Monkeys Fist

He looks in the mirror every day- he’s more used to horror than most of us.

Oof! Let them burn…

I’m not saying it was aliens, but…

SMBd that for you.

Line and full house! essembee Bingo!!

Since it’s 2020 soon, I thought I’d treat you all to some Optician jokes- they’re like normal jokes, but cornea.

Anybody not waiting for ages for a Chinese takeaway tonight? Happy New Year lads.

Whoever manages to drag Brucey out of his crisp and lager coma in the bogs of The Diamond on New Year’s Morning, in time to wheelbarrow him in to the dugouts for the game, deserves a medal for enduring the fucking stench of stale beer and rancid vegetable farts he’ll be giving off. I expect his formation of Carroll in goal “c…cc…bleuurgh…cccoz he’s the biggest cunt on the pitch…” and Joelinton partnering Manquilo upfront “ Ha!… fuggen have that ya Spanish Peter Kay bassah!”, to pay dividends, but the best partnership will be between the kitman and physio to change his keks before anyone notices he’s shit his pants for the third time in the match. Leicester might just edge this.

eBay?

Chebbage?

It’s her clear diction and classy nails, isn’t it?

I had a traumatic time in my teens- I was kidnapped by a mime artist. He did some unspeakable things.

I was in town today, and saw this dwarf with a sign saying “ I hate Black people” at the Monument. I thought, “ That’s a little racist”.

My son bought me a whiteboard for Christmas. I must admit, I think it’s a remarkable gift.

It was an absolute Easter Egg fest, great fun to tick them off as it went on. The only bit that got me dusty was when…

If we all chipped in £12.47p we could probably buy a controlling stake.

Aye, but those new seats look lovely.

“This bolt is rusted shut, mate, not even mole grips will shift it “ ” Try this arse”.

A poll usually needs one answer to multiple options. What about those of us to whom the question “ Are you a tit man or an arse man?” , elicits the only true answer- “Yes”. That being said, here you go

Did Sinta turnip?

I blame the Welsh Jews, tbh. Allahu Akbar!

Petrol?