Monkeys Fist

New kink unlocked ✅

I was sacked from the same job three times. 17-18 yrs old , Kielder Calvert Trust working as instructor. 1st time was for being late- I even lived on site, but slept in When the gaffer told me I was sacked I replied “ But I’m a volunteer- you can’t sack me” Which, whilst cheeky was technically correct, so he told me to “fuck off home for a week and then we’ll see” They rang me three days later asking if I could come back. 2nd time was for chinning this lad who was there building an extension, when I heard him saying some pretty unpleasant things about one of the lasses that worked there. I was full time employed by this point, and the lad was a proper little fucking rat that even his workmates hated- so, the sacking was pretty half-hearted. They rang me week later and offered me my job back, again. 3rd time was for banging the shit out of a visiting carer- Pixie cut hair, ballet dancer, flexible as fuck and filthy with it. 100% worth it. Again, they rang me a week later but I fucked them off this time as I’d got a job as a climbing instructor near Keswick.

Got a link?

Toried YP.

Looks like she’s buttering the cheeks as she waddles out, mind.

I’d actually be tempted to watch for a minute or two if it was Angela Rayner tearing a strip off Farage.

Personally, I’d be quite happy with a bland and boring PM- we’ve had the parade of clowns and seen were it’s got us.

MLF behaviour

Honestly man, when I read through the text stream I felt sick, then furious. She was in a right state when I got round there, but all sorted, we brought her back to ours for tea and she’s back to her usual self…

In slightly related news, I’ve just spent 5hrs on the phone with Lloyds recovering £4,500 from my Mam’s current account, fucking scumbag scammers got her with a “family member in trouble” text scam. Utter fucking cunts. I have to say that the lass from the bank was absolutely fantastic- once she realised that my Mam had been completely duped, she very subtly steered the conversation towards my Mam’s health, and got responses from her that enabled her to tick whatever boxes were necessary for a full, instant refund on the grounds of temporary bewilderment. Keep an eye on your older relatives chaps, even when they’re compos mentis it can still happen to them.

Was it the Scotch version?

The MLF on the right was on pocket cheese duties for this infiltration, but let down the side by bringing tubes of Primula. Bald MLF is merely putting him right.

Pushing up Pineapples

I just assumed the “ UNSAFE SITE- ATTACKERS ARE TARGETING YOUR DEVICE” message was from the same lads who tell me about local milfs gagging for it in my area.

There’s time-travelling Josh Brolin and Tommy Lee Jones under Pete’s left hand too. ( The look of concern on Sheepskin Steve’s face is the moment he’s realised he’s in the Gallowgate, and not with his fellow Manure fans in the away section.)

Fyp.

They’re asking 30p for some recipes.

The old lad sitting there thinking “ I only came out for a quiet pint and bag of scampi fries…ffs”

My favourite Viz character.

I’m just stunned that amongst their millions of STID worldwide fans there isn’t some bored billionaire ready to spunk his money away on them.… … that is, one who doesn’t need to ask his mam first.

‘Appen

I was coming through North Yorkshire around 4ish, as dawn was breaking, and there were temperature inversions aal ower the shop. Looked mint as you crested the hills and saw them covering the road ahead.

Reminds of this gem of a shop name pun. Most excellent.

9 years closer to disaster! ( I’m assuming in the intervening years they’ve got their shit together and made everything rickety-boo? … … no? Ah well, at least they won’t have any hospital bills when there’s no hospitals )