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Can’t wait to go to his testimonial. Don’t care that he’ll only have been here 5 years. Make it happen

Looking forward to this tbh, posted after spurs v Man Utd the other night…

‘I’m sorry, truly sorry that… you all support such a shite football team! Muhahahaha’ *mic drop*

Will be the only thing that got put in the bin by those scruffy cunts

My guess is that he’s had it, and is going to publicly slag the fuck out of everyone who’s pissed him off, resign, mic drop, then stride off out of there. Because, if not, and he’s actually going to apologise, this is the funniest thing about The Cunts in a season filled with comic moments.

On this seasons form, he’d get his pants halfway down, trip over, smash his teeth out, then blackout until Plod turned up.

Look who’s just woken up in a bin near Wembley.

Wyki coming up on his first E

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DJ34y19gzjg/?igsh=MWxpNWJjZDE0d2M1NA%3D%3D

Committing rape would be a bit much tbh.

I thought that was a piss take, but joyously it's not https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/articles/cqj7y9q9g04o

Needs to stride up to the Stretford End like this.

I hope it's like Rocky at the end of Rocky 4.

Hope he does a Connor McGregor with it. He’d go up in my estimations

Stick around Blastronaut, I thought you'd gone after some differences of opinion with people on the football forum, but pleased to see you back. 👍

This is another one of your schemes, isn’t it? You’ve clearly put as much thought in to this as you have every other scheme you’ve come up with in the past, so let me do the thinking for you- don’t bother But, like every other past scheme, we know you’ll take any advice with a hefty pinch of salt and totally ignore it, so, to save your poor Mrs from getting another “suspicious activity” alert on the savings account, here’s what you do.… Your cheapest season ticket is £490, so open your bitchcoin account, find that lump you’ve been “hodling for the bull run”, and cash it all in. Then, sell the metecting gear- get an add on Craigslist, cash only, and flog it as a “beginner’s set”. Say it comes with a free lifetime membership of Sunderland Archaeological Diggers ( Boldon And South Tyneside Area Rural Division), and knock up a mug with the above printed on it ( You might want to go initials only to save a few quid on costs) Meet them in a field, that you’ve previously scattered with some iron filings, hand over the kit, get the cash, and once they’ve got headphones on and get the first BEEP, fucking skedaddle! So, you’ve bought your ticket. Firstly, you’re only going to see one of the two derbies- you’ve got no chance of getting a ticket for the SJP game, so you’re stuck with the game at the SoS. Obviously, you’ll be in the home seats, aka the Toilets, so you’ll need a few tips to blend in with the locals and not be outed as a Maggy Bastid. DRESS- You’ll need one of their tops, and some Sports Direct bargain tracky bottoms. Get them now, two sizes too small. and dump them in the garden-don’t wash them before the game. PATTER- For general patter, look back on your posts in the Brexit and Politics threads from around 2016, memorise them and crack on, you’ll fit right in. When it comes to past players, unless it’s Bally or Quinny , spit on the ground if anyone mentions any player who has left the club, especially if they’re black. Also, get some practice in at BEWWING! You’ll need to do this most of the time you’re in there. If all else fails, whip out some pocket cheese and offer it around. Which brings us to… FOOD- once you hit the concession stand , pre-match, twenty minutes in, at HT, and 50 minutes in, you’re at risk of discovery unless you follow two simple rules; The only acceptable topping for your bucket of chips is cheeyse. The only acceptable drink is Blue. After 50 minutes you can relax as every fucker will have left anyway. TOILET BREAKS- given your pea-sized bladder, you’ll be pleased to note that you won’t need to leave your seat if you need the bog, in fact, getting up to go to the bog will likely raise suspicions of Magness, so stay put and evacuate in-situ. Finally, don’t forget to add FTM at the end of everything you say, marra. Enjoy.

I hadn't realised it'd gone offline tbf, just had a browse today and thought I might've dreamt my few weeks on here with equal parts relief and mild confusion. Cheers for keeping this place going @Andrew. I'm not one of you but as far as congregations go you're mostly all incredibly sound and reasonable people when your not talking about football. > hopefully the place will stay up through tomorrow. It might not be fully erect, but you can still keep it upright.

Great for the league to have a proper class club in it. The Premier League should provide complimentary cheese slices for all of their supporters as a thank you.

Are their match tickets not about 10 quid a pop at the mo?

It’s a bit of a disastrous day for their club to be honest all we’ve heard for over a decade from there lot is how the Premier League is shit and they don’t wanna be in it- so obviously since they’re such a fine principled set of fans they’re going to see a drop off in Match day attendances, the lakes of which they won’t have experienced since a few weeks ago

Woken up to a load of deleted messages in my football group chat with mates from home. Apparently our resident liverpool fan has had a HUGE rant about Alexander-Arnold leaving liverpool and has deleted them in embarrassment when he was informed that not only does no one else in the group give a shit but that practically every non-liverpool fan in the country thinks they're being a bunch of twats by having such a problem with him leaving. football is brilliant.

It’s fucking bullshit anyway. How do you implement something whilst paring back the very institutions that would be tasked with implementing something this complicated? The real issue here is the government’s complicity in continuing the previous one’s policy of being disingenuous and hoying out bollocks just to create an impression of tackling X, Y or Z.

For me it's not even the slippery slope, though that is a completely valid point. It just offends my sense of humanity even for legit offenders. It's like throwing in the towel on trying to better society and resorting to draconian and brutal methods in order to spare us from doing the hard yards to make society better. It's like saying "Some people are just born bad and it's not in our power to do anything about it". It's a very right wing view in my eyes, that 'evil' is something that just exists and that we don't need to understand why or address any of the underlying causes. Just put a bullet in it and write them off. It's that kind of vibe.

I feel sorry for that fucker they signed on loan who now has to stay.