Monkeys Fist

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Community_Charge I was a non-payer, and proud of it.

...older brother Damon is a Twat... FYP

If Tony Montana shagged Earl Hickey.... ( and I would rather watch that than look at that shirt again!)

His sister Jessica is a babe.

How many Skunks does it take to change a lightbulb? A phew.

I'd have given a pen like. I suspect I might be a teeny bit biased

Penalty to Arse. Feckin hell! Bit harsh on Puyol. 2-2

Walcott. 1-2 Arse have their tails up. Henry about to come on.

2-0 Ibrahimovic. Easy

Got 2 canaries for the price of one today they were going cheap.

They look like they've just been caught wanking by their Dad's. All three? By all three dads? At the same time? Not a situation I'm overly familiar with so I'll have to take your word for it! Sticky Biscuit.

I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic warden shouted to me... 'Oi, what's your disability?' I said 'Tourettes! Now fuck off you cunt!'

A lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins in Newcastle today. It was a turtle disaster.

I winnit bother meself I might give it a go......Not going to be deturd Top punnery there CT This thread has just hit the skids. Best nip it now.

They look like they've just been caught wanking by their Dad's.

How do you get a nun pregnant? You fuck her

I winnit bother meself

Might give him a ring

Art lover walks into a bar and sees Van Gogh having a pint. He asks Vincent if he would like a drink Van Gogh says " No ,thanks, I've got one 'ere."

We will though. And thats why he'll probably be getting booed by Christmas. I dont think we will. Surely relegation has to have tempered expectations. I'll be happy with some clever signings from Mr Carr and Hughton, some battling performances and Europe. :angry:

Who are the most decent workers in a hospital? The ultrasound people. A dog goes into a Screwfix store and says: "I'd like a job please". The store manager says: "We don't hire dogs, why don't you go join the circus?" The dog replies: "Well, what would the circus want with a plumber" A Yorkshire/American walks into a German car dealership and says: 'owdy Shakespeare walks into a bar and the barman goes "Get out you're bard! What do you call a man wearing a long coat, who walks though a graveyard at night? Max Bygraves Went to a seafood disco the other night, ...... Pulled a muscle What did the slug say to the snail? Big Issue? David Hasselhoff calls his agent and demands, "I want everyone to call me The Hoff from now one." His agent replies "Sure! No hassle."

What do you call a Chinese woman with a Kenwood chef on her head? Blenda..

I can't think of any actor better at portraying cold, calculated menace as De Niro. His German accent must be shit, as otherwise he couldve cleaned up all the meatiest Nazi roles in the last 30 odd years. Camper than Gay Weekend at Butlins.