Kid Dynamite

Buttons to buy, £300pm to fill up and insure!

The flukey twats have won another game in injury time. They will still drop to 7th if Sheff Wed win tomorrow. Hanging onto the playoffs by their fingernails

I assume he's been prepping the team all week for Sundays game too. This decision will probably relegate them, and then do them out of a manager that could get them promoted next season

Mental bastards

Boris has 3 more fines coming apparently. And all for bigger transgressions than his last fine. We've also got Sue Gray's report to be published. Boris might not see the Summer yet

Elon Musk attempting a hostile takeover of twitter

End of last season was the first time since the bairn was born that I could afford to drop £600 on a season ticket. My dad had just retired and I asked him if he wanted to get a season ticket together. He said no as he would be away at the caravan every other weekend and it wasn't worth the money to watch Bruce ball. He got a season ticket for Durham CCC instead I remind him weekly that he's a twat

All joking aside, they should just give the spare 10,000 tickets to those that supported the team and not the regime. Keeps everyone happy then

Too easy

I reckon all the part timers who jacked their ticket in under Ashley will be at the back of the queue

Proper toddler behaviour

I must be getting old, cos anytime someone launches over their seat at me for "limbs" content on Twitter I want to punch them. By all means go ballistic, but I'd like some skin left on my shins afterwards

Keeper stays on his feet and that goes straight out for a goal kick and Wood gets a yellow card.

Penalty all day. You can't just slide across the path of someone running at full pace and not get the ball. Who hit who first is irrelevant

3pts off 9th currently

His thumb will get tired if he's not careful

This has got "conceding in the 89th minute" written all over it

ASM having another stinker

"Trademark sarcasm" He's disappeared up his own arse

CODA Really enjoyed it. Reminded me of Whiplash a bit

Full strength squad missing Wilson and Trippier?

ASM won't be in the starting XI next season. For all he's good at dribbling, his end product is not worth the number of turnovers he gives away

Fuck off with the trips to Dubai. They need to be doing shuttle runs on Tynemouth longsands tomorrow