bobbyshinton

you're talking cats aren't you

So did I, which is what I thought people were talking about at first. Could get quite messy if you don't raise the lid (actually reminds me of a student joke I once did - putting sellophane over the toilet in the girls' toilet, but that's another matter). As for my personal hate, it's people who don't wash their hands afterwards (i.e most people I find) - you scruffy, dirty, bastards. Aye, that is minging. At work the number of people that come straight out of a cubicle, having had a shit and walk straight out the door! Dirty bastards!? After a piss is bad enough, but a shit? Animals. People always think that but its surely worse the other way round. Unless you are pretty hopeless it should only be the tpilet paper getting anywhere near "the area" and not your hand, but with a piss you've had your hand on your cock! Though they do say that you actually put far more germs from your hand onto your cock than the other way round, so technically you should wash before and after a piss! Nah, flushing the bog, shifting the seat up and down, locking and unlocking the cubicle door, all of which have been touched by other people's FILTH! Either way it's absolutely minging like. Anyway, I'm eating my lunch, can we stop talking about this stuff please. In the foof factory where I used to work when going to the toilet you had to 1 wash your hands on the way into the toilet, using a knee activated tap ( leave it Gman ) 2 wash your hand after your doings (inside washroom) 3 wash your hands once out of washroom using knee activated tap They recognised doors and such were covered with bacteria

Stegna mare woor lass thinks it's in Faliraki, doing her coco, imagines we will be humping like dogs in the street. Not a pretty sight Don't bother G man The thought of you humping in the streets is making me want to poke my mind's eye out. you could not let it go

Stegna mare woor lass thinks it's in Faliraki, doing her coco, imagines we will be humping like dogs in the street. Not a pretty sight Don't bother G man

Fly Saturday Who wants what brought back?

Is this to do with the speed camera case Bloke refusing to tell law who was driving his car, reckons he has the right to remain silent

I have the start of don't want to miss a thing by aerosmith tattooed on the top of me arm with date i first met woor lass owt to say Hope you never split up / start hating aerosmith. By the way is an aerosmith an actual job title at Nestle? Did you win that comedy award then? I used to work for Nestle

I've hit a new level with this (don't say it ) A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop & her son saying, "All of you b*astards who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you b*astards who are getting on, get you're a*ss in the train cause we're going down the tracks." The Mother walked into the room where her son was playing and said "we don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room & stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language." Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom & resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped & the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for travelling with us today & hope your trip was a pleasant one." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to store all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today." As the mother began to smile, the child added, . . . . . . . . . . . . "For those of you who are p!ssed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please direct your complaints to the fat b!tch in the kitchen. the best yet?

Well let's see. How are we going to benefit from withdrawing from Europe? It would be a disaster. As for immigration, Shinton is a bit vague on what he means here in a Leazes-esque way, so I'll not comment. National service? I think the British army might put a dampener on that idea. Capital punishment? Would solve nothing. Abolish family benefit? What good would that do other than hit the poorest families most making society even more unequal, and perpetuate our social problems? Needless to say I'm glad Shinton is not PM, if this is what he believes in he should probably vote UKip, one of the most odious and brainless political parties going. Do you think you might be taking this a bit seriously? I don't think shinton has any plans to run against Gordon Brown. Is that who the Stranglers sang about?

I disagree with everything you have said, in fact I think you are talking out your arse. to be honest I disagree with some of them. I just wanted to start a thread going. As for talking through my arse, yes I agree to doing that a lot.

Paras?

My name's not shinton either by the way I pissed on your aussie joke with mine he he cheeky git.. I hate 2 admit, your joke was a lot better than mine don't hate yourself just let it out

I'll start the ball rolling 1 out of the EU. Lets rule our own country 2 Tougher sanctions on immigration. Stop the take over, we cannot take anymore. 3 National Service Get some respect / education you charver bastards 4 Death Penalty. Kill the murdering scum like Huntley, Bradey 5 Abolish family benefit. Don't have the kids if you can't afford them. Might stop 15year olds starting families come on then lets be having you

I have the start of don't want to miss a thing by aerosmith tattooed on the top of me arm with date i first met woor lass owt to say :D :stop: :stop: :gay: :gay: Nar. never saw that coming

My name's not shinton either by the way I pissed on your aussie joke with mine

I have the start of don't want to miss a thing by aerosmith tattooed on the top of me arm with date i first met woor lass owt to say

got this from another site ,worth a read It might seem odd to celebrate a 23rd anniversary but every year since I heard of this man I go out and raise a glass to his memory. In truth you can get most journalists to raise a glass to anything but in this case I’m thanking him for my life. On 26th September 1983 the hero of the day, Colonel Stanislav Yefgrafovich Petrov, clocked on for work as normal. Petrov was in charge of the Soviet Union’s satellite warning systems and this was the height of the cold war. Everyone was on edge because NATO was carrying out its annual tactical exercises and two weeks before the Soviets had shot down a Korean airliner that had wandered into the wrong airspace. Meanwhile in the wider picture Ronald Reagan was publicly calling the Soviet Union an ‘Evil Empire’, the warm up man at a UK Conservative party rally had opened with the call to “Bomb Russia” and we had Andropov, a former leader of the KGB, as the current ruler of the Kremlin. Things were, to put it mildly, on a hair trigger. All in all it was a scary time to be alive. If I hadn’t had the first Sláine series in the comic 2000AD and Duran Duran’s Rio to distract me I’d never have made it through the year without digging a fallout shelter – something plenty of people did. Anyway, at 40 minutes past midnight on the 26th Petrov looked up and saw a missile launch from a United States silo had been detected by one of his satellites. Now you might expect panic at this point but missile command tends to attract the serious, sober type, probably the type of people who smoke a pipe and sew leather patches on their jackets, and Petrov kept his head. He knew the satellite had been reported as suspect and decided to hold off on informing the high command. Then a second missile launch was picked up, and shortly after another, and another and another. Petrov knew that if he waited until he could confirm the launches with ground radar it would be too late for his country, he and his family would die and the Yankees would win the Cold War. Thankfully for us he thought before acting. He reasoned that it was illogical for a surprise attack to launch missiles one after the other – instead you’d launch everything you had and hope to wipe out the enemy before they reacted. He left the launch button alone and thankfully the missiles proved to be ghosts. Myself and millions other slept peacefully in our beds that night, blissfully unaware of how close we came to fiery death or a worse existence than we could imagine if we had lived. Had the missiles flown Britain would, according to government war plan projections, currently be at a medieval level of technology in most places, having lost 90 per cent of its population. Petrov was reprimanded and now lives in the scientific community of Fryazino in Russia. He was honoured this year in a ceremony at the United Nations and has been honoured with two World Citizen Awards. So take some time out today and say your private thanks to the man who saved the world.

I try to look on the bright side. At least I'm not fat

Sheila, the Aussie housewife got out of the shower and slipped over on the bathroom floor. Instead of slipping over forwards or backwards, she slipped, did the splits and suctioned herself to the floor. She yelled out for her husband Bruce. "Bruce, Bruce" she yelled. Bruce came running in. "Bruce, I've <OVF Censored> suctioned myself to the floor" she said. "Strewth" Bruce said and tried to pull her up. "You're stuck fast girl. I'll go across the road and get Cobba" (his mate). They came back and they both tried to pull her up. "No way. We can't do it, let's try Plan B." Cobba said "Plan B?" exclaimed Bruce. "What's that"? "I'll go home and get my hammer and chisel and we can break the tiles under her and release the vacuum." replied Cobba "Spot on" Bruce said. "While you're doing that, I'll stay here and play with her breasts" "Play with her breasts"? Cobba said, "Not exactly a good time for that mate?" "No" Bruce replied, "But I reckon if I can get her wet enough, we can Slide her into the kitchen where the tiles aren't so expensive

I could not have done it. Well done. Beneath you need to be in the clique to understand I see you did not object to brave aviator. I salute your bravery

A son can stand his fathers antics any longer so he puts him, temporarily, into an old folks home but the old boy is NOT happy. Upon arriving at the home a gorgeous nurse asks him if he's ok and he replies 'don't wanna be here' and she replies 'you'll like it here, what do you fancy for brekkie in the morning, full English?' he nods At seven the following morning she walks in and wakes the old boy up with the full monty and notices that he has a hard on 'l'll just help you with this' she says and progresses to suck, then ride his dick until he is satisfied and then walks out as he finishes his food! A little later he calls his son 'l LOVE it here and don't wanna leave as l had a big breakfast and a fuck!! he then hangs up! Later that day he's using his zimmer frame to get around and he falls over, a passing male nurse sees his arse up in the air and slips him a length. The old man gets on the phone to his son and says 'get me outta here!!' and the son wants to know why as earlier that morning he was saying that he wanted to stay because he'd had a fuck. The oldboy told him about the male nurse episode and the son said 'you gotta take the rough with the smooth dad, live with it!!' The old boy tutted down the phone and said 'you don't understand son......... ....l get a fuckin hard on once a year but l fall over four time a fucking day!!!' good one

Too much of a man to greet someone with a kiss? Closet hom tbh! Does that make YOU a fully paid-up pretentious ponce if you do do them? Keep your dinner money in your sock. You get called gimp,but you get to eat

The grandfather of a baby mauled to death by Rottweilers has been stabbed in an attack which left his partner dead, a family member has said. John Brightwell, 50, and Debra Larn, 47, were attacked at home in Beaumont Leys, Leicester, early on Sunday morning, his niece said. His five-month-old granddaughter was killed by dogs at The Rocket public house in Leicester on Saturday. The death of the baby - Caydee-Lee - is not being linked to the attack. Police are still investigating both incidents. The two Rottweilers, which lived at the pub, were put down after the attack on Saturday.