Howmanheyman

Top man, I'd almost forgotten about this, loved The Singing Detective and Lipstick on your collar, how come UK Gold or whatever cannot get this back on, and yes, there were some fucking great looking lasses in Dennis Potters shows and surreal scenes where the characters would sing some old classic songs from the fifties. Brilliant. Good post Stevie, but Scrogg Road is in Walker, wouldn't want Joey to get lost in Shields Road looking for the Golly Wog!

One day, the beautiful, but dim, Lady Muck knocked on the Vicarage door. "Hello Lady Muck", said the sly old Vicar, "What can I do for you, today?" "Well, Vicar, I just had a builder round my house and I called him a Fucking Bastard!" "My goodness, Lady Muck! Whatever did the chap do to induce you to utter such ungodly foul language?", Said the Vicar. "Well, Vicar, I made him a cup of tea and also a cucumber sandwich and as I gave him them he started to fondle my breasts!" The horny old Vicar spotted his chance to take advantage of the beautiful but dippy toff. "Hmmnnn......Do you mean like this", he said as he groped the Lady's jubblies. "Yes Vicar! It was exactly like that!" "No, Lady Muck, I'm afraid I can't condone such obscene and filthy language, did he, errm, did he do anything else?" He asked with a gleam in his eye. "Yes Vicar! He pulled my dress up, pulled my knickers down and started to give me one from behind!" Bingo! Thought the sly, horny old Vicar as a smile slowly crept over his face. "Do you mean like this?" Said the Vicar as he lifted up the dippy toffs dress and pullled down her knickers and started to have sex from behind with the Lady. "Yes Vicar! It was exactly like that" She said as she turned her head to look at the now panting old Goat. "No Lady Muck, I'm....errr......afraid I still can't.....(pant).....can't condone such.....(pant)......such frightful language", he replied. Sensing his impending climax the dirty Vicar asked Lady Muck, "Did he, err.....(pant).....did he do anything......(groan)......else......My beautiful Lady?" "Yes Vicar", She replied, "He told me he had acute Herpes and full blown Gonorrhea" The Vicar replied; "THE FUCKING BASTARD!!!!!"

If I remember rightly, Brenner is a Manc.

P.S. Mac must have been mental to agree to get as cat especially if he didn't want it. At the end of the day, pets fucking stink! I like dogs, cats etc as much as the next bloke but I'm fucked if I'd let one in my house, luckily the wife hates them so I've got back up when the kids ask for a dog.

Just let it out, whats the worst that could happen? It bites the bullet? So what? You never wanted it and you can tell the missus that it was a fait accompli and that you just not meant to have a cat, put a sign round his neck with 'C'mon then you pussies, you want some?' to help him get into bother.

I wouldn't gan that far. I've never seen a bigger amount of collective tramps as their support yesterday though. I remember when Barton first came he said Mancs are all about image and what they wear and how they look, whereas scousers and geordies are more earthy pisshead types. Well he's wrong, you don't see many scruffy toon fans, we're well dressed and presentable on the whole, them though yesterday like I say, was like 2,800 Paul Calfs. It's no wonder Manchester people are Britain's fattest and most susceptible to heart attacks. http://www.true-faith.co.uk/tf/Matches.nsf...ulCalfLarge.jpg I don't think Man City have ever been that mouthy, last time they came here there was only 1,000 of them, that's all they ever used to bring give or take 500 other than that neet Cup game when Keegan came back. A lot of Mancs are gobshites, doesn't matter how many they bring up, it's the sussed image they like to project. Got no time for them at all, even though they've had decent support in the past, it's the shit patter I can't stand.

See I don't think they were as mouthy as they normallly are, Mancs, red or blue have some kind of inbuilt bullshit swagger for some very strange reason. Very up themselves. I almost think some of the City lot are a bit embarressed how they've become the new Chelsea. They were knobs, though, just not as much as they have been in the past, plus the fact that we didn't get 17,000 crowds when we went down would've genuinely surprised some of their more braindead fans, and the 'Where were you?" didn't get the normal airing it used to get. Prefer scousers to be honest.

Once when I was about 22, I was visiting family in Northern Ireland during the troubles, my cousin was seeing this lass who was catholic and I got into her mate whilst I was staying over there, we went out as a foursome and my cousin's lass was off the drink and drove us around to different bars until we ended up at this place in West Belfast where every other fucker was walking around with Celtic tops on. There was a karoake on and very noisy, I told my cousin that we were going to have a pint and get the fuck out of the club before some cunt twigged my accent and put two and two together and thought that a Brit squaddie was shagging one of their lasses, I wasn't a squaddie but you didn't get too many Geordie 22 year olds in Ulster back then who weren't in the forces so didn't think they'd have been inclined to believe me and even if the vast majority would've been fine it would only have took one bloke to pick the phone up and make a call to some nasty cunts. Anyway, it was noisy but I was bursting for a piss so I had to go the bog where it was quiet and I was the only one in, halfway through my very long piss a gadgie walks in, "What about, ye? you with Denice? she's a lovely girl so she is, I'm her uncle, you look after now" I smiled, mumbled something in my best Belfast accent I could do and got the fuck out as fast as I could! Definitely an 'Oh fuck' moment.

The slating Krul's had in this thread you wouldn't have thought Carroll wasn't getting any balls delivered to him in the first place. Grossly unfair imo. Think he's done well generally, no wonder his clanger in the first minute knocked him a bit, he's a young lad, a dropping won't do him any good either. No it wouldn't but at least the new manager, love him or hate him, has said players are in due to merit and Krul earned his spot. He could have been hooked after that but wasn't yesterday. Harper's recall will be justified now. After one mistake? Bit harsh iyam; he's hardly world class but he's dependable at a young age and it's one clanger. He went on to have a canny game, despite not having to save much and I don't think it's fair or justified to drop a young keeper for making one mistake. As HmHm has said, he's been teetering on the edge for a while. Yesterday's cost us the goal that killed the game as a contest. Harper is back now, and he doesn't take those kinds of options like Krul has, as I said it's not the first time he's done it. It's all experience, but we're trying to avoid relegation here this season. Krul needs to go back and learn from his mistakes and be ready again for a call-up and cut out those high-risk plays from his game, imo. Keepers are funny, Fergie ruined Jim Leighton by dropping him for the cup final and Krul might be ok about getting dropped but I'd be inclined to keep him in, if he does something dodgy in the next game, get Harper back in.

Krul's been living dangerously for a while and thats been coming for a while, do you go for the short term and drop him or persevere with the long term in mind as we might have a very good keeper in the future? We were ok for the most part but what a shit start that ruined yesterday, crowd stuck by the side though whilst the City lot were really piss poor, where was the Manc swagger and piss taking? They were shit and need a few tips from their mates from Salford on how to rub it in when you're two up with only five minutes gone. It would've been justice if we'd got an equaliser but shit happens, take it on the chin and move on. Rumours the ref drove up to the game with a sky blue scarf hanging out his window with 'Blue moon' blaring out his stereo have yet to be confirmed.

Never seen that, thought they were quite muted for they're standards.

Better than I was before I logged on at about eleven-ish. Cheers, Toontastic, You's aren't a bad lot at times, goodnight!

Only shite present I got is a bottle of the new Fahrenheit off me aunt, I didn't like the old Fahrenheit and I don't like the new un. Reminds me of The Half Moon and Robinsons Town House cos them places used to reak of the stuff with all the rarfies that used to populate them. Got a lot of much needed cash which is much appreciated and something which I'll keep forever a DVD which I've not had time to watch yet of SBR called "A Knight to Remember". Rarfie? Never heard that word for a good few years! The half moon, full of west end charvas, plus the average Tyneside male out with his pants and shirt on, (in case he had bother getting in anywhere), can of red stripe in his mitts, ah the memories! East end charvas were in Butlers like? Hey a charva is a charva, I think there's a higher percentage from East of the city than West as well, but I concede a better class of charva. Butlers? Couldn't stand it and wor usual crowd from Walker/gate would always pop in it as well! Anyway, the word charver was in its infancy when I was clubbing, I tell you this, an'all, stevie. We'd only go out in top clobber, usually a top of the range dress shirt brought from Burtons in Eldon Square to go with decent black pants! Was about 1993 first time I went to the toon drinking, thankfully I just missed the worst era of male clothing ever. Remember when Gazza got kicked in the knee in Walkers, it showed you people getting interviewed outside and every one of them had an Aha haircut. Oh dear. Sid the Sexist had the classic late 80's clobber like, apart from the cock mortif on his polo shirt like. Whereas I caught the end of the era! Still smile when I see the Sid the sexist clobber and Bigg Market routine. have a look at some of the gadgies on the 'Hitman and Her' on youtube if you're bored one time. Funny as fuck. Will dee Burton's am laughin at yee shoppin there It was seen as a real upmarket shop as well wasn't it. Did ye have a flat top haircut??? A seem to remember everyone thought Leeds were cool cos they were sponsored by Top Man. Laugh away! Never thought Leeds were cool because of topshop but there was a bit of envy and thinking, how the fuck are leeds in Newcastle city centre? (Same as if I ever saw a Liverpool/Everton/whatever shirt in Monument Sports!) By the way, had the classic flick on the top of my head with a short back and sides.

Its a rare home game on Boxing day, it's a game against a rich club, a big game for both sides. We've done more than decent in these type of games and I'll be disappointed if we don't win tomorrow, could also easily see them beating us if we're not on our game, it's just that I think we will be on our game. They'll not fancy it at SJP if the early battles don't go their way and the atmosphere is cranked up. The only question is.....Will they sing 'where were you when you were shite?'.

Only shite present I got is a bottle of the new Fahrenheit off me aunt, I didn't like the old Fahrenheit and I don't like the new un. Reminds me of The Half Moon and Robinsons Town House cos them places used to reak of the stuff with all the rarfies that used to populate them. Got a lot of much needed cash which is much appreciated and something which I'll keep forever a DVD which I've not had time to watch yet of SBR called "A Knight to Remember". Rarfie? Never heard that word for a good few years! The half moon, full of west end charvas, plus the average Tyneside male out with his pants and shirt on, (in case he had bother getting in anywhere), can of red stripe in his mitts, ah the memories! East end charvas were in Butlers like? Hey a charva is a charva, I think there's a higher percentage from East of the city than West as well, but I concede a better class of charva. Butlers? Couldn't stand it and wor usual crowd from Walker/gate would always pop in it as well! Anyway, the word charver was in its infancy when I was clubbing, I tell you this, an'all, stevie. We'd only go out in top clobber, usually a top of the range dress shirt brought from Burtons in Eldon Square to go with decent black pants! Was about 1993 first time I went to the toon drinking, thankfully I just missed the worst era of male clothing ever. Remember when Gazza got kicked in the knee in Walkers, it showed you people getting interviewed outside and every one of them had an Aha haircut. Oh dear. Sid the Sexist had the classic late 80's clobber like, apart from the cock mortif on his polo shirt like. Whereas I caught the end of the era! Still smile when I see the Sid the sexist clobber and Bigg Market routine. have a look at some of the gadgies on the 'Hitman and Her' on youtube if you're bored one time. Funny as fuck.

Aye thats not far off from where I'm at, I was a bit gutted as I thought the eldest was a bit disappointed but did her best not to show it which made it worse in a way, she did get the one thing she wanted which she was told she had no chance of getting but overall we were very shite this year, I got wor lass two CD's and that was it, she's got money to spend herself at her leisure. I bought myself a kindle supposedly for christmas but I just kept it. The bairns were happy enough. I sometimes cannot stand christmas as I'm a bit shite at it cos even when I do well it's fucking stress city knowing what to get the family. Glad its over and will do better next year, definitely the worst one I've had since the kids came along by a long way. Happy Christmas and all that shite. Yours, Ebeneezer. I bet they've had a great day, mate. If the eldest daughter's over 7 she may aswell be 40 'cos they're that hard to keep sweet. Don't hammer yourself over it though. If they've had a belly full of their mams dinner and a few toys off santa they'll have gone to bed happy bairns. I admire those who buy their lasses diamond encrusted mobiles and chocolates dipped in jesus' piss but in most peoples reality, in a family, it's a few select items and a day of not arguin'. She's not hoid a strop today so that's the best present I could've had Al the best to you's al. They'll have the easter eggs on display next week. Amen to that, Brother! Once we'd been round the doors I cheered a bit as wor lass seemed happy enough, the bairns did and we had dinner at my folks for a change which went canny enough.

Only shite present I got is a bottle of the new Fahrenheit off me aunt, I didn't like the old Fahrenheit and I don't like the new un. Reminds me of The Half Moon and Robinsons Town House cos them places used to reak of the stuff with all the rarfies that used to populate them. Got a lot of much needed cash which is much appreciated and something which I'll keep forever a DVD which I've not had time to watch yet of SBR called "A Knight to Remember". Rarfie? Never heard that word for a good few years! The half moon, full of west end charvas, plus the average Tyneside male out with his pants and shirt on, (in case he had bother getting in anywhere), can of red stripe in his mitts, ah the memories! East end charvas were in Butlers like? Hey a charva is a charva, I think there's a higher percentage from East of the city than West as well, but I concede a better class of charva. Butlers? Couldn't stand it and wor usual crowd from Walker/gate would always pop in it as well! Anyway, the word charver was in its infancy when I was clubbing, I tell you this, an'all, stevie. We'd only go out in top clobber, usually a top of the range dress shirt brought from Burtons in Eldon Square to go with decent black pants!

Only shite present I got is a bottle of the new Fahrenheit off me aunt, I didn't like the old Fahrenheit and I don't like the new un. Reminds me of The Half Moon and Robinsons Town House cos them places used to reak of the stuff with all the rarfies that used to populate them. Got a lot of much needed cash which is much appreciated and something which I'll keep forever a DVD which I've not had time to watch yet of SBR called "A Knight to Remember". Rarfie? Never heard that word for a good few years! The half moon, full of west end charvas, plus the average Tyneside male out with his pants and shirt on, (in case he had bother getting in anywhere), can of red stripe in his mitts, ah the memories!

Aye thats not far off from where I'm at, I was a bit gutted as I thought the eldest was a bit disappointed but did her best not to show it which made it worse in a way, she did get the one thing she wanted which she was told she had no chance of getting but overall we were very shite this year, I got wor lass two CD's and that was it, she's got money to spend herself at her leisure. I bought myself a kindle supposedly for christmas but I just kept it. The bairns were happy enough. I sometimes cannot stand christmas as I'm a bit shite at it cos even when I do well it's fucking stress city knowing what to get the family. Glad its over and will do better next year, definitely the worst one I've had since the kids came along by a long way. Happy Christmas and all that shite. Yours, Ebeneezer.

(We're laughing on the outside but cut up about it deep down, is there anything we can do to get your approval, oh great one?)

They call it Nursery I always remember an oldish bloke coming up to a window with a couple of young kids as our bus drove past their house in Middlesbrough, they had manky net curtains in a scruffy window, the bloke had a can in his hand and the kids just had knickers and vests on with tomato sauce stains on the vests, (least I fucking hope they were tomato sauce stains!!). They all, kids included, gave us the V's and wanking gestures, this was about 1989.

I typed ASM in and it came up, 'El Cunto' for some strange reason. Don't know how the thing works to be honest, I mean, how does that work out?

Given Toughguymick a feeble excuse to come and chat with his betters, the little Mancunian Red, that he is. (And born in Liverpool, too! Oh the shame).

Every time I see Wheater he always reminds of another young local Boro lad, namely Jamie Pollock. I'm sure their training acadamy involves them beating up the kids then throwing them into darkened kennels for days without food before chucking a steak in and seeing which kid comes out on top before leading him out the kennel and telling him to run face first into a brick wall. Would definitely explain Pollock's features, genuinely a face of a bulldog licking piss from a particularly strong nettle.