Monster

One guy i worked with years ago. He never washed, beat up lasses, was a lazy thick useless bastard and when i got a warning because production was down i told them to get rid of him or i would go. They said nope, i went and the place was fucked for a month until they replaced me. He used to follow me around everywhere cos he thought we were mates. I knocked fuck out of him and he thought it was a matey joke. He was in the TA as well and he got lifted for prowling around the company secretarys back garden in full combat gear when she knocked him back for a date. Once you've come up against someone that scummy, everyone else is just window dressing.

Stayed in the Hilton in Gateshead with Mrs. Monster the last time we attended SJP. It was okay, and fairly central(just over the bridge), about £65 if i remember rightly.

Great to see Martins getting a goal! Amazed to read Bramble played well though An unexpected win surely?

That's a Portuguese goalie......

Unless the pub you were in sold Scampi Fries.......

For a score and a couple of pints i would have whipped them up a quick paragraph along the lines of: Vote for us, we're not Blair. Forty Grand?!?!?!?! Did their showroom have big windaes?

although referring to the lips and not the actual vagina as a whole, i've always hated 'beef curtains' The words, not the thing itself.

'you're a waste of a good wank' for people you dislike 'bawbag!' for people you don't dislike as such, but have said or done something stupid. 'ya trumpet!' for loud boring folk in pubs who like to explain bicycle repair and have no mates.

It was quite a depressing performance but a satisfactory result. How bad is Titus Bramble? That was a pub team and they were getting in behind him constantly. Then Joe Royle kept saying how amazing he was as yet another one legged muppet cruised past him into space This could be a long season indeed. West Ham and Liverpool away back to back? Could be bottom three soon.....

I must say it's nice of the former Hitler Youth member who is head of the church that aided top Nazi's to escape trial in 1945 in exchange for a huge pile of treasure pludered from across Europe and currently residing in Swiss banks to tell us all how evil Mohammed was eh? Every religion is just based on lies and half-truths and every one of them have gone to war to protect their slice of the pie, so Benny the Jew-gasser is half right. But it's not just Mohammed that's evil.......

You're my inspiration Y'know, deep down somewhere i knew that was the case. But thanks anyway.

Inappropriate tbh

She's steamin;, you have ducks in your avatar therefore i conclude (for some bizarre reason) that i will reign over Jewel Quest for all eternity. Logical eh?

Not a chance...i shall pump you royally! (in a manner of speaking) try it an see !!!! You're a right sort! Shame i'm just too talented to allow my crown to slip......

I like this woman. I like her a lot.

I'm a bit stubborn you see. It's what happens when the club you have loved all your life is being asset stripped by yanks. You get a bit mental. No harm meant, if anyone complains, let me know and i'll replace with fluffy language.

I happen to enjoy looking at lots of new topics. I open them all with a frisson of excitement as i think of which pearl of wisdom i will share with the world this time!

Aye, it's just them PC types have taken all the banter out of football. It's political correctness gone mad, you couldn't make it up, never done a days work in their lives, can't even speaky the bloody language. I'll change it if anyone's offended, mind.

Do any of you go away with the toon on a supporters bus or the train? If so, do any of your lot take their lasses with them or is that a bad idea and a total disaster in the making?

Look the way we handle our finances is this: We have to both agree that we're gonna buy something or it doesn't get bought. There are exceptions to this but are limited by price, hence I've lost out on my season ticket, a pc and haven't been on a sunshine holiday for 3 years. We do our fortnightly shop at Asda and come back with just a 4 pack of beans FFS! No offence mate, but i think i'd rather be single. There's a point gets reached where being a top bit of a trout doesn't quite compensate for all the other pish.

Yup. Thats why we used it. I have nothing against gay men at all. I happen not to be gay, although i've shagged a man that is.

Thank you. It's important to me and quite high in my life's goals and ambitions to be Jewel Quest Champ of Toontastic. I'll list it under:'Sporting Acievements' on my CV....

Up here we get stories quite often about some complete fuckwit that wanders up a mountain in winter wearing nothing but a pair of sandals, shorts and a t-shirt. It costs the mountain rescue £30,000 each time to rescue them and i would kick thirty grands worth of shite oot them for it.

Not a chance...i shall pump you royally! (in a manner of speaking)

"Ruud van Nistelrooi scores off the pitch as well as on it in Madrid" tbh