bobbyshinton

I disagree with everything you have said, in fact I think you are talking out your arse. to be honest I disagree with some of them. I just wanted to start a thread going. As for talking through my arse, yes I agree to doing that a lot.

Paras?

My name's not shinton either by the way I pissed on your aussie joke with mine he he cheeky git.. I hate 2 admit, your joke was a lot better than mine don't hate yourself just let it out

I'll start the ball rolling 1 out of the EU. Lets rule our own country 2 Tougher sanctions on immigration. Stop the take over, we cannot take anymore. 3 National Service Get some respect / education you charver bastards 4 Death Penalty. Kill the murdering scum like Huntley, Bradey 5 Abolish family benefit. Don't have the kids if you can't afford them. Might stop 15year olds starting families come on then lets be having you

I have the start of don't want to miss a thing by aerosmith tattooed on the top of me arm with date i first met woor lass owt to say :D :stop: :stop: :gay: :gay: Nar. never saw that coming

My name's not shinton either by the way I pissed on your aussie joke with mine

I have the start of don't want to miss a thing by aerosmith tattooed on the top of me arm with date i first met woor lass owt to say

got this from another site ,worth a read It might seem odd to celebrate a 23rd anniversary but every year since I heard of this man I go out and raise a glass to his memory. In truth you can get most journalists to raise a glass to anything but in this case I’m thanking him for my life. On 26th September 1983 the hero of the day, Colonel Stanislav Yefgrafovich Petrov, clocked on for work as normal. Petrov was in charge of the Soviet Union’s satellite warning systems and this was the height of the cold war. Everyone was on edge because NATO was carrying out its annual tactical exercises and two weeks before the Soviets had shot down a Korean airliner that had wandered into the wrong airspace. Meanwhile in the wider picture Ronald Reagan was publicly calling the Soviet Union an ‘Evil Empire’, the warm up man at a UK Conservative party rally had opened with the call to “Bomb Russia” and we had Andropov, a former leader of the KGB, as the current ruler of the Kremlin. Things were, to put it mildly, on a hair trigger. All in all it was a scary time to be alive. If I hadn’t had the first Sláine series in the comic 2000AD and Duran Duran’s Rio to distract me I’d never have made it through the year without digging a fallout shelter – something plenty of people did. Anyway, at 40 minutes past midnight on the 26th Petrov looked up and saw a missile launch from a United States silo had been detected by one of his satellites. Now you might expect panic at this point but missile command tends to attract the serious, sober type, probably the type of people who smoke a pipe and sew leather patches on their jackets, and Petrov kept his head. He knew the satellite had been reported as suspect and decided to hold off on informing the high command. Then a second missile launch was picked up, and shortly after another, and another and another. Petrov knew that if he waited until he could confirm the launches with ground radar it would be too late for his country, he and his family would die and the Yankees would win the Cold War. Thankfully for us he thought before acting. He reasoned that it was illogical for a surprise attack to launch missiles one after the other – instead you’d launch everything you had and hope to wipe out the enemy before they reacted. He left the launch button alone and thankfully the missiles proved to be ghosts. Myself and millions other slept peacefully in our beds that night, blissfully unaware of how close we came to fiery death or a worse existence than we could imagine if we had lived. Had the missiles flown Britain would, according to government war plan projections, currently be at a medieval level of technology in most places, having lost 90 per cent of its population. Petrov was reprimanded and now lives in the scientific community of Fryazino in Russia. He was honoured this year in a ceremony at the United Nations and has been honoured with two World Citizen Awards. So take some time out today and say your private thanks to the man who saved the world.

I try to look on the bright side. At least I'm not fat

Sheila, the Aussie housewife got out of the shower and slipped over on the bathroom floor. Instead of slipping over forwards or backwards, she slipped, did the splits and suctioned herself to the floor. She yelled out for her husband Bruce. "Bruce, Bruce" she yelled. Bruce came running in. "Bruce, I've <OVF Censored> suctioned myself to the floor" she said. "Strewth" Bruce said and tried to pull her up. "You're stuck fast girl. I'll go across the road and get Cobba" (his mate). They came back and they both tried to pull her up. "No way. We can't do it, let's try Plan B." Cobba said "Plan B?" exclaimed Bruce. "What's that"? "I'll go home and get my hammer and chisel and we can break the tiles under her and release the vacuum." replied Cobba "Spot on" Bruce said. "While you're doing that, I'll stay here and play with her breasts" "Play with her breasts"? Cobba said, "Not exactly a good time for that mate?" "No" Bruce replied, "But I reckon if I can get her wet enough, we can Slide her into the kitchen where the tiles aren't so expensive

Doesn't fit in with the fat fuckwit's Geordie nation "plan" tbh. Hitzzfeld for coach?

I could not have done it. Well done. Beneath you need to be in the clique to understand I see you did not object to brave aviator. I salute your bravery

A son can stand his fathers antics any longer so he puts him, temporarily, into an old folks home but the old boy is NOT happy. Upon arriving at the home a gorgeous nurse asks him if he's ok and he replies 'don't wanna be here' and she replies 'you'll like it here, what do you fancy for brekkie in the morning, full English?' he nods At seven the following morning she walks in and wakes the old boy up with the full monty and notices that he has a hard on 'l'll just help you with this' she says and progresses to suck, then ride his dick until he is satisfied and then walks out as he finishes his food! A little later he calls his son 'l LOVE it here and don't wanna leave as l had a big breakfast and a fuck!! he then hangs up! Later that day he's using his zimmer frame to get around and he falls over, a passing male nurse sees his arse up in the air and slips him a length. The old man gets on the phone to his son and says 'get me outta here!!' and the son wants to know why as earlier that morning he was saying that he wanted to stay because he'd had a fuck. The oldboy told him about the male nurse episode and the son said 'you gotta take the rough with the smooth dad, live with it!!' The old boy tutted down the phone and said 'you don't understand son......... ....l get a fuckin hard on once a year but l fall over four time a fucking day!!!' good one

Too much of a man to greet someone with a kiss? Closet hom tbh! Does that make YOU a fully paid-up pretentious ponce if you do do them? Keep your dinner money in your sock. You get called gimp,but you get to eat

The grandfather of a baby mauled to death by Rottweilers has been stabbed in an attack which left his partner dead, a family member has said. John Brightwell, 50, and Debra Larn, 47, were attacked at home in Beaumont Leys, Leicester, early on Sunday morning, his niece said. His five-month-old granddaughter was killed by dogs at The Rocket public house in Leicester on Saturday. The death of the baby - Caydee-Lee - is not being linked to the attack. Police are still investigating both incidents. The two Rottweilers, which lived at the pub, were put down after the attack on Saturday.

A man phones work and says "Sorry, I can't come in today I'm sick." The boss says "How sick are you?" . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . "Well", the man replies "you judge - I'm in bed with my sister." not bad like This I found and thought was funny Be very proud to be British Because: Only in Britain... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. Only in Britain... do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. Only in Britain... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a DIET coke. Only in Britain... do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters. Only in Britain... do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage. Only in Britain... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place. Only in Britain... are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink. NOT TO MENTION... 3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue. 142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts. 58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers. 31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in. 19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate. British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling accidents. 101 people since 1999 have had broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of the soles of their feet. 18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth. A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth. 8 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out of control Scalextric cars. And finally......... In 2000 eight Brits cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the toilet. RULE BRITANNIA!!

her name is stephen carr (justifying why I posted on the forum ) Please some mod move this to GC

I have a young lass works for me. It's her 21st on the 22nd of October. I asked what we could get her for a present, her reply "I would to play a real drum kit" If someone could help I would be very gratefull. She wants to bash away on the drums (she has never played before) for a 1/2 hour or so. Obviously I would pay.

Does anyone still do Littlewoods and does Vernons still exist? I remember keeping the same numbers, yoou could end up with Liverpool versus the mackems as a draw. Most I ever won was £54.00, spent a fortune

SORRY MR ACCOUNTANT! I could not get it to work as me avatar, ta.

http://www.grapheine.com/bombaytv/play_uk.php?id=1645278 I think I'm onto a winner

A 75 year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow." The next day the 75 year old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained: "Well, doc, it's like this - First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, with nothing. Then her left, but nothing. She even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth out, and still nothing. We even called up the lady next door and she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but nothing." The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" The old man replied, . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . "Yep, but no matter what we tried we couldn't get the stupid jar open!" daft twat

Hairs stand on back of neck = Blaydon Races at wembley or other big stadium match Rebellion = Pretty Vacant the pistols Hoy mesell about = rock n roll led zep. Religous = Jerusalem

Hoo I drive a Rover