David Kelly

He's barely playing into his early 30's man. On the rare occasions that he does play these days he looks a shadow of what he was. If he wasn't here he'd have retired now I reckon.

Another shite signing for a shite club. As inspiring as our manager. Only positive I can take from it is that it should allay any fears of us signing Bentaleb.

I remember my mam tutting all the way through Robocop when I watched that as a bairn. Strangely though all that bothered her was the swearing, Murphy getting shot to fuck, ED209 on the rampage or Emil getting covered in acid and then driven through didn't seem to concern her. Actually neither Bob Morton sniffing coke off a hookers tits but I assume that was because she didn't have a clue what was happening.

The stats at test level don't really back up Rashid or Moeen as a bowler over the other two. Leach has comfortably the best bowling average of the four spinners although that's obviously at a much smaller sample size than Ali. Unsurprisingly Ali has the best batting average but it's not actually that much better than Bess. I think the way he's been moved up and down the order probably hasn't helped him but it shows how much they rate his ability.

When Woakes came in it also seemed (judging from TMS as I'd went out and missed from Root getting out to well into Buttler and Woakes partership) that there was no way they were going to be able to sit on their bowlers and just try to pick off the really bad balls and slowly get the runs. At that time it certainly appeared that if they did that there would be a ball with their name on it just around the corner. So they really had no option but to go into one day mode. I think this helped them both and it was what lead to that pressure on their attack. It will be interesting to see if that changes how we play them in the next two games. I mean I don't doubt that Burns and Sibbley (and presumably Crawley with Stokes missing) will continue to play their own games slowly trying to wear down their bowlers. But will Root, Buttler & possibly one of Bracey or Lawrence (Pope seems to play this way anyway so not much is likely to change from him) play in a way to put more pressure on their young/inexperienced attack?

This all aged well . Great performance from him and Butler on Saturday. It showed the weakness in Pakistan's attack when you go at them and things start going wrong for them they don't react well for all the talent they have. Makes the rest of the series very interesting.

I'm not at all convinced by the balance of this side with Woakes batting so high. It's even more of a worry when you look at Woakes batting over the last year or so. Not to mention the batting of the captain recently. These look like they have a really good attack but we seem to be having to work really hard against whoever we come up against at the moment even when we are putting a decent score together.

Unhinged. A proper throwback to the 90's. 90 minutes long and cross between Falling Down and The Hitcher. Full of holes but I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Don't think I've got the energy to get remotely interested in any other bidders now.

There's no one who is high level at NUFC.

It's becoming more and more of a chore to support Newcastle United. This deal gave hope of something special that could have happened to the club and the city. Even a credible new owner (which Mauriss doesn't seem to be even if he is really interested) is unlikely to have the resources to give us a chance of competing.

I think we put ourselves under too much pressure batting first in those conditions and given the small amount of practice the batsmen had. I can understand why they did it but I think it was inevitable that we'd struggle to get a score. I wouldn't expect the same type of struggles in the next series with the practice we've had with this. Could be the same for Pakistan though as they don't seem to be getting much time out in the middle.

Isn't he a mackem?

The Windies batting line up isn't great tbf. We should have been beating them 3-0 really. Mistake by Stokes to bat first in the first test and the lack of time in the middle before hand for our batters cost us there. You'd expect our batsmen to be better set for the Pakistan series. Superb from Broad though.

Looking at the forecast for Manchester over the next few days, I'm not massively confident of getting to see much of Stokes or anyone else batting in the third test.

If the Saudi's were that firm on wanting us, you would have thought they would have at least held off on banning Bein until after everything was completed. It certainly must have caused more issues. I do agree with Fish that it seems they should have foreseen this all before agreeing the deal with Ashley and probably went at it with just Staveley and the Reubins to begin with with. The Reubens would surely have no problems convincing the premier league that they have the finances to fund us and then the Saudi's could come in (bit by bit if necessary) when they have tidied up the piracy issue and are in a position for Arabsat to bid for the rights.

Aye I have no doubt about that.

The premier league are shafting us completely now and it shows exactly what they think of the fans. They should have a duty to look after their members and they are clearly not doing that with us. It's impossible for us to plan for next season. We keep being told that Bruce has done a fantastic job securing our premier league position for next season with so many games to go, but it's impossible to take the advantage that other teams in the same position are taking while we have an owner who has absolutely no interest in us. I'm now certain that they're just hoping the Saudi's will go away so I can't see this being resolved before next season starts.

Smith is still the best batsman around but when you factor in the bowling and fielding (both area's in which Smith is no mug), you'd have Stokes picked ahead of anyone at the moment.

Our expectations were so high after him we welcomed Roeder as his replacement with open arms.

It's noticeable that's it's all players who's career he ended somewhat badly that spout shit. You never hear Ferdinand, Lee or Given say anything other than positive things about us. That's because they got on with their football as oppose to acting like fucking children down the quayside and getting up to unsavoury things in hotel rooms like these twats.

I think the sheer boredom of the game made everyone forget that Carroll had actually had that chance. It's hard to pay any attention to the matches now. Absolute dross football being played by a club that has no interest in doing anything in a sporting sense playing in front of no fans. I went to the pub to watch it with my mates and ended up discussing strikers from 90's Italian football for about half of the match. It was difficult to even turn my head to watch the match.

Stokes up to number one in the all rounder rankings and three in the batting. Admittedly there's no one else playing at the moment but it shows just how good he's been since his trial has been over.

Edwards being the chief example of one of those who can't admit they are wrong.

And they call us deluded.