Monkeys Fist

Bish, pleez.

When you won't be able to go to the pub to watch the game because your wife is takjng your daughter to a birthday party… … at 2.00pm… … in fucking sunderland.

I only go in The Bot when they've filled McCrackens.

Really hope your kid takes after her mother.

People who assume I watch shit on TV

People from the Manchester area who pronounce little as " Lickle". Fuck off you infantile imbeciles.

No, they used their brains.

Aye, this.

I'll hear nothing against the lovely Ms. Wilson. Pistols at dawn, you cad.

All well tbh, just been for an echocardiogram ( ultrasound scan on my heart).I'm not pregnant. I asked if I'd be able to play piano when recovered Congrats J69- easiest job in the world tbh, "Mackem? Aye, get them committed"

He might spill his soup

Did it taste like chicken?

Happier Birthday

Too late.

What's in it? I have a bag of red lentils calling " Come and do what you will to me" from the cupboard.

Lumpy piss?

Wtf?

At least he doesn't have dandruff though, eh?

Ditch the cats, then you won't need to Hoover as much.

Also, I'm now suspicious of the failed Artificial Lawn/Dog Turd Patch.