David Kelly

Another aunt of mine was set up on a blind date with Jimmy Nail. She didn't end up going.

I hate the word penis unless it's being used as an insult. You're not American and as such the only acceptable terms for it are cock, nob or dick.

I didn't know there was a secure medical facility in Wideopen these days.

And Gemmill hasn't come in to blow them both out of the water yet?

My dad used to play five a side against Bob Moncur. I used to go to school with Alan Thompson (well I was couple of years below but I knew him slightly). An aquaintence of mine has been working on Now You See Me 2. Although I'm pretty sure he's still not famous.

It's so unlike him to give an opinion on something he's not seen too.

Is that not what it's for?

92er

The fucking matilda's. Surely that's a derogatory name for homosexuals in Australia. If not how the fuck have they missed it?

I read that as likes the thrill of shagging a married man and I was concerned I'd gone too far.

Nineteen ninety fucking two! This lad is the same age as me by the sound of it (38) If you haven't got a team by aged 10 you'll never get the bug, you might 'think' you have it choosing a team as a 14 year old but you haven't, that ship has sailed. This is brilliant. 38 years old and basic mathematics is beyond him. You even said you were ten in 1990. How much simpler did it need to be for the poor cunt?

You don't know the fucking half of it!

Speak for yourself

Can't believe everyone has missed how blatantly racist young Happy Face was.

Would be better if we could see it.

Effort is all Sissoko can put in. His touch is fucking awful. If he doesn't put effort in then the rest of his game is shite. I'm still not convinced by the performances he put in once Rafa came. They were better yes, but for the most part were far from great. I think there's far more chance that we can get more out Gini but I'm not that arsed about either of them. If we could get around £25m for the pair of them and Rafa had it to spend on replacements I'd be more than happy.

I'm not even that arsed about who we sign this summer. Usually we'd already be at fever pitch about who we could be bringing in but we've already made a far better signing than I ever thought possible. We could sell a few players and buy no one and I'd still be pretty confident going into next season.

I think him being a complete prick is the main reason.

My aunt used to regularly have Gazza round for tea when him and my cousin were good mates. And me mate is a distant cousin of Lisa Stansfield. Though he's never met her.

If he was really waiting for better offers he didn't wait long did he? The play offs and the champions league final haven't happened yet. If he'd waited longer there would certainly have been other offers. Maybe they wouldn't have been in the premiership but they probably would have involved European football. But who gives a fuck. He's here and we're all behind him. How many managers have had the full support of us in our lives? There's only two others I can remember and they did pretty well.

She's a mackem, she deserves a lot worse than I've ever given her. But she's the mother of my child so I've always been softer on her than I should be.

No it's brilliant, I've got a ready made defense for when they start gearing up for a wedding. Of course that can spell the end of the relationship but really, who wants to be with a woman who wants to marry you anyway?

I think I'll just leave it for a bit then at £400. I cam buy shit loads of drink and drugs for that sort of money. And still being married is a good way of preventing another wedding (unless your name is Cisse).

Haha what a tool. Mind you that's better than years ago when me and the ex went so Frankie & Benny's (yes I know) and she asked for a pizza with no cheese (yes again I know). The waitress said "well you could but it would be fucking awful". I know she was right but it's not the best customer service. Fair play to him over the quality of his food though, it was just the thinness of his skin that I thought pathetic. Especially as the comments made weren't exactly scathing.

No soup for you!