Matt

Hark at Mr Hand-Eye Co-ordination there.

Our old bathroom carpet was rancid. As was the floorboard beneath it! Now all sanded down and splashproof lino fitted. That doesn't spare the skirting boards from the odd splash though.

As long as you're on a lino or tile floor. The problem arises with carpet-based bathrooms, even if you mop it up there's still gonna be a bit left over on there.

The reason is usually anatomical, although the nightmare scenario is when you wake up with half-dead arms and bursting for a piss, hoping that your control will be back online before you arrive at the bowl.

Cheeky bastard! And you are giving the long bar too much credit by referring it to a 'club!'.

I'd sooner put me knob into a circular saw. Absolutely rancid.

The Hilton! Should have followed some advice I got and booked the Metropole.

Work have packed me off to Leeds this week and I was sitting in the bar watching Andy Gray's last word bit before heading on to the restaurant for a spot of 'table for one' loser food. As if from nowhere some skanky drunk bint sits just across from me. "Are you going to buy me a drink?" "No." "Why not" "Because I'm watching the football" "If you buy me a drink I'll leave you along forever" "Get lost" So she gets up and goes. Now I figure something isn't up as she clearly ain't a guest in the hotel and I start wondering about the quality of doormanship going on at the entrance. Sure enough, 5 minutes later she's back, and it looks like she's successfully wangled a drink out of some poor bastard. "Will you talk for me for two minutes" "No." "Go on" "No. Look, you can have one. One minute" "No, Two." "Look just clear off, I'm just having a drink now do one" So this time I head off towards the restaurant and give my room number etc and sure as hell, she follows a minute later. "Look I've told you to get get lost" (at this point I am aware of the potential of causing a scene and i'm trying very hard not to unleash a sweary tirade). The waiting staff at the booking desk didn't seem to know what to do. Thankfully the head waiter was on and says 'come this way sir' and I quickly explain what's going on. Eventually she fucks off. She seemed upset at the dirty looks I was giving- and I really was being a horrible bastard- but what else can I do- I wouldn't even want to be in the same postcode as the daft drunk cow never mind sat near her. It's really pissed me off. I was pretty freaked out at the time (first was wondering if the hotel staff had been as so careless as to let 'street workers' in). I must have looked a right tool. I might just stay clear of there for the remainder of my trip.

Police now hunting the man known only as "Tyneside Pud"

The International Joke Standards (IJS4) superceded this in 2002. Check it out, paragraph 4, section (ii).

My dentist is in Shields, had to sign up to monthly plan- cost about £10 a month. Mind you, it's ten times easier to get appointments now.

Found this on icnewcastle It's like I've won the lottery Sep 13 2004 By Alan Oliver, The Evening Chronicle Graeme Souness breezed into St James' Park to officially take charge of Newcastle United today and declared: "I feel like I have just won the lottery." Souness and his new backroom team of Alan Murray, Phil Boersma and Dean Saunders have all been given two-year contracts with a further 12-month rolling deal. While it may not have been the five-year contract which many people expected, Souness said today: "I am happy with that."....

Souness' contract is 2 years + 1 year option. To terminate his contract we'd need to pay up the remainder. Souness will not be on £4-6m a year! Fred will try the same trick as with Bobby, remove him as manager but keep him on the payroll- spreads the payments out over time. If Souness was unhappy with that it wouldn't matter, by the time it reached court his contract would be nearly up.

Is there a new series or is it the first one repeated? You get some real numpts on there. Girl with very stupid idea: "My forecast is for £40k profit within 3 years" One of the bastards: "Is that gross or net profit" Girl: "Erm....gross. No, net. Erm......I'm not sure" Bannatyne: "You don't know the difference? Jesus, you are wasting your time".

We did better than we thought, talked to about 10 or so people, they were all interested, not just randomly inquisitive. They were going to go without free stuff until I said you NEED free stuff to entice the student types.

You're looking for IP proxies. Never used em myself, but stick it into google and you should find something. Why the need to hide anyway- are you out of material?

Routers are the way forward, even for just a single connection. They seem to be generally more reliable than USB modems. As for the modem issue- you cant simply transfer files as the setup process on the CD will very like put various entries in the Windows registry which you can't transfer manually without some very careful tinkering. You will have to go through the setup procedures again and will probably have to stick in your account details unless its one of these modems which remembers your details (which it probably isn't).

The Go! Team- Everyone's a VIP to Someone

Boards of Canada- The Campfire Headphase

Hard Fi- Tied up Too Tight. They seem popular these days!

NOBBY Solano has completed his move back to St. James' Park from Aston Villa after finalising the transfer shortly before the closure of the August transfer window. The Peruvian passed a medical on Tyneside on Wednesday night before signing his contract. He joins The Magpies on an initial two-year deal with an option on the club's part to extend it for a further 12 months. Solano will once again wear the number four jersey, which was vacated following Nicky Butt's season-long loan move to Birmingham City. And his return to St. James' coincides with James Milner travelling to Villa in the opposite direction to spend the rest of the campaign with the west Midlands outfit. Nobby told nufc.co.uk: "It's great to be back at Newcastle and I hope we can have a really successful season here." Delighted chairman Freddy Shepherd added: "It's great to have Nobby back and I am sure all the fans are thrilled by the news." The 30-year old, who left United in January 2004, initially moved to Tyneside in August 1998 and went on to make a total of 214 appearances for Newcastle - with a further 20 from the bench - scoring 38 goals. The signing of Solano completed what had been an extraordinary day at St. James' Park, one which began with Michael Owen becoming the club's record signing after joining from Real Madrid on a four-year deal, and which also saw midfielder Jermaine Jenas move to Tottenham Hotspur. Solano was a firm favourite with Gallowgate crowd, and the news is sure to delight the fans who chanted his name at the unveiling of Michael Owen earlier in the day. Solano will have to wait for his United debut as he has two games left of a three-match ban following a recent red card for Villa at Portsmouth

He's served one so will miss Fulham and Blackburn. His 'second' debut will be against Man Shity on Sept 24th. 25514[/snapback] Arsebiscuits. I'm away that day.

I must have missed the bit with Souness stoking up the crowd. It was being sung spontaneously, the only gee-ing up was when Jim White provided an update on the Solano situation off-air over the PA.

Nice work, just put the Emre one on my desktop.

You could looks for an ISP that gives you 2 IPs as part of the deal. Have you got NAT turned on?