David Kelly

Cooks making hard work of getting to his 10000 runs.

Agreed they're boring as fuck. If they're happy with hippo's heed let them be.

What is this 'massive lads fan' shit by the way? Have I missed something here or are they all matildas?

My favourite quote. Blissfully unaware of the concepts of past, present and future.

She didn't want nobody else.

I watched the first episode of Preacher last night. I really don't know what to make of it. I know nothing about the comics, other than there's a character called arse face, so I didn't know what to expect. It just seems to have a really weird style and I can't make out if the acting is shite or it's meant to be like that. The guys Irish accent is fuckinig awful though.

Another aunt of mine was set up on a blind date with Jimmy Nail. She didn't end up going.

I hate the word penis unless it's being used as an insult. You're not American and as such the only acceptable terms for it are cock, nob or dick.

I didn't know there was a secure medical facility in Wideopen these days.

And Gemmill hasn't come in to blow them both out of the water yet?

My dad used to play five a side against Bob Moncur. I used to go to school with Alan Thompson (well I was couple of years below but I knew him slightly). An aquaintence of mine has been working on Now You See Me 2. Although I'm pretty sure he's still not famous.

It's so unlike him to give an opinion on something he's not seen too.

Is that not what it's for?

92er

The fucking matilda's. Surely that's a derogatory name for homosexuals in Australia. If not how the fuck have they missed it?

I read that as likes the thrill of shagging a married man and I was concerned I'd gone too far.

Nineteen ninety fucking two! This lad is the same age as me by the sound of it (38) If you haven't got a team by aged 10 you'll never get the bug, you might 'think' you have it choosing a team as a 14 year old but you haven't, that ship has sailed. This is brilliant. 38 years old and basic mathematics is beyond him. You even said you were ten in 1990. How much simpler did it need to be for the poor cunt?

You don't know the fucking half of it!

Speak for yourself

Can't believe everyone has missed how blatantly racist young Happy Face was.

Would be better if we could see it.

Effort is all Sissoko can put in. His touch is fucking awful. If he doesn't put effort in then the rest of his game is shite. I'm still not convinced by the performances he put in once Rafa came. They were better yes, but for the most part were far from great. I think there's far more chance that we can get more out Gini but I'm not that arsed about either of them. If we could get around £25m for the pair of them and Rafa had it to spend on replacements I'd be more than happy.

I'm not even that arsed about who we sign this summer. Usually we'd already be at fever pitch about who we could be bringing in but we've already made a far better signing than I ever thought possible. We could sell a few players and buy no one and I'd still be pretty confident going into next season.

I think him being a complete prick is the main reason.

My aunt used to regularly have Gazza round for tea when him and my cousin were good mates. And me mate is a distant cousin of Lisa Stansfield. Though he's never met her.