Dr Kenneth Noisewater

You should have a part on 'Hustle', Pud

you gullible They're weak Now piss off back to N-O will you?

Like it!

I backed out at page 10 when there was concerns this was a police sting. Incidentally, at the time of writing you have 120 posts on this thread alone! 118033[/snapback] Almost as many as Pud and SMO combined

Indisputably tbh. Card-carrying pillow biter.

Oh yes, that one's a belter alright.

I've got a new job doing drug trials. Reckon I'll make a fortune, not going to get big headed though.

Read it all, you'll get a lot more out of it if you do.

Note to self: Never, ever cross Peasepud. Practical jokeer/hoaxer extraordinaire.

Haven't they sacked Alan Brazil again today, or has he just gone AWOL? May I suggest "19" - Paul Hardcastle?

I just don't agree with that; all men (bar Gemmill, of course) and plenty of women are not worth a shag, and they're all fair game for a platonic relationship. Some of you must have some very bizarre relationships with your mothers. 115430[/snapback] You might not be looking at them that way, but some of them will be wanting to get into the DotBum y-fronts, mark my words. Family members excepted, of course.

Might have to use the loo brush to break its back tbh.

I was scared by 'The Others' It's only a 12 ffs.

Tell her you went to the toilet after him and he'd pissed all over the seat and floor. She'll look at him like dog shit after that

Tell her you've been looking at her messages? Noooooo! Don't do that. She can play the victim then, and you're the nasty jealous man. And who's she going to go running to then, eh?

Jimbo speaks the truth. Purely platonic friendships between males & females are extremely rare. Either one side or the other has, at the back of their mind, bedroom action on the agenda. FACT-ALAMA-DING-DONG. Don't use physical violence, but let this guy know that you're onto him, watch him like a hawk.

Another story has just come to mind. Where I work we occasionally go out on home visits, doing eye tests for the house-bound. We turned up at one old fellas place in South Bank, Middlesbrough. He was clearly living in just the one room, slumped on his chair, blankets by the side of him, tv on full blast, pile of empty fag packets and rum bottles next to him. (You quickly learn to breath only through your mouth in these sort of places). So we start testing his vision, have a bit of banter about the football, then the guy I was with had to move in a bit closer for a check on his eyes. At this point we notice a large Lenor bottle by his feet. So the lad said "Do you mind if I just move this?" to which the old boy replies "Aye, don't mind that son, thats just me piss bottle" The look on his face as he picked it up was a picture

We had a fat bastard sharing our house in first year. He used to rub one of those Sure Stick deodorants up his sweaty arse-crack. Used to leave a white stripe up the back of the toilet seat when he'd had a sit down brown.

Dude, you sound in severe need of a circumcision ! have you got a foreskin like a shirtsleeve or something ? Personally, mine is a finely tuned instrument that has the aim of a Russian sniper. 114481[/snapback] Wizard's sleeve tbh.

Went to a concert a Sheffield City Hall years back. At the end the toilets were absolutely packed and I couldn't wait any longer so I had a piss in the sink. The bloke who was washing his hands was not pleased.

This thread is certainly developing a golden hue. Much like Matt's floorboards.

Friend of a friend was away on a stag weekend. There was a Hens weekend staying in the same hotel and this lad got lucky and ended up spending the night with some lass in her room. At some time during the night, in his plastered state, he pissed all over the floor. Worse, in the throes of passion she had discarded her clothes onto the same part of the floor. Result: one piss-soaked pile of clothes. When the lad woke up in the morning he realised what had gone on. The lass was still half asleep so quick-as-a-flash he offered to make her a cup of tea. Filled the kettle up from the sink and on his way to plug it in - whoops! - he's dropped it. "Oh no, its gone all over your clothes love!" Quickly into his own clothes, makes his excuses and away from the scene of the crime