What mood are you in and why?

[Craig 6302]

It's good to hear this place does help. It's what a community is all about. Have to admit when I was struggling with my mental health 4-5 years ago, I avoided places like this which would of course have been a decent tonic. 

Life is indeed short and we have to make the best of every moment we've got. Have you any control over who your counsellor is? I had one that was utterly useless and managed to get them binned off. The replacement was unbelievably good. Unlocked stuff in mind that needed addressing that I'd completely forgotten about. I used to be such a naysayer when it came to counselling but having gone through the experience myself I can state that is definitely can work. You just need to find the right one. 

Keep you chin up mate.

[Renton 17767]

5 minutes ago, Craig said:

It's good to hear this place does help. It's what a community is all about. Have to admit when I was struggling with my mental health 4-5 years ago, I avoided places like this which would of course have been a decent tonic. 

Life is indeed short and we have to make the best of every moment we've got. Have you any control over who your counsellor is? I had one that was utterly useless and managed to get them binned off. The replacement was unbelievably good. Unlocked stuff in mind that needed addressing that I'd completely forgotten about. I used to be such a naysayer when it came to counselling but having gone through the experience myself I can state that is definitely can work. You just need to find the right one. 

Keep you chin up mate.

 

I had a cuuncillor when I was going through a rough time 5 years ago, she was the fucking the pits, she actually helped precipitate a full scale nervous breakdown. The one I'm seeing now is okay, I just agreed to it because I had taken a fair bit of time of at work when my dad died because my head was so fucked. Anxiety through the roof, panic attacks.  But it's done on Zoom and she doesn't understand my accent. Thing is, I just feel incredibly uncomfortable opening up to a stranger. Which is odd because I'm constantly spilling out my emotions in public on here! Got a GP appointment on Thursday and will probably get put on the happy pills.

 

The other thing that has actually come as a surprise to me is how much I miss my Dad and sister. There's so many reminders, just seen my sister there on WhatsApp. Oh, and last week I got a letter from a debt recovery agency for her utility bills. They can get funked obviously.

[Alex 30396]

Ah, mate. I’m fucking gutted for you, I really am. You’ve had such an awful run of bad news these past few years. I’ve got nowt meaningful to say but look after yourself, man 

[Christmas Tree 3997]

It will get better Renton.

 

Ive just had to have a sit down in Bowness high street and explain what a raging boner meant to an 11 year old. It came up on some weird card game we played last night.

 

Little fucker never stopped asking questions after that  

[Gemmill 34449]

A nice friendly family game of strip poker. Was it you or him got the boner? 

[Christmas Tree 3997]

2 minutes ago, Gemmill said:

A nice friendly family game of strip poker. Was it you or him got the boner? 

Some shit game called incoherent. Never again  

[Monkeys Fist 38756]

2 hours ago, Christmas Tree said:

explain what a raging boner meant to an 11 year old

Who did you ask ? 

[RobinRobin 9215]

All the best Rents.  Good to see we still have CT with real world problems to put it all in perspective, though.

[Alex 30396]

9 hours ago, Christmas Tree said:

Some shit game called incoherent. Never again  

Christ! It gets worse

[The Fish 8989]

On 19/04/2022 at 17:26, Renton said:

 

I had a cuuncillor when I was going through a rough time 5 years ago, she was the fucking the pits, she actually helped precipitate a full scale nervous breakdown. The one I'm seeing now is okay, I just agreed to it because I had taken a fair bit of time of at work when my dad died because my head was so fucked. Anxiety through the roof, panic attacks.  But it's done on Zoom and she doesn't understand my accent. Thing is, I just feel incredibly uncomfortable opening up to a stranger. Which is odd because I'm constantly spilling out my emotions in public on here! Got a GP appointment on Thursday and will probably get put on the happy pills.

 

The other thing that has actually come as a surprise to me is how much I miss my Dad and sister. There's so many reminders, just seen my sister there on WhatsApp. Oh, and last week I got a letter from a debt recovery agency for her utility bills. They can get funked obviously.

 

Honestly mate, I think it would absolutely be worth spending a little time trying to find a therapist that works for you and that you can meet face-to-face. If the thought of having to talk about really difficult things wasn't bad enough, it gets worse if you lump on having the anxiety of having to repeat what you're saying or even speaking in a way that doesn't come naturally.

 

It'll cost some money mind, but a couple of sessions a month at £70 a session might be worth it, until you can shift down to 1 session a month, or whatever?

[ewerk 26334]

I've recently finished six months of CBT and found it incredibly helpful, which for someone like me who never discusses feelings was a big change. One thing I was insistent on was that it was face to face as I really didn't fancy doing it over the likes of Zoom. If you're not comfortable with the councillor you have then it's unlikely to yield results for you. Maybe book a consultation with a new one and generally by the end of that session you should know if you're a good fit. If not then you walk away and try another one.

[Renton 17767]

Yeah, you might be right. I feel awful today. My family are away so I drank way too much beer yesterday which I definitely shouldn't have done. Been violently throwing up since 5am. I'm not fit for work, going to have to phone in sick. Oh fuck, my life is a mess. Never felt this low before. Sorry for being such a misery, going to try to snap out of it. 

[Renton 17767]

Had my mum round there. She's concerned. The last thing I beed to do is put pressure on her. Jesus christ, what a twat I am.  

[The Fish 8989]

3 minutes ago, Renton said:

Yeah, you might be right. I feel awful today. My family are away so I drank way too much beer yesterday which I definitely shouldn't have done. Been violently throwing up since 5am. I'm not fit for work, going to have to phone in sick. Oh fuck, my life is a mess. Never felt this low before. Sorry for being such a misery, going to try to snap out of it. 

Don't apologise man. You've been through the ringer. It's perfectly human to feel your feelings. You don't need to 'snap out of it', you just need time to process it. And while there is a lot to process, you can absolutely do it. You just need a little help, that's all. If that help comes from reading dumb shit on here about CT's micropenis, or Wykiki ranting about... whatever the fuck bee is in his bonnet today, then that's grand. If that help comes from writing out what's on your mind, then do that too. 

 

 

[The Fish 8989]

5 minutes ago, Renton said:

Had my mum round there. She's concerned. The last thing I beed to do is put pressure on her. Jesus christ, what a twat I am.  

Honestly? It might be helpful for her to be able to look after someone a bit?

[Renton 17767]

One thing is for sure, I need to stop drinking. The depression it precipitates is something else. I can stop for weeks at a time, but then I invariably go on a bender which fucks me up. I get cravings which are insane. Any tips on how to stop completely would be greatly appreciated @Meenzer. The thought of not drinking again is pretty depressing tbh but for me the negatives now greatly outweigh the positives. What a shit place to be in. 

[Renton 17767]

Even read Allen Carrs book. What a pile of shite that was. 

[The Fish 8989]

5 minutes ago, Renton said:

Even read Allen Carrs book. What a pile of shite that was. 

4.6 stars on Amazon from 322 reviews says you're wrong.

[Renton 17767]

Carr reckons the pleasure from drinking is an illusion. Fuck off man. He also reckons his method isn't will power based. It is. Worst book I have ever read, made me want to drink more. 

 

 

[Renton 17767]

8 minutes ago, The Fish said:

4.6 stars on Amazon from 322 reviews says you're wrong.

 

And that's the wrong Carr!

[The Fish 8989]

[Meenzer 14051]

2 hours ago, Renton said:

One thing is for sure, I need to stop drinking. The depression it precipitates is something else. I can stop for weeks at a time, but then I invariably go on a bender which fucks me up. I get cravings which are insane. Any tips on how to stop completely would be greatly appreciated @Meenzer. The thought of not drinking again is pretty depressing tbh but for me the negatives now greatly outweigh the positives. What a shit place to be in. 

If there was a magic bullet that worked for everyone then I suppose no one would have a drinking problem in the first place. And it's not like what I've done has been flawlessly successful - I lapsed several times in my first year, and I had a few more wobbles during the worst of the Covid lockdowns too. But I think it's really important not to see that as a "back to square one" failure like AA would have you believe. For me the main thing is the intent. If you come to the conclusion that you really do want to (and need to) stop drinking, and you start taking steps to achieving that, it's completely fine to fuck up along the way as long as you're moving in the right direction overall.

 

Think of it as training for a marathon. You wouldn't expect every training run to be better than the last one - you'll have days where it doesn't go like you want it to, you'll have injuries and niggles and setbacks and days when you can't be arsed, all of that. The main thing is the broader picture. That's why I see December 2013 as "when I stopped drinking", even if I haven't abstained completely ever since - it's the moment when it clicked with me, even if it took a while to unlearn some pretty unhealthy behaviours and get the right tools in place. Absolutely no one can do that from one day to the next, and if they say they can, they're a liar (or they're setting themselves up for a massive relapse one day).

 

So I think you do need to internalise what you said there - "the negatives now greatly outweigh the positives" - and keep hammering that home until it begins to stick. "Never drinking again" does feel like a big imposition when you frame it like that, but "never feeling like absolute shit after drinking again" is a pretty good incentive if you can flip it round that way instead.

 

For what it's worth, I went to in-person meetings with a group called SMART Recovery for about nine months in 2014-15 (and then again online for a few months after my lockdown wobble). I found them really useful, and I don't think they're necessarily just for people who have a more "conventional" addiction (i.e. using every day or whatever). They deal in science-based approaches, digging into why we do what we do and challenging the thinking that leads you to engage in addictive behaviours. A lot of it is CBT-adjacent, cost-benefit analyses, that kind of thing - the stuff your logical brain knows really but that you're liable to throw out of the window when you're feeling shit and just want to get blitzed, so the more you work through it and internalise it, the more chance there is of you applying it when it comes to the crunch.

 

I don't know if there's anything like that around your way, but I'd definitely recommend an evidence-/science-based approach over AA, which I tried for one meeting and found to be absolutely depressing - all that "I realised I was powerless in the face of my addiction" stuff - bollocks. The choice to drink is just that, it's a choice you make, so you can also choose not to. The point is not to surrender yourself to your feelings, but to work out what it is you're feeling and what you're telling yourself that gives you the "permission" to make that choice in the first place against your better judgement - and, consequently, how to make different decisions in the moment. (Absolutely no shade meant on AA, it works well for a lot of people, I just think you're probably like me in the way your brain approaches these things and I imagine you'd benefit from something more rational.)

In practical terms, cravings are definitely a right bugger, and for all they've lessened greatly for me over time, they still kick in in my weaker moments. There's nothing that definitely always works for me - it's a bit different every time. Sometimes a non-alcoholic drink scratches the itch enough (including in a pub environment, if you feel confident to do so without hitting a real drink - sometimes "low-stakes social contact" is actually the itch that needs scratching), sometimes pigging out on unhealthy food does the trick (not exactly a long-term option, but practically speaking it's a far lesser evil in the moment), or sometimes you just need to distract yourself or exercise or just get out of the house and have a change of scene until you can ride it out.

 

Weirdly I found myself eating loads of Haribo after I first stopped, without asking myself why - turns out the body craves the sugar as much as the actual effect of the alcohol, so that's quite a common side-effect of stopping drinking. Tangfastics instead of Tanqueray. Who knew?  

 

I realise the above is all a bit stream-of-consciousness and I'm not sure any of it will be actively useful, but there's some jumping-off points there at least. Feel free to PM me any time if you want to, obviously, though if you're happy keeping the discussion here then it might help others too, you never know!

 

 

[Christmas Tree 3997]

@Meenzer I might be remembering a load of bollocks, but didn’t you say at the time that starting the park runs helped you “switch one addiction for a better addiction”?

 

 

[Renton 17767]

1 hour ago, Meenzer said:

If there was a magic bullet that worked for everyone then I suppose no one would have a drinking problem in the first place. And it's not like what I've done has been flawlessly successful - I lapsed several times in my first year, and I had a few more wobbles during the worst of the Covid lockdowns too. But I think it's really important not to see that as a "back to square one" failure like AA would have you believe. For me the main thing is the intent. If you come to the conclusion that you really do want to (and need to) stop drinking, and you start taking steps to achieving that, it's completely fine to fuck up along the way as long as you're moving in the right direction overall.

 

Think of it as training for a marathon. You wouldn't expect every training run to be better than the last one - you'll have days where it doesn't go like you want it to, you'll have injuries and niggles and setbacks and days when you can't be arsed, all of that. The main thing is the broader picture. That's why I see December 2013 as "when I stopped drinking", even if I haven't abstained completely ever since - it's the moment when it clicked with me, even if it took a while to unlearn some pretty unhealthy behaviours and get the right tools in place. Absolutely no one can do that from one day to the next, and if they say they can, they're a liar (or they're setting themselves up for a massive relapse one day).

 

So I think you do need to internalise what you said there - "the negatives now greatly outweigh the positives" - and keep hammering that home until it begins to stick. "Never drinking again" does feel like a big imposition when you frame it like that, but "never feeling like absolute shit after drinking again" is a pretty good incentive if you can flip it round that way instead.

 

For what it's worth, I went to in-person meetings with a group called SMART Recovery for about nine months in 2014-15 (and then again online for a few months after my lockdown wobble). I found them really useful, and I don't think they're necessarily just for people who have a more "conventional" addiction (i.e. using every day or whatever). They deal in science-based approaches, digging into why we do what we do and challenging the thinking that leads you to engage in addictive behaviours. A lot of it is CBT-adjacent, cost-benefit analyses, that kind of thing - the stuff your logical brain knows really but that you're liable to throw out of the window when you're feeling shit and just want to get blitzed, so the more you work through it and internalise it, the more chance there is of you applying it when it comes to the crunch.

 

I don't know if there's anything like that around your way, but I'd definitely recommend an evidence-/science-based approach over AA, which I tried for one meeting and found to be absolutely depressing - all that "I realised I was powerless in the face of my addiction" stuff - bollocks. The choice to drink is just that, it's a choice you make, so you can also choose not to. The point is not to surrender yourself to your feelings, but to work out what it is you're feeling and what you're telling yourself that gives you the "permission" to make that choice in the first place against your better judgement - and, consequently, how to make different decisions in the moment. (Absolutely no shade meant on AA, it works well for a lot of people, I just think you're probably like me in the way your brain approaches these things and I imagine you'd benefit from something more rational.)

In practical terms, cravings are definitely a right bugger, and for all they've lessened greatly for me over time, they still kick in in my weaker moments. There's nothing that definitely always works for me - it's a bit different every time. Sometimes a non-alcoholic drink scratches the itch enough (including in a pub environment, if you feel confident to do so without hitting a real drink - sometimes "low-stakes social contact" is actually the itch that needs scratching), sometimes pigging out on unhealthy food does the trick (not exactly a long-term option, but practically speaking it's a far lesser evil in the moment), or sometimes you just need to distract yourself or exercise or just get out of the house and have a change of scene until you can ride it out.

 

Weirdly I found myself eating loads of Haribo after I first stopped, without asking myself why - turns out the body craves the sugar as much as the actual effect of the alcohol, so that's quite a common side-effect of stopping drinking. Tangfastics instead of Tanqueray. Who knew?  

 

I realise the above is all a bit stream-of-consciousness and I'm not sure any of it will be actively useful, but there's some jumping-off points there at least. Feel free to PM me any time if you want to, obviously, though if you're happy keeping the discussion here then it might help others too, you never know!

 

 

 

Cheers Meenzer. I always admired your honesty in these matters. I've just gone to the shops to replace a bottle of Bailey's I caned last night so the wife won't know. And what do you know, I’ve drank a third of of it already to "cure" my symptoms. Working out the ABV and trying to work out when I will be safe to drive to Scotland now. I'm going to feel like hell later. That's for sure. 

 

About a year ago I realised that what I was feeling after a session wasn't a hangover any more, it was withdrawal. Two days on the drink or more gets me into this state. Dry heaves, anxiety, crippling depression. At my worst I get sweats and palpitations. Never any shakes so far though. But aye, it's time to stop. Will check out SMART recovery I think. Its crazy. On paper I have everything going for me. But in reality I just can't cope. The only positive I have is I can give up for months at a time, and actually really quite enjoy these periods. But then I get overwhelming cravings and self destruct. Doesn't help that alcohol is everywhere either. Got a works do in 2 weeks and will have to make excuses. Not looking forward to it. 

[Ayatollah Hermione 12767]

Mate, the fact that all of us keep it somewhat together is a miracle and the majority of us haven’t had the 18 month or so you’ve had. The fact you acknowledge that it’s destructive at all is definitely a positive in this situation, I’d say.