Happy Face 29 Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 Your average stander: Thought CT was a sitter? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NJS 3986 Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 So has anyone used or uses a bidet? Seems like a fuck on moving from one seat to another and I'm not sure about the water jet either but can see the idea. What about those Japanese ones where the tube comes out and sprays? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 26986 Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 So has anyone used or uses a bidet? Seems like a fuck on moving from one seat to another and I'm not sure about the water jet either but can see the idea. What about those Japanese ones where the tube comes out and sprays? I've got one. They're a Godsend if you've the shits or have a hairy arse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brock Manson 0 Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 By sawing, I assume you mean rubbing backwards and forwards. Which is a fucking disgrace. Especially for a hairy bastard like you. Must be like Brian May's plughole back there, and you're adopting a sawing motion to sort things out. Not quite as bad as a Brian May, not that I want you to give any further thought to my arsehole mind. I'd never saw as far as the balls, but when one has a hirsute gooch then you have to adapt accordingly. As for ladies - Jenny Eclair featured arse wiping in a routine of hers in which she claims to be a back to fronter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 34647 Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 I've got one. They're a Godsend if you've the shits or have a hairy arse. Whoa and you call me the Jesmond Head Boy?! Deduct 10 Geordie Points! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChezGiven 0 Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 At least 10! He doesn't look the type to have a hairy arse either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anth 54 Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 Anyone who doesn't stand up and go from ring piece backwards is one scruffy fucker like! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 34647 Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 Standing up man. It's just ridiculous. It's a static activity. There's no sitting phase followed by a standing phase. Your parents would be disgusted with you. As a child you stood to let your mam wipe your arse when you were being potty/toilet trained. They didn't think they had to tell you to stop, you ridiculous clownfaces. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 26986 Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 At least 10! He doesn't look the type to have a hairy arse either. It's only the top of my head that isn't hairy, Mon ami. (and my clean shaven face!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anth 54 Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 Standing up man. It's just ridiculous. It's a static activity. There's no sitting phase followed by a standing phase. Your parents would be disgusted with you. As a child you stood to let your mam wipe your arse when you were being potty/toilet trained. They didn't think they had to tell you to stop, you ridiculous clownfaces. So what do you do? Lean forwards and stick your hand in the bog? Hang on... You don't go in from the front do you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ayatollah Hermione 12768 Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 Lean to the side on one cheek! HOW is this a foreign concept? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigWalrus 0 Posted March 8, 2013 Share Posted March 8, 2013 Leaning to one side is a natural position, usually employed outside of the bog arena to despatch the most satisfying of flatulent expressions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Face 29 Posted March 8, 2013 Share Posted March 8, 2013 Lean to the side on one cheek! HOW is this a foreign concept? It's not, but as i said before, it destroys the argument that standers suffer the butterfly affect but sitters don't, unless your lifted cheek has muscles mine doesn't. It also leads to people falling off their toilet and dying. A sit down wipe isn't just dirty, it's dangerous! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christmas Tree 3997 Posted March 8, 2013 Share Posted March 8, 2013 I had a dry run last night pretending to be a stander. It just doesnt work Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holden McGroin 4905 Posted March 8, 2013 Author Share Posted March 8, 2013 I have to admit I have converted to a sitter. After a test phase it seemed that i needed less wipes. Its all round more efficient. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 34647 Posted March 8, 2013 Share Posted March 8, 2013 Another one sees the light! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renton 17839 Posted March 8, 2013 Share Posted March 8, 2013 It's not, but as i said before, it destroys the argument that standers suffer the butterfly affect but sitters don't, unless your lifted cheek has muscles mine doesn't. It also leads to people falling off their toilet and dying. A sit down wipe isn't just dirty, it's dangerous! How's that? Lifting one cheek causes the buttocks to spread apart, so completely prevents butterflying. I'm yet to fall off the porcelain either, even when pissed. You utter freak of nature. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holden McGroin 4905 Posted March 8, 2013 Author Share Posted March 8, 2013 I bet someone has died from leaning too far and killed themselves. Mainly fat people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 34647 Posted March 8, 2013 Share Posted March 8, 2013 I bet someone has died from leaning too far and killed themselves. Mainly fat people. I watched a documentary about a fat bloke once, and the only way he could wipe his arse was to walk from the bathroom to his bedroom, lie face down on the bed and reach round behind and start wiping. He needed the assistance of gravity to provide him with sufficient access to the soiled area. It's bad enough that standers exist. Lie-ers doesn't even bear thinking about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Face 29 Posted March 8, 2013 Share Posted March 8, 2013 How's that? Lifting one cheek causes the buttocks to spread apart, so completely prevents butterflying. I'm yet to fall off the porcelain either, even when pissed. You utter freak of nature. You're one of the lucky ones. I posted links to all the oddballs that have fallen off the toilet to their demise. That's what comes of neanderthals balancing on one cheek while stuffing their arm down the back and looking through their legs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trophyshy 6434 Posted March 8, 2013 Share Posted March 8, 2013 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0QHGqSV-q_o Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 26986 Posted March 8, 2013 Share Posted March 8, 2013 You need to start wiping by sitting then finish off by standing. What's wrong with you freaks? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christmas Tree 3997 Posted March 8, 2013 Share Posted March 8, 2013 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0QHGqSV-q_o The guy in red 2.10 has it absolutely nailed. Fold / wipe / look / repeat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brock Manson 0 Posted March 8, 2013 Share Posted March 8, 2013 You need to start wiping by sitting then finish off by standing. What's wrong with you freaks? Standing finishes are only acceptable as a final check. Especially necessary if you're wearing white boxers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trophyshy 6434 Posted March 8, 2013 Share Posted March 8, 2013 Standing finishes are only acceptable as a final check. Especially necessary if you're wearing white boxers. If the man is mostly sitting, turn a blind eye to a late flourish, we're not The Bottom Inspectors. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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