Monkeys Fist

Aye, they usually start surfacing around 2pm , the first gentle rattle of those fucking Orange scooters going by with two Henriettas on. I wouldn’t live there for love nor money now, whereas Heaton…

It’s noticeably worse. My first flat was on Lonsdale Terrace, there was the usual student types knocking about with a smattering of Hooray’s. It’s feral now, and it’s all the Hoorays/Rugger Buggers - the area between Osbourne Road, Osbourne Avenue and Jesmond Dene Rd sounds like the University Challenge episode of the Young Ones, full of braying cunts.

So, other than Lynda Baron, seen any dead birds yet?

A friend posted an amazing video on FB of a murmuration of starlings this evening. Naturally I had to point this out. ( genuine screenshot btw, I was howling).

And that she’s the personification of a tatty minge.

Got a letter from DEFRA today telling me there’s an outbreak of bird flu in Forest Hall, and I’m to look out for dead swans and geese.

I’m sure their kids and grandkids (for the over 18s) asking for Toon tops next Christmas will help.

At least Mohammed would actually get the lass a Chinese before dipping the digits*, unlike the CONVICTED PAEDOPHILE, Adam Johnson, Sunderland captain at the time I believe, who just parked round the back of one. *Probably.

Lovely chaps.

What was great was that he spent a good 5 minutes banging on about it not being a goal, then when they eventually showed the replay and it was clearly miles over, he came out with the “oh dear!” I was watching it in a packed pub and it got a cheer as big as the goal But, aye, fuck him and the hairy handed toucher.

I hope Simon Jordan ( not an ex-player, but…meh), gets stang by a wasp on his tongue every day from now until death. Just to shut the fucking whopper up.

Wouldn’t it be easier to list who we like? Owen can fuck off to his stables and die like Mr. Hands ( google it). Sourness, can choke on his hypocrisy. Jenas can get back in his goldfish bowl, the thick, square-headed non-entity. Bellamy can just fuck off, radge little midget.

You rang? Can’t help with local engineers, but I’d move the family in to a tent, just in case

Team Piss-the-bed-whilst-eating-sausage.

The front garden sofa, obvs

Aye.

Got some pizzas from Pizzeria Italia at Four Lane Ends, and had to get a couple of these to have with… its a very nice, hoppy Sardinian lager. And, now that I’ve got the thirst, I’m cracking one of these…

Are you taking requests? * not that I’ve got one, just wondering?

If we lose, you know who’s getting the Jonah award.

Derek Wright looking like a shaved Gimli.

Oooh! What a chance!

Wouldn’t take much nursing tbf- like a pink button on a fur coat.