Dr Kenneth Noisewater

Come on dickheads, I'm going in a minute.

I'm going to York tomorrow. Any of you shit-hot tipsters got some stable whispers for me?

Can a photoshopperist change the badge on his had to say "I'm a massive cunt"

I'm with you on that one. That photo looks like a yummy mummy taking her little boy to a birthday party.

What a dickhead.

Was he the Canadian?

Can you get Sky Sports with that BT Homehub thing?

Another kick in the teeth today. Our page on analogue teletext has been given to Premier League big boys, Burnley.

Us going down must've cost them a canny few subscribers.

Go and do some fucking revision then.

Is it Singapore of Thailand where the prime minister was born in Waaallsend?

Murty is from the North-East as well, he might favour a move back home.

Their chocolates, biscuits, jams and cheeses are all excellent. Best of the bunch is the Romagna frozen pizza which won supermarket product of the year last year. Amazing value at less than two quid too.

Gentlemen.... place your bets! I'm going for Malcolm McDonald Keegan

I am, aye.

Not if your husband's a doctor Tom.

Got some right bargains on the old DVDs at Morries. I got Training Day for £1.99 and American Gangster for £2.99 Denzel-value-tastic.

It does

The tv equivalent of Ryanair.

Tyrrell did win the title in their debut season, using a Matra chassis and a Cosworth engine. I don't think they started building their own cars until 2 or 3 years later. In a way, Tyrrell, which became BAR, which became Honda is the great grandaddy of Brawn. Interesting that Jenson has already won the same number of races as Hamilton did on his way to the title last year.

Is anyone else baffled as to how Ashley became a multi-millionaire in the first place? Has he made one good business decision in the past two years?

They can definitely be more organised and conscientious, but they'll always be mental. I think blokes are more easily distracted by the drinking/societies/casual relationship opportunities a good uni offers.

Funny you should mention that... He has a history of letting his dick do the hiring though, took the blondie from Hull instead of The Badger a couple of years ago and got rid of Claire (the best candidate last year) because she was a chubster.

Ben is like a 15 year old who has been banned from wanking, he cannot get his mind off sex.