Monkeys Fist

Are you in detention?

Fruits de Mer!

Doesn’t want to alienate a customer, does he? The grain for the bread and water they feed all the prisoners in Saudi jails, before murdering them, has to come from somewhere …

Season Ticket is four consecutive syllables- they’d only get confused.

He’s got to do something to earn his pocket money.

Hang on- has he got a manual or automatic- if the latter, just kick his left knee in, if it’s manual, we need a rethink

Well.… kick his fucking knees in then.

Canestan will sort that out mate.

Nee botha man!

Which brings me to… Do I win £5?

You and the chauffeur can get in on a twofer mate.

Remember where you saw it first. Thanks for reading my post.

They’re banging on about being a “data-driven club”… is this now part of “The Model”? They absolutely swallow any old drivel their current grifters come out with, don’t they?

I’ve just realised- if this lad gets the job they’ll have Basic Mick as gaffer. Made my weekend

This is grade A, prime, undiluted, pure as fuck, top notch mackem comedy gold. We all knew it was coming, but they still managed to confound our already subterranean expectations and dug some fucker out of the Marianas Trench. I hope he’s every inch the utter disaster they all think he’ll be. I’m going to live dangerously and say that the New Manger Bounce they were clearly hoping for will be as flat as a witches tit by the time we play them. Outstanding

I love it.

Sweetcorn- get in the fuck pot. Tinned, frozen, whatever, it can do one. The fact that it emerges in your shite essentially unchanged from when it went in says everything you need to know. The only thing worse than seeing sweetcorn on a plate is seeing sweetcorn WITH PEAS MIXED IN!!!!! I am a food separatist. Which leads me to Full Englishes, specifically the beans, contaminating everything. PUT THEM IN A FUCKING POT YOU SAVAGES! I accept that some places don’t have pots, so use the sausages to make a bean-seawall. ( Sausages are safe from bean juice ingress, since they are a superfood). I was in this gaff in Doncaster once, they started putting together what looked like a half-decent breakfast. Then I noticed, halfway through, she hadn’t put the beans in either a pot, or behind the sausages which were already on the plate. Bean fear!!! Before I could raise the alarm, this feckin Breakfast Terrorist had slopped a ladle full of the fuckers all over everything. I just shook my head and walked out. ( I actually like beans, but I want to decide which other bits of my breakfast will come in to contact with them).

If you had £20million spare, would you give it to these whoppers?

Turkey- if you need to brine it for 24hrs, then cover it in another (better) meat just to try to coax some flavour out of it, why bother? Turkey- fuck off!

Depending on the hygiene of the toe-owner, that could apply to most vegetables too. Man-up, get some fungus down your throat.

An ice-cream van is a flavour vehicle- wouldn’t want to eat one though. Avocado can get fucked.

Aye, their current owner has stopped funding them, their potential new one has loaned £100 million , just for running costs, but are unlikely to loan more until they’re in place as owners. That’s not going to happen until after Jan at the earliest, so they’ll be insolvent. Boom- administration and 9 points off. This will trigger an outbreak of victimhood on Merseyside the likes of which hasn’t been seen for days.

This is because of their potential new owners being investigated for suitability in to January, meaning they may end up in administration, triggering a 9 point deduction, aye?

This 17yr old lad turning up in France after going missing six years is a pretty wild tale. https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-67718158 I spent a little bit of time near there, and it as heaving with weirdos, as mentioned in the article.