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Retained players list has been announced. Wilson & Ruddy both out of contract but the club is in discussions with both and new contracts could still be agreed. Jamal Lewis is being released. Llloyd Kelly's permanent transfer to Juventus is confirmed. All other first team players retained. Gillespie has had the option to retain activiated.

Speaking of which

*googles two high agency males going at it*

Just got sent this it’s quite funny especially at the end with the Mackem

At this point I’m cheering for the asteroid

He is reliably looking after number one as always.

Anyone tried getting the magpie mover? Last season I included it when I got my season ticket but I don't think there was the option for next season. I'm trying to get one now and when I go to pay it just keeps saying declined by payment gateway. I've tried a few different cards and get the same message every time.

They haven't factored in the £250m prize money for winning last seasons Sela Cup.

He might want to be no.1 somewhere but if there's something in this the champions league might swing it...24, last year of contact, knows the league and is Brazilian so you'd imagine settling in might be fairly easy...it all makes sense, he's at least as good as peak Wilson...

Chelsea sold themselves a sack of balls for £290m.

Just how the fuck is this worked out?!

If that isn’t the hot Mitch summer, I don’t know what is

Linked with Muniz from Fulham as backup to Isak. He's got 12 months left on his contract I think so looks to be the budget (shitter) backup option to Delap/Joao Pedro. Same agency as Trippier.

So when do people think we will announce a first teamer?

You're not in work now. There's no pay rise for licking the bossman's hoop.

"So lad says, 'Wykikeh, are you on that linkedin?', ah says, 'Linkedin? Tha'd have to be right twat to be on that shit show, you're not on it are you?' He then looked a bit sheepish so I told him that anyone on LinkedIn, ah wouldn't be showing them a bird's nest, the absolewte wrong'uns they are!"

As always Andrew, thanks we are massively grateful of the work you do man.

Thebrokencunt?

Nailed it. I was asked by someone if I was on Linkedin yesterday and I said no. He asked why and I said it was full shite like 'Whilst dropping off Tarquin at nursery this morning in the Aston, he asked if he could give some of his pocket money to the homeless guy out of the window. It was such a heart warming moment. I then dropped him off with a gold plated nappy and with a glow in my heart' Anyways, after I said that he seemed a little disappointed