Mac-Toon

Bowlam's a cunt by all accounts and has left Bews high and dry without 2 pennys to scratch his arse with. Great song.

I'm expecting another Guthrie, tbh. Hope I'm proven wrong.

1) Auf Wiedersehen, Pet 2) Still Game 3) Likely Lads

What's on the neet? Love a midweek game on tele.

'Still you keep a little here just to keep you in beer, that's living alright.

I agree. Although I felt more pity for the poor cow who had to cook him all that food. She was run ragged.

Maaaarssshy, it's Gazza.

One of them said, when they were about to get weighed, and I quote 'I've always hidden my weight from people' .... Eh, apart from the fact it's hanging out the bottom of your t-shirt.

He's never played in an attacking expressive team. Hopefully he'll progress playing alongside Barton, Tiote and Ben Arfa. I welcome him personally. Better than Smith and Guthrie.

Never seen it until now. It's an America thing. There's a couple from the North East on fighting for survival. They're all proving Stevies point by losing weight with a little exercise.

The human race has fallen to New depths with these beasts. Deplorable creatures, tbf.

Neebody's arsed flower.

I've seen the one that Richard Hammond presented a few years back, with the Birmingham fan who was the then britains fattest man. His 'bird' who was a fat shite aswell was piling full family sized shepherds pies into him and he supped about 25 pints and a pub sized box of crisps in one sitting. They should cull people like that once they hit 20stone and show no signs of recovering back to an acceptable weight. I sometimes get the bus into graft if the wife needs the car and there's a big kid gets on and he takes up the full two seats. He wasn;t owa impressed when loads of people had to stand up and I told him to get up so 2 could sit down and he could stand up. Bless him, I think I hit a nerve. (It was cushioned by fat though, tbf) Good for you. Agree re the cull too, unless it's a proven medical condition, and not fatcuntitis. How many bags in one of them 20? I feel guilty if I eat 2 packs of crisps in a day. Aye, about 24 bags to a box I think. They weren't nee plain walkers neither. Beef'uns mixed in with bags of Pork Scratching, Scampi Fries the lot. Where he gets the money from is what I want to kna. He went to the Birmingham match, went for 20 odd pints, box of crisps and then washed it doon with an Indian banquet and a half dozen tigers.

I've seen the one that Richard Hammond presented a few years back, with the Birmingham fan who was the then britains fattest man. His 'bird' who was a fat shite aswell was piling full family sized shepherds pies into him and he supped about 25 pints and a pub sized box of crisps in one sitting. They should cull people like that once they hit 20stone and show no signs of recovering back to an acceptable weight. I sometimes get the bus into graft if the wife needs the car and there's a big kid gets on and he takes up the full two seats. He wasn;t owa impressed when loads of people had to stand up and I told him to get up so 2 could sit down and he could stand up. Bless him, I think I hit a nerve. (It was cushioned by fat though, tbf) You utter cunt. I prefer to think of myself more as a bus seat vigilante, who'll stop at nothing to bring fairness and equality to all who travel. 2 old grannys could then take a seat whilst Buster Bloodvessel sweating and swayed with the movement of the bus. I'm going to have to design myself a costume for dealing with these things.

Shearer the guy who got Newcastle sent down. If Shearer comes no doubt fucking Gazza will be on his way with his KFC and tins of skol super. Fucking Ant and Dec will be in kop. This cant be true for fuck sake. Comedian, eh? Shame everyone's heard that same shite patter about a million times over. He'd be a fucking social outcast in Liverpool anyway, eating KFC and drinking Skol he'd be classed as a member of the aristocracy. You fucking wank sock.

I've seen the one that Richard Hammond presented a few years back, with the Birmingham fan who was the then britains fattest man. His 'bird' who was a fat shite aswell was piling full family sized shepherds pies into him and he supped about 25 pints and a pub sized box of crisps in one sitting. They should cull people like that once they hit 20stone and show no signs of recovering back to an acceptable weight. I sometimes get the bus into graft if the wife needs the car and there's a big kid gets on and he takes up the full two seats. He wasn;t owa impressed when loads of people had to stand up and I told him to get up so 2 could sit down and he could stand up. Bless him, I think I hit a nerve. (It was cushioned by fat though, tbf)

The NHS beg to differ. Well the NHS must hate half of Newcastle. Honestly mate, when my nana was dying in the QE 5 years ago there was someone on her ward who was about 50 clem. Used to get double dinners and kick off all the time about portion sizes. Then one day her husband arrived, all 55 stone of him. They then proceeded to kick off that he couldn't be given a free dinner. Nana, being a nana, sat up and said 'Yiz wanna geroot an dee some exercise or yiz'll gan the same way I have'. It's these fat cunts that get to 35 stone then say 'I think I should lose some weight', eh hellow mate, didn't ye think aboot that when ye were tippin 20.

The NHS beg to differ.

BMI Mass Index is a load of bollocks, tbh CT. It doesn't take into account the weight of muscle (I appreciate that may be low in your case) as fat is larger in size than muscle. Take Ricky Hatton at his peak for example. He was considered grossly obese according to the BMI Index as he's short yet weighed heavily due to muscle mass. The only true way you can find out how "fat" you are is with a body fat machine or calipers. The BMI gives an estimate without taking into account this muscle mass so basically, it's a load of fucking pony.

The male teachers liked me 'cos I'd talk about footy all the way through lessons to them. Our maths teacher, Dave Cross I remember, would always ask at the start of each lesson 'Any questions before we start?' and I'd always ask 'What d'you think was the reason for victory/defeat at the weekend' and he'd talk for ages about it. Used to take up a good 15/20 minutes of each lesson. The female teachers hated me. All I cared for at school was PE, Technology, maths and English. Everything else was pointless. Note year 11 school report 'Mac has failed to reach the level of maturity required to leave school' ;)

Have you driven down passed Central station towards where circus circus used to be on a friday or saturday night? Fuck it, any night? You've got to be well on your toes for people walking in the road and if people were firing 3 double whiskeys into themselves then driving round it'd be a recipe for disaster. I don't see much, actually any need for it in this area. Plenty taxis, plenty buses. One's my limit if I'm driving and 9/10 I'll not bother. Different in my old mans day, he used to pump doon 8+ lcl's and roll home steaming.

Never seen Starwars, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Scarface, Godfather.

Says it all to be honest.

What are you doing at the training ground? My mate's just had his bairn at the park opposite and rang me to say he's seen him.

Going out on a limb but Woy's at the training ground. New number 2 maybe?