Smooth Operator

Can 1 of you card-sharps help me out here. Was playing snap the other day with my nearly 2 year old, and we were arguing who won if, I shout snap but don't put my hand on the pile of cards or she shouts snap (after me) and then puts her hand on the pile of cards first. I told her I won cos I said snap first and this hand thing wasn't regulation snap playing! So 1-0 to dad right?

Are u not going to G.A.Y to see Girls Alound or something else stereotypical?!?

Make your e-recovery discs and don't do shit with the hidden partition. Mine's getting picked up today to be returned to acer (I took out the extended warranty - covers 'accidental' damage). I reckon if I dont get it sorted this time it's getting 'accidentally' dropped down the stairs or something. If you make your e-recovery discs could you do me a copy. I might be able to restore mine back to it's original state. I'll send some discs etc. It's a canny laptop when it's not causing problems. You say that as if I know what the fuck you are on about!!! At least I know now I got a good deal on mine if you paid 700 anyway!!

Mr and Mrs Smith and if it wasn't for Jolie giving me the horn everytime she was on screen then it wouldn't have lasted 5 minutes in my dvd player.

Just heard he's in the squad!! They reluctantly picked him!! The Dame Kelly Smith has come out and said he shouldn't be in it!! Fucking bitch, should have her damehood recinded imo!

Thats poor even for you mate Yeah you're right. Cock-knocker.

I've got the exact same laptop - I shit you not, got it from Tesco's for 499 last month. Had nee bother with it whatsoever but I ain't done owt like what you are on about!! You lost me in the first few sentences tbh!! Anyway, is yours not under guarantee still? Don't know if or how I can help u by having the same laptop like but will if I can.

You's need shot with shit!! Maria is the itty bitty titty, Carla is the real deal!! Bet she's a reet dorty fucka!!

Choosing to marry Maria after Carla made it plain as day that she wanted a portion!! Now I like Maria, I'd cum on her face without a second thought but Carla is a whole new ball game!! She's the best-looking lass in soapland for me by a long shot.

You've got mixed up again man J69, it's your lass who is fatter. Loser. I'm surprised a grade a faggot like yourself survived a road trip through the states tbh. Thought you would hav grassed a negro with a gun to the nearest highway partolman and got a cap in yo ass for your trouble!! If only!!

Anything/one that stops Darren Campbell getting anywhere near a podium is more than welcome in my book.

I know it was if he was meant to be a drug taker!! The self righteous athletic arseholes like Cram need to get a fucking grip imo. He's no Marion Jones ffs!!

So he uses banned drugs to improve his performance, gets caught and serves the ban imposed on him by the poweres that govern the sport and he's still getting all this shite after coming back and proving he's still one of the best UK sprinters around!! Steve Cram is on the BBC website saying he wouldn't pick him, well as far as I can see they are gonna have to cos he won the event at the weekend. And too right IMO. He brought shame on himself and UK Athletics with what he did and was punished, that punishment has passed now so let him get on with his fucking career ffs.

How man EP it's been a while since you posted some shots of some stunning bints! Sort us out man.

As bad as we were collectively today I'd single out Duff today as being pure shite. Duff can fuck off now for me, there was a moment in the first half when Reo-Coker over ran the ball and Duff could have had it away from him but he jogged towards the ball with no intent or interest in getting it, and then at the last moment put in a little burst but it was too little too late. He can't get past a man anymore and more often than not his crosses are woeful. And he always looks fucking knackered, even in the 1st minute of a game after a bit of a run he seems to be blowing out of his arse. Keegans got his work cut out making a respectable finish with this sack of shite he's got to work with. I've just about had it with Cacapa as well, Faye should be well ahead of him in the pecking order for centre half.

Well every fucka else is doing it therefore pushing everyone's premiums up and up so I'm not gonna sit on my high-moral horse and say "no actually I am not injured please don't hand me thousands of pounds" anymore. If that's wrong then fair enough - I may well be a grade A cunt. But this bump I had and the ensuing claims made by the bint involved has finally pushed me over the moral edge and woe fucking betide the next bastard who hits my rear-end (not u Meenzer ) cos they is gonna pay!

My mrs has been hit twice from behind (oo-er missus!) at that big roundabout near W.Allotment. Despite getting a bad neck on the first occasion and a bad wrist on the second, the thought of claiming for these 'injuries' just seemed wrong to us. Maybe we are wrong. Maybe we should have joined in with today's culture. I would claim now a- cos I could do with the cash money and b- cos every other fucka is doing it and getting away with it with bullshit injuries. If I could feasibly stop driving all together I would I reckon given all the spirallig costs I've encountered, insurance, engine problems, speeding points, etc. Although going dogging every Sunday night would be a huge miss!

I passed Oba today in the car, he was driving towards the training ground in a grey Ferrari with all the windows down, top down and this tune blasting!! He was being tailed by the filth as well!

Even genuine claims are ridiculous, my cousin got 12k when a car hit him from behind and he had nowt but a few aches and pains for a couple of weeks - 12k!!! The claim with this wife is still open cos I contested liability, if she's gonna lie then I am to, not gonna let my premium rocket without a fight.

I bumped into a wife's car a couple of months ago at no more than 5 mph and she's claiming whiplash and personal/feelings injuries ffs!!

Mackems v Boro live from Bangkok. If the busies are on the ball here they could nick 50% of the UK peado population at this 1 fixture! Smart thinking if u ask me!

What a belter, I'm going up there tonight!

Be sure to grass the nasty brutes to the nearest officers of the law wont you!

Standards have slipped in my absence, I see... Comma's r 4 arseholes! FACT!!

Leaving Micah Richards out in favour of the ginger Brown is Capello's first error.