Howmanheyman

Aye it's 'something for Brucie tow get his teeth intow' according to Mr Charisma on the mic.

Alan Smith is just so bori......ZZZZZzzzzzzz.

Will it be the same people who won the war despite being babies or not even born during the war and who won it because they weren't snowflakes?

I was there last week and vast majority didn't have a mask. I didn't have a mask last night when I nipped out in a hurry to get some bits and bobs from Sainsburys and felt guilty I forgot mine. Ratio was closer to haves/have nots in Sainsburys than it was in B&Q in North Shields.

So he's got the funds and can protect them too? Win/win for them.

It's happening, folks.....

Pure guesswork!

"Well diary, long time no see, ah was just about to set off for graft as some clever cunt, or so-called clever cunt had intraduc, introjuice, err brought in social distancing into Thomson house and we all had to go back after dialling it in through the lockdown until ah mentioned us all bunching up as we all started together so ah managed to get staggered starts so ah was still in the house when me batphone rang. "Hello, Lee Ryder, award winning sports journalist, Newcastle chronicle, speak to me." It was pigeon chest Campbell. "Alreet, Lee? We were ah'll on WhatsApp yesterday and we're gannin to Benidorm on Tuesday. Ah'll the lads are up for it, last minute but are you up for it? Mala said he'd ring you but ah seen him this morning in the toon getting a new phone, he dropped his old one doon the bog so ah said ahe'd phone you instead." Fucking get in, ah thought. Ah could do with a lads piss up so was on it quicker than Brucie giving a vague NUFC recollection as a bairn. Ah got into work at half ten and moaned on about the mettees being off again. Ah put me holidays in with Gibbo and then bumped into Mark Douglas who told me that Saint-Maximin had won the Ronny Gill player of the year. The award was always done at the end of the season and it would've been me handing it over this year but ah was going to be full of Cruzcampo in Benidorm with the lads and hopefully balls deep in some lucky senoritas so wouldn't be able to hand it over to the French wing wizard. Mark asked if I was ok to do it and this is what separates the Ryder's from the Douglas's of this world. "Aye, nee bother wor kid, ah'll pick the trophy up when ah go on me dinner today." Douggy asked me why and ah filled him up with some shite about needing a week to psyche mesel up and using the trophy as inspiration. Anyways, ah headed up to the cathedral on the hill on me dinner hour, handed over the award to the Gallic electric eel, Allan whilst getting a piss easy 'over the moon to be here' story and making sure le magnifique froggy swapped his phone number for the chronicle trophy so ah had another toon superstar on tap, up here for thinking, doon there for dancing and yet another example for any budding regional sports journalist of how the fuck to get stuff done! Lol. Anyways, bags to pack, Kamagra to get. Laters."

2023-24, in the conference and now a fan owned club, trouble erupts in the newly formed AFC Sunderland's boardroom meeting at the Windmill pub after buying Bill Brigg from Spennymoor where a few members of the new board go and borrow £2.7m from the bank to buy him after hearing from a mag at work that PL club Newcastle United were about to poach him, despite manager Kevin Ball saying he's only worth a set of strips.

"Let's face it, Tom, and with all due respect, the Don, rest in peace, was slipping. Could I have gotten to him a year ago?"

"It's the way you tell'em!"

Can't stand the fuckers but it's another big game against another big northern club which is a bit more livelier than games v Brighton, Watford, Bournemouth etc. Nothing against those clubs but, y'knaa.

"Name?" "The Burrowers" "Specialised subject?" "The fucking obvious, Marra." "Your sixty seconds start.....now."

I was hoping someone on here would know?

"This is not a Mag-like boycott, no.....this is a tribute.....sing!...... Ahhhhh ahhhhhhh ahhhhhhhhhhah"

It was so-so. "Shades of Ryder, there! Absolutely jumping in Thomson house! Meat and drink for Chris Waugh! Wibble."

I tell you what though, shades of carver and pardew teams in the goals going in and the manner of them. It's almost as if the longer the side don't have Benitez on their case, the more calamitous the goals?

@sammynb "Agonisingly close, yet also frustratingly far away. That magical 46-point mark is still within sight. Newcastle United are three points short of that magnificent milestone. True, that has been the case for the past 10 days but three successive defeats and a ballooning injury list have seen a tantalising tally which, at one stage, looked inevitable appear eminently unattainable. But, in their remaining fixtures at Brighton and Hove Albion and at home against Liverpool, the champions, Newcastle must accrue those final three points. Otherwise, this season has been an indisputable write-off. That is how it has been portrayed by some, at least. For reasons passing comprehension, the “success” or otherwise of Newcastle’s entire campaign is dependent upon them reaching that target. Why an arbitrary 46 points, I hear you ask? Well, because that is one more than last season’s tally under Rafa Benitez. So, as well as facing the other 19 Premier League teams this season, Steve Bruce’s Newcastle are also, in the eyes of some, fighting against the 2018-19 incarnation of themselves. This is, of course, ludicrous. Even if Newcastle as a club does so often appear to be wrestling with itself, the barometer for progress should not be a painstaking comparison between the current and former managers. The debate that has raged about whether Bruce’s Newcastle are better than Benitez’s Newcastle has become as tedious as it is pointless. It is almost as wearisome as the interminable takeover saga, which continues to leave the club in damaging stasis. There is no Bruce vs Benitez. There is no Newcastle United Mk. 2019-20 vs Newcastle United Mk. 2018-19. Or at least there shouldn’t be. It isn’t, and shouldn’t be, that superficial. It is Newcastle United against the rest of the league, most specifically those teams immediately above and below them — just as it was last season and is during every campaign. But that is not been how it has been presented in some quarters, by those pundits, including Sam Allardyce, Chris Sutton and Jamie Redknapp, who seem determined to compare them at every possible juncture. This season-long debate was frustrating to begin with and, as it has continued across the course of a campaign that has lasted almost a year, it has become thoroughly exasperating. Does it really matter if Newcastle finish with 43 points? Or 46 points? Or 49 points? Other than a few million in prize money here and there, it is almost utterly meaningless. Will this season really be viewed as a success or a failure depending on whether Newcastle better last season’s points tally or position? No, it will not and it should not. For a start, it is a completely false economy. Points are compared between seasons but they are only one measure — and, to be perfectly honest, they are a fairly poor one at that. In 2001-02, when Newcastle finished fourth under Sir Bobby Robson and qualified for the Champions League, they accrued 71 points. The following season, they picked up two fewer, with 69, yet they finished a position higher in third. So which was the better campaign? When Newcastle finished fifth in 2003-04, they did so with just 56 points. But, under Alan Pardew, they ended the 2011-12 season nine points better off with 65 points — yet that still only saw them finish fifth. This season, Liverpool could end with fewer than the 97 points they reached when they finished second last year. But this time, they have won the title at a canter. It is impossible to solely use points alone as a metric to contrast one campaign against another. It is, to an extent, irrational and even counterproductive. Now, this is certainly not intended to denigrate anyone at the club who uses an increased points haul — or a desire to better last season — as internal motivation. Far from it. That is exactly what should happen. Every club, and members of staff within them, should strive for constant self-improvement. Newcastle are coming towards the end of their third season back in the Premier League and so they should, in theory, be better than last year and the year before that. But this is not a normal club. The Mike Ashley regime have never given off the impression that they themselves hold such aspirations of advancement. Survival seems to suffice, even if they have failed even to achieve that twice. However, the coaching staff and the players certainly do want to progress. Bruce himself reiterated again this week that his goal is to “take the club forward” and that is what now needs to happen. Bruce, his coaching staff and players deserve credit for comfortably keeping a team many feared would be relegation fodder in the Premier League. It was chaotic at Newcastle last summer once Benitez departed and he was followed by Salomon Rondon and Ayoze Perez, who between them, scored 54.8 per cent of Newcastle’s 42 Premier League goals in 2018-19. And, although £65 million was spent on four permanent signings, £40 million of that was lavished on Joelinton, a forward whose head coach even admits feels “more comfortable” out wide and is “not a natural goalscorer”. The only recruit made over the past 12 months who has undoubtedly improved the starting XI is Allan Saint-Maximin, who has injected pace, excitement and, recently, end product into this Newcastle side. It has been anything but aesthetically pleasing — for most of the season, the football has been painful on the eyes — but the ends have, to an extent, justified the means. Belatedly, Bruce has even tried to evolve Newcastle’s style. In the deflating context of what Newcastle have become under Ashley, that warrants recognition. That does not mean this season has been a “success”, just as last year was not a “success” and nor, particularly, was the 10th-placed finish in 2017-18, either. In fact, Newcastle, who are 13th with 43 points after a 3-1 defeat to Tottenham Hotspur which left them with an injury-ravaged squad and two fixtures merely left to fulfil, are pretty much on course to finish off what will be yet another indifferent season under a regime that appears content with mediocrity. Across the 10 full Premier League campaigns throughout Ashley tenure, Newcastle’s average finishing position is 12.9th in the table, with 44.3 points. A middle-of-the-road return for what, under Ashley, has become a middle-of-the-road, survival-will-do football club. Some fans have even come to ask the question of: “What is the purpose of Newcastle United under Mike Ashley?” If 46 points this season really is the zenith that it has been portrayed, then Newcastle United really are going through an existential crisis." Chris 'I survived Ryder' Waugh.

Some shit on display despite doing ok at times. Just announce the fucking takeover.

Fucking Schar again.

Keegan walking into a room with the targeted player and his agent, NUFC tracksuit on and just starting to talk about juggernauts or massive ships steaming past small boats etc. Five mins and big funds later and he'd be walking out the room with a big net over his shoulder and an entangled M'bappe not knowing what hit him.

Ahem, cough.....'Pimms drinking' shithouse if you please?

The EFL (AKA 'Mysterious Tyneside businessmen') meeting deciding a club who finished outside the playoffs went up instead of Sunderland..... (Pictured).