Ayatollah Hermione

Where humour goes to die

If they have any decent young lads, Ashworth will know

God bless the poor women footballers. The watermark moment for the sport in England, big prime time opening to the Euros on BBC One, full media push, everyone excited and it’s going to be bumped for Johnson being shuggy boated out of No 10

He’s desperate to beat that Harrison drum, like Starting to think that he’s got more contacts at other teams than he does Newcastle

Gordon seems a classic case of going for a player because he played well against you. I’d hope we’re better than that

I have an early start tomorrow and by the time I wake up, I’m half expecting the Tories to be so depleted that Gary Barlow is in the cabinet

I love how they always mention the documentary as something that other people watched and thought “wow, what a passionate and lovable fan base” and not “hahaha, what a bunch of oddballs”

Maybe if they put their phones down for five minutes to stop being so terminally online, that wouldn’t happen

With the strong twang of autism.

He’s lower than a snakes belly. Should be made to pay it back with interest, I say

Only in Sunderland would having “BOT” in your name be considered a genuine bad thing. No puffs in that village, no sir

Wykiki just WANTS Haaland to fail, he doesn’t think that

Tielemans would be an unbelievable signing. Him and Bruno would run entire games by themselves. And Willock off the bench when one is tired and can be more direct is a quality option

Broja seems like he has everything you’d want out of a young striker, even if his goal record wasn’t great last year. Got all the physical side of the game. He’s definitely got massive potential IMO. He’ll love it if we’re going to be playing from the front.

The one I’ve got will be cheaper and better than Gemmill’s. There are years of evidence that show just how fiscally irresponsible he is

Wor lass was so generous enough to get me a membership for next season and I’m 40 quid out of pocket for the privilege. Despite the fact we’ll always be at work when tickets go on sale and will probably not get to a one if we play well again. 40 quid to get 15% off in a shit bar I never go to. Great

Sounds shite

Quite why we make these poor lads answer 10 minutes of mind-numbing questions in their second language is beyond me. I know the Dutch speak better English than we do but still. At least this new interviewer is a bit better spoken than Danny Drone who used to do them

Oh, this kid is going to have a wasted career with whatever helmet is giving him advice

Felt a bit short of breath the other day when I was walking home but it wasn’t covid. I’m just a drastically unfit cunt.

Jacob Murphy given a deal until 2027 good luck shifting him next season

You pay what the player is worth to their club. Not to yours. If Everton think they need £60 million to adequately replace what he brings, be it goals, assists, what have you, that’s what they’ll ask for.

The Mafia crack is absolutely a subconscious attempt to brag about how hard they are as a fan base too

Arteta is just a Netto Pep so this is just another step in him attempting to play like Man City with half the ability. From the players and the manager