Ayatollah Hermione

Hope they bring John Anderson out to referee it. “Botswana! You will go on my second whistle”

Life begins at 40 (clem)

Can do a yard of ale in 4.6 seconds.

They spent 30 mill a piece on Godfrey and Kean, they’ll have the money to spill on Saint-Maximin. Plus, if I was Rafa and felt vindictive, I’d sign our best player away from us as well.

Kalashnikov Vodka and Barr Cola, now that’s the ticket

Getting a new contract apparently on the basis that he’s kept us in the Premier League, a whole 38 games before he’s actually managed it this season. Would be peak Ashley to give him a new deal and then for him to take us down anyway

It’s a stag do so I’m probably going to end up with what Gemmill has just mentioned but I’ll keep those in mind for some afternoon jars. Might do those instead of being forced into whatever shite they have planned. Fucking load of shite done at the last minute because god forbid they delay it a bit longer

Seems that Gallagher from Chelsea has chose to join Palace on loan. It’s amazing how having an active window and making some canny signings can help other players sign for you. Another thing we haven’t picked up on in 15 years

Anyone got any good recommendations where to drink in Leeds? They’ll be wasted by my fucking backward mates but it’ll be nice to have places that I can walk past and go “aye, that looks canny in there”

Once you have to be vaccinated, it’ll be even less since all the kids that think they’re invincible won’t be able to go

The more mad shit the better, I say. Breakdancing is taking place in Paris 2024. Chess was under consideration at one point, imagine that in the ending montage. People showing off fantastic feats of athleticism and then some specky nerd moving a queen over the bards head or whatever it is they do.

Axel Foley or something. I wasn’t far off

Still on about Rafa, fucking hell Either Rafa properly fucked him off when he was here or he’s getting paid per interaction on Twitter. Genuinely hope Everton beat us just to see his meltdown

Really is starting to look like we’re just waiting to find out who the “big, big clubs” don’t want so we can hoover up their shite. Eddie Nketiah, come on down

Speaking of which, I see Horse Dancing was on today

I know he loves The Smiths but he didn’t have to take “Girlfriend in a Coma” so seriously

Can’t get away with that at all. Like watching two flids play Tekken

Judo is a bit spicy, like. The lasses anyway. The British lass was trying to choke somebody out with their own dressing gown yesterday

Just ordered a pint at the bar and I’m feeling great about it. This is truly what John Braveheart was talking about when he shouted on about freedom

Get on Discovery Plus, lads. I’ve been watching the men’s shooting this morning and it’s a load of tubby future school shooters casually firing pistols in a leisure centre. That kid basically pissing the bikes was mad

The BBC having such a reduced amount of coverage isn’t great, mind. I’ve had to sign up for Discovery Plus for a month to watch the handball again

Honestly never known anyone lessen their reputation more every time they open their mouth. At least Pardew said mad shit like blaming the Olympics for us not making signings

Lemina is better than James McCarthy, who we'll almost certainly end up with.

6 hours ago, we were close to signing him if we would just up the offer and now he's in France. Another success story.