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if you heard a joke today, post it


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On 30/12/2023 at 15:00, Tdansmith said:

A slice of apple pie in Jamaica is $2.

It's $2.50 in The Bahamas.

These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

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I remember back in 2001 on New Years Day, most of the family were hungover as fuck, so I took my 7-yr old niece for a walk through the woods at Bolam Lake. 
It was late by the time we got there, tbh, as I’d had a sherbet or two the night previously. 

As the light started to fade, she said

“ Ohh, it’s getting dark Uncle Fist- it’s a bit spooky!”

 

I said, “ Aye it is pet, and I’ve got to walk back alone.”

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31 minutes ago, Monkeys Fist said:

I remember back in 2001 on New Years Day, most of the family were hungover as fuck, so I took my 7-yr old niece for a walk through the woods at Bolam Lake. 
It was late by the time we got there, tbh, as I’d had a sherbet or two the night previously. 

As the light started to fade, she said

“ Ohh, it’s getting dark Uncle Fist- it’s a bit spooky!”

 

I said, “ Aye it is pet, and I’ve got to walk back alone.”

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1 hour ago, Monkeys Fist said:

I remember back in 2001 on New Years Day, most of the family were hungover as fuck, so I took my 7-yr old niece for a walk through the woods at Bolam Lake. 
It was late by the time we got there, tbh, as I’d had a sherbet or two the night previously. 

As the light started to fade, she said

“ Ohh, it’s getting dark Uncle Fist- it’s a bit spooky!”

 

I said, “ Aye it is pet, and I’ve got to walk back alone.”

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8 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said:

I remember back in 2001 on New Years Day, most of the family were hungover as fuck, so I took my 7-yr old niece for a walk through the woods at Bolam Lake. 
It was late by the time we got there, tbh, as I’d had a sherbet or two the night previously. 

As the light started to fade, she said

“ Ohh, it’s getting dark Uncle Fist- it’s a bit spooky!”

 

I said, “ Aye it is pet, and I’ve got to walk back alone.”

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A young Geordie lad goes to see the Doctor, clearly in some discomfort - there's a Newcastle Brown Ale bottle sticking out from his foot.  After an inspection and diagnosis the Doctor reassuringly declared..

 

'No need to worry bonny lad, it's just an ingrowing Toon ale'

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21 minutes ago, Wardi said:

A young Geordie lad goes to see the Doctor, clearly in some discomfort - there's a Newcastle Brown Ale bottle sticking out from his foot.  After an inspection and diagnosis the Doctor reassuringly declared..

 

'No need to worry bonny lad, it's just an ingrowing Toon ale'

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32 minutes ago, Wardi said:

A young Geordie lad goes to see the Doctor, clearly in some discomfort - there's a Newcastle Brown Ale bottle sticking out from his foot.  After an inspection and diagnosis the Doctor reassuringly declared..

 

'No need to worry bonny lad, it's just an ingrowing Toon ale'

 

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46 minutes ago, Wardi said:

A young Geordie lad goes to see the Doctor, clearly in some discomfort - there's a Newcastle Brown Ale bottle sticking out from his foot.  After an inspection and diagnosis the Doctor reassuringly declared..

 

'No need to worry bonny lad, it's just an ingrowing Toon ale'


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1 hour ago, Wardi said:

A young Geordie lad goes to see the Doctor, clearly in some discomfort - there's a Newcastle Brown Ale bottle sticking out from his foot.  After an inspection and diagnosis the Doctor reassuringly declared..

 

'No need to worry bonny lad, it's just an ingrowing Toon ale'

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1 hour ago, Wardi said:

A young Geordie lad goes to see the Doctor, clearly in some discomfort - there's a Newcastle Brown Ale bottle sticking out from his foot.  After an inspection and diagnosis the Doctor reassuringly declared..

 

'No need to worry bonny lad, it's just an ingrowing Toon ale'

 

article-2212704-15580BDE000005DC-397_634

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Three T-Rex find an oil lamp, and, of course, after giving it a rub with their stubby little arms, a genie pops out and grants them three wishes. 
First T-Rex asks for a massive chunk of meat. 
Poooof- there it is. 
 

Second T-Rex, not to be outdone, asks for a shower of meaty chunks. 
 

Pooof- there it is. 
 

Third T-Rex, needing to outdo his pals, thinks for a second and then asks for a meatier shower.…
 

Booooooooooom. 

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3 hours ago, Wardi said:

A young Geordie lad goes to see the Doctor, clearly in some discomfort - there's a Newcastle Brown Ale bottle sticking out from his foot.  After an inspection and diagnosis the Doctor reassuringly declared..

 

'No need to worry bonny lad, it's just an ingrowing Toon ale'

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