Smooth Operator

36950[/snapback] It's true my friend, if only someone could explain to me how to do it????

For conversational reason i believe, if i put down a sweet bird i would only try and get into her knickers and despite being fairly confident i'd get into them ( ) it could possibly backifre horribly and then it would be far from ideal.

Real first name: Daniel Nickname: Smooth Operator/Fanny Rat Age: 26 Occupation: Professional internet browser in government time Location: Walkerville Language(s) spoken? Mainly English but the language of love after the watershed Avatart - why? Don't have one, not particulary IT minded therefore can't figure out how the fuck to put one on, although i've tried and everything i pick is the wrong size or something! Previous avatarts? On other boards wor lass naked & Tino Tell us when you first joined the boards? Couple of months back Board highlights? My Greek apartment shaving exploits! Board lowlights? None as yet What would you be doing if you weren't doing your current job? Some other shit paying, dead end, no chance of promotion job Pets? None myself but the bairn has 2 rabbits and i run a pet care business alongside my current job, anyone interested send me a message I play a bit like.... Cross between David Batty and Peter Beardsley Football heroes? Tino, Gazza, Rui Costa, Dragan Stoikovic, Football villains? Savage, Wise, Fumaca, Faye, Best advice given? If it doesn't go in first time it's just not meant to go in there! Ideal partner? Adriana Lima Ideal dinner date? Al Pacino Ideal meal? Mince & Dumplings Can you cook? For shizzle Current wheels? Black Lexus IS200 - commonly known as the dogs bollocks Biggest influence? Can't honestly say i have one TV programmes? Sopranos, Lost, Desperate Housewives (Eva Longoria scenes only!) Burger and chips or fish and chips? Fish & Chips Chinese or indian? What do you order? Chinese, chicken in black bean sauce Favourite tunes? Oasis, Stone Roses, Charlatans, Kanye West, Mos Def, Otis Reading, Marvin Gaye, Al Green Abi Titmuss or Jodi Marsh? Abi everytime, girls and big noses just don't mix George Clooney or Bradley Pitt? Clooney on the basis i've been told i will look like him when i'm his age! Favourite film? Godfather If I won a million pounds.... i'd be considerably richer than you! Age first drunk alcohol? First drink? 13, Special Brew, we didn't fuck about. Ever suspended/expelled from school? Not a chance i was a model pupil, or more to the fact they didn't kick me out cos i was a sporting superstar with friends (governors) in high places! Favourite insult? Twat - said correctly can be devastating! Not a lot of people know that...... I nearly made it, played in the same team as McClen and Beharell at the school of excellence under John Carver only to be told at 16 i wouldn't be kept on Most you've ever spent on an item of clothes? £80 on a jumper How many pairs of shoes do you own? 2 pairs of shoes 6 pairs of trainers I'm obsessed with..... free internet sex sites, anyone got any good ones? In 5 years time, I hope to be....Making a living as a George Clooney lookalike with a million quid in my back pocket cruising in my Lexus with my wireless laptop on hand to surf some free porn sites 36190[/snapback]

FAO Wacky Jnr Current wheels? Volvo V40 - What you lass drives cos you can't doesn't count here son! If I won a million pounds.... I would give wor lass £100,000 and tell her that if i see her again i'll take it back off her - Fucking class! Couldn't see myself giving wor lass owt though to be honest!

The space in both my left and right pockets is filled with a coiled trouser snake, it simply can't be contained!

The fucking dirty little bastard, i would have chased the cunt and kicked 7 shades of Burberry out of the cunt! Wasn't anywhere near Wallsend was it? There's a load of cunts knock about the metro station there, i swear if anyone of them ever tries it on with me i'll kill the little bastards! Anyway i reckon it would have been best to prosecute the twat, at least then he might learn a lesson (unlikely but you never know) and the arsehole will lessen his chances of getting a job if he ever gets his lazy arse down to the dole office like! I was on the metro a while back when 2 charvas were given a couple of asian lasses a lot of racial abuse, got to the point where 1 of them was crying so i got up and told the bastards if they didn't shut it i'd hoy them off the train, they just laughed and continued their tirade so when the train pulled up at the next stop i chucked the pair of scumbags off the metro and luckily into the arms of a group of ticket inspectors who took it upon themselves to check them for tickets they obviously didn't have! 2 birds with 1 stone!

It's a fucking joke, i'm running on empty and am planning to fill up late on tonight to avoid any waiting around. I got a chain-mail e-mail last week about the protests, it basically was trying to get as many people as possible to boycott the big companies (BP, Shell etc) and use lesser known places therefore forcing these big companies to reduce their prices due to lack of business, seems a good idea in theory but it's never going to happen in reality, same as the price coming down anytime soon, never gonna happen and we'll not stop buying the overpriced juice neither cos at the end of the day we have to and there's no other option - so we're pretty much fucked!

I see you've returned from your holiday nice and relaxed! I'm a dog expert (Crufts judge for the last 6 years) and it sounds like a classic case of a stranger to dogs looking after someone elses pet whilst they are away. (By the way who looked after Floyd while you were away, your brother!) Now if this is the case the woman wouldn't have had the first fucking idea the little runt of a hound was this way inclined, and what the owners really need to think about is decent pet care for their hound, i know of a cracking little pet care service just been set up in Walkervile, they get a lot of business and are very reasonable, respectable people. If anyone would like me to pass their number on send me a private message.

I applied for the police a few years back and got through the physical but failed on the tests, my maths wasn't up to scratch! You'll be lucky to get into the Northumbria Police these days, it seems they are only taking minority groups at the minute, your better off trying Durham if you haven't already. Where did you hear about the Prison Officer jobs? I'm interested in that, i work with a retired Prison Officer and he quit cos he wasn't allowed to smack the inmates anymore! He reckons the job is a piece of piss nowadays.

She was the star of the show, tits of steel, best on tv!

Wor lass riding me, then putting a pearl necklace on - fantastic after a night out, sorts me out nee botha!

Just showed wor lasses 6 year old kid the image and she didn't see any dolphins, but she did say " Why has the woman got her boobs out?" Worrying!

Know a lad i used to go to school with who shagged a bird in a forest with a salt and vinegar crisp packet as protection, he turned it inside out so the lass got the flavour!

Without Souness and therefore in a much better position. His track record is shit His man management is shit He's turned our team to shit But yeah lets keep him eh!?

I repeat FUCK OFF SOUNESS

Pure genius!

It's definatley one for the wank bank like! Wacky have you forced your lass to get rid of the bikini she's just bought for her holidays?

There's a belta photo of Steve McFadden aka Phil Mitchell (worlds 2nd most famous dogger after Collymore) on page 10 of the Daily Star, he's cleaning out his dogging van under orders of BBC bosses. It's a classic dogging vehicle, enough room for a double matress in the back and both rear doors open right the way back so an audience of about a dozen would have a splendid view. They reckon he's selling it on ebay so if there are any potetial doggers out there in need of a new "ride" check it out!

As you well know I'm not fit for a return to that hell hole you call work and thats doctors orders, but the fact of the matter is I'm becomingl terribly bored being off so i will decide upon my return from 10 days in the costa del sol whether or not another stint in the costa del shit is right for me. Good day to you sir 16996[/snapback] Seems strangely fitting that your leaving the country just as the net closes in on you for the Corner House job! 17042[/snapback] What corner house job? 17045[/snapback] You know as well as i. Your lass manage to get the smell of parafin off your clothes yet?

As you well know I'm not fit for a return to that hell hole you call work and thats doctors orders, but the fact of the matter is I'm becomingl terribly bored being off so i will decide upon my return from 10 days in the costa del sol whether or not another stint in the costa del shit is right for me. Good day to you sir 16996[/snapback] Seems strangely fitting that your leaving the country just as the net closes in on you for the Corner House job!

aye, camera in one hand, cock in the other ! *Note: that would be my cock not some passers by !* 16585[/snapback] not even if someone tapped on the window or flashed their lights at you? 16586[/snapback] is that Dogging etiquette ? 16587[/snapback] Too right, a flash off the headlights means a couple are about to commence and your free to observe at close quarters, a interior light left on with headlights off means you are free to approach the car and offer your services to fuck some blokes lass as long as they are up for it, obviously in Phil Mitchells case the lasses didn't really have much of a say! Hazards on means keep well clear unless you enjoy the tender entrance of a mans rear end! My hazards are purposefully disabled just on the off chance i knock them on by accident in the throws of passion with wor lass!

While we're on the subject, what sort of tramp sits there, picks their nose and then proceeds to wipe their excavations all over the toilet cubicle walls when theres fucking toilet paper right next to them?! 16546[/snapback] Civil Servants, thats what sort of tramps do that. When i worked up Longbenton the cleaner who used to do the cleaning on my floor would get the same bus as me in the morning. She told me that the state some of the toilets were left in, especially the woman's, were nothing short of a fucking disgrace and the majority of these snotty fuckas swan around the place like butter wouldn't melt, with their sharp suits on etc. When if the truth be known there a bunch of dirty arse bastards, i dread to think what their houses are like. Dirty arse civil servants! 16551[/snapback] "When you worked"? - So does that mean your not coming back then from this lengthy sick absence then? The shithouse where i work had faulty flushers and the stench of piss n shit would build up daily, just passing the bogs was a nightmare journey until someone complained and we got proper flushers put on - that's the government though, pick the cheapest contract for eveything. When on my work experience years ago to Newburn Leisure Centre, part of my chores was to check the changing rooms every hour, so on one of my rounds i discovered a freshly laid dump on the floor of a cubicle right next to the actual bog. So thinking i'd score a few "brownie" points for spotting this i wondered off to find my supervisor to see what would be done about it. He told me that the cleaner was off sick and that i'd had to clean it up myself. I told the daft cunt that there was no way i was cleaning up shit when i'd come to get experience as a leisure assistant and if that what is expected of a leisure assistant then he could stick it up his arse, i then left the building and spent the rest of my weeks work experience getting fingers and tops off my then pre-pubescent girlfriend!

It didn't happen to a few years back, in a white rover metro did it? I went down there with an ex lass of mine for a bit of a fumble not knowing these shenanigans went on at this location, we got going and she shit herself when a bloke came up to the window. I jumped out and chased the dirty bastard, then went back to the car and stuck it up her wrong un'!

Indeed it is but at least if we lose it'll nudge the trapdoor ajar a little bit more for Shithouse Souness to join our growing list of ex managers not to see August out. Losing never seemed so attractive!

Must start varying my avatars 10575[/snapback] And your posting style. 10576[/snapback] Cos sarcasism sounds different in every post?