Dr Kenneth Noisewater

I've just bumped a thread in GC. Purely coincidental, of course.

Am I allowed to share my knowledge of Patrick Barkley's taste in prostitutes here?

My thoughts exactly. It's having the small time-ness rammed home isn't it?

Mmmm, bouncy young titflesh.

Me too. I certainly hope that's the case anyway. A split will result in both new series being devalued, like when CART split into Champ Cars and the Indy Racing League in America a few years back.

I would've really fancied that in years gone by, but I'm in full-on 'No More Geordie Cash For Ashley' mode now and will be until any prospective new owner proves their worth.

Can't go wrong with Carhartt gear tbh.

Absolutely nowt to be embarrassed about there pet. Sorry to hear about your loss as well. Likewise.

A tramp came up to me and a mate outside Eldon Square once and said "I'm not going to lie to you lads, its not for a cup of tea, its for Special Brew. Now, can I have some money?" Due to his refreshing honesty and raising a smile , we gave him a few quid.

A shirt and 'Payroll' on dvd. It's a pre-Get Carter crime movie shot in the toon in the early sixties. He'll get a nostalgia kick out of it hopefully.

Might have a flick through the Jeff Stelling book this afternoon when I'm out.

For Mrs N's birthday. She's become obsessed by The Apprentice this year.

It smelled of horse shit and was full of Glaswegian chavs the last time I was there.

Blackpool is such a fucking shithole. The quicker you can get in and out of that place the better as far as I'm concerned.

I'd ask them to clarify that. What they are doing is re-profiling the shape of your cornea to bring your vision to a sharp focus, which is fine. However, once you hit your mid-forties the lens inside your eye (the crystalline lens) starts to becomes too stiff and inflexible for your eye muscles to be able to bring your focus in close. The classic sign is middle aged people trying to hold a menu as far away as possible and squinting to read. This is just as much a certainty as going grey, getting more wrinkles or having loads of hair start spurting from your ears & nose. It will happen to us all. Now, you can get one eye corrected for distance and one for near if you can tolerate 'monovision' and if you're able to suppress one eye then the other. However, presbyopia is an on-going thing, ie you'll need more and more magnification in the reading eye the older you get, so I don't know how they get round that.

It seems fine for most people, but as has been previously mentioned there could be a long-term issue. Unlikely though I would have thought. It used to be true that no opticians or ophthalmologists had had it done on themselves in this country, but that's not the case these days. Just check if your surgeon is wearing glasses ;-) We used to recommend Ultralase because they were very good clinically and turned down two-thirds of applicants. Basically if they thought there was a chance the results wouldn't be satisfactory, they wouldn't treat you. Very sensible when you're talking about people's sight. Unfortunately they were taken over by venture-capitalists a couple of years ago so they maybe aren't as ethical now. Two or three other things to bear in mind: genetically we have thinner corneas in the North-East due to the Vikings getting into the gene pool when they came over raping and pillaging. Thin corneas are less suitable for some treatments. You might still need some glasses for night-driving. You'll still get presbyopic in your mid-forties and you'll definitely need reading glasses sooner or later. Pay as much as you can afford, rather than trying to get it done on the cheap. Like most things in life, you get what you pay for. You only get one shot at this so don't think about it like you would buying a tv. Wavefront seems to get very good results. All the best.

Quite a range.

Wish i'd known ealier about this or i'd have tried for tickets, though i read they are one of the fastest seelouts going, so you have to be quick! Be a shame there's no Humph though, won't be quite the same though the likes of Rob Brydon, Stephen Fry and i think Jeremy Hardy are good choices to fill in for him. New series just starting on R4.

You're forgetting that MA is an enormous cunt.

The one who wrote the stop smoking book is.

Milfy.

By the time the man on the street can notice the benefit the conservatives will be in and able to take the credit.

Had a decent day Stevie, picked up a placed horse in each of the first four races. The highlight was spotting one of the course bookies had Favourite Girl up at 80/1 when everyone else had it at 40s or 50s. I reckoned it was worth a fiver each-way and came away with £85

Getting in the way of doctors & nurses trying to save lives? Tie her up in a sack and let the family of the deceased and the ambulance crew go at her with pick-axe handles. Then deny her treatment.