Ayatollah Hermione

Apparently, the journos covering Newcastle have a WhatsApp group that everyone but Lee Ryder is in. I wonder if that’s stretched to Edwards yet

Newcastle being Newcastle means that Wilson will probably do his ligaments in the first match and Ekitike will be thrown in well before he’s ready and everyone will think he’s shite.

I might be drunk on general giddiness at the state of the club atm but I think Wood might score a few more next season. Good penalty taker as well which will help for the FA Cup Semi Final

Wor lass said that he was there with Jeff Buckley. That would have been something considering he’s been dead about 25 year

The telltale sign of your bollocks ITK account: constant posting and reposting in order to get what they really want I.e. attention

Call me cynical but that seems an easy way to leave a job where you had a 14% win record tbh

Just get to Spain, mate. At least then you’re dealing with the arsehole English in better weather

If he’s not as good as Henry in 12 months, Ashworth out

Imagine having to explain what crypto is to mackem season ticket holders. You’d have to get them acquainted with the concept of things like gravity first

That Burnsie bellend has been going on like this for over a decade at this point. It’s went beyond sad to being utterly tragic

Please be Billy, please be Billy, please be Billy

On the other hand, Zinchenko would be a good signing, I reckon. Good bit of versatility and he’s used to playing in possession heavy teams which is what Howe wants. I’ll scout him tonight against Scotland and give the verdict

I’ve never got the hype over Ake tbh. Every time we played Bournemouth when he was there, we absolutely rinsed him and he always looks ready to drop a bollock.

Yes, you should have. Now, can you please TRY and Google things?

I will bet good, good money that plenty of bad words were said about Henderson when he left

This will be the appointment that sets it all off, I’d say. Ashworth with a blank cheque and reign to pick out the best of the best to work under him is genuinely stiffy-causing

I genuinely remembered Forest as going down the season we beat them 5-0 on the last day and that being that. Have no memory of them bouncing back

There’s a party in our lasses parents street on Friday so my plan is to go at about 12, round up a load of sandwiches and fuck off by 1

Mind, if Brentford sell curry in the stadium, might be tempted by that away day next season

Huddersfield’s manager looked like a man unravelling before our eyes in that game. Looks a bit like me, actually come to think of it

. What an outrageously bizarre paragraph of words

That’s one of the most beta male moves I can recall seeing in a long time. Congratulations.

I notice you have not disclosed the outcome of your free bet.

Put my free fiver on Madrid to win in 90 minutes for a cooooool £12.50. I know Gemmill would find betting at those odds risky enough to have him shitting it but it was never in doubt. Liverpool have crawled over the line and their manager has crossed over into the realm of demanding that other teams simply roll over for them rather than actually trying to win. Lovely

How little do you need to know about football to claim he’s, not only on Zidane’s level, but somehow better than the likes of Mbappe and co who won a World Cup without Payet’s help?