Monkeys Fist

"Chilli Flakes ...... Crushed Chilli ...... Same thing...?"

Ronaldo - taking the piss. 1-1.

Look in the exotic foods section. If its like Morrisons, you'll find a massive bag of them for a couple of quid.

http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Fitba

Dunno mind, having The Tubster's stink pipe rubbed around on top of me would have me reaching for the rope.

Tonight was battle of the hates for me - Celtic (club, fans,the lot) v Andy Bellsend. Andy wins.

CT sat on it.

Rod Stewart- fuck me! He looks like Thatcher!

I watched it last night sat next to a table full of Wall Pushers. The whining nearly made my ears bleed

And sorry to hear both of your bad news Jill and Fish.

"Call yourself a Bull? You're like a donkey in a Viking hat " *strides off into the crowd to hunt for babes.

Write her a letter ….. " Dear Tooj's Lass The pasta few days since you've gone has made me realise I lost you for fusilli reasons. It was mafalde, not yours - I let my bum spaghetti perversion spiralli out of control. I thought I'd penne this to say sorry. I Marille sorry. Will you come round and I'll try to make it up to you- I've got fizzy wine and your favourite film on TV, I know you love Cavatelli. " Sorted mate

Because it tastes better.

And about time too!

Pissed off. Just got back to hotel in Leeds, had one of the shittiest days at work in a long time, I've pulled a muscle in my hip/arse, and feel like going out and getting shitfaced. And the only match on is fucking Celtic ( although they should get humped, so that might cheer me up!)

Oh My Word .....

Been busy-I've opened a Hand Job place for taxi drivers, it's taken me a week or two to source a powerful microscope for when you roll in , Bitch Tits.