ewerk 26413 Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 Aye, I saw that. He then spent his morning off work telling HF why he was wrong, looks like it worked. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 8998 Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 Didn't notice that at all. poor HF Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ewerk 26413 Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 A more interesting analysis may have been how the paper reported NUFC stories in the month following their ban and the month following their reinstatement. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Face 29 Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 A more interesting analysis may have been how the paper reported NUFC stories in the month following their ban and the month following their reinstatement. Also more of a pain to look at than just going to each writers page and getting their last 10 stories unfortunately. Had a laugh with Douglas getting defensive about his last 10 and searching through his archive for negative stuff. I only did it after looking at Ryders page though and every story is about a kid coming through, how well Carver is doing or an old player. For his thread I thought it would suffice to compare him to cameron Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
McFaul 35 Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 The secret diary of Lee Ryder aged 44 and a half. 12/02/2015 Dearest Brenda, as I sit here in this Dusseldorf hut I wonder how you are doing back home which I miss very much......Lol, just joking diary, it isn't Neville Hope, it's just your friendly neighbourhood Trinity Mirror group regional sports journalist of year reporter, Lee Ryder checking in forra catch up. Had a bit of a weird couple of days lately with people not paying the respect they should, namely a two bob cook and a Palace dogsbody who tried to shield the abdicated King, one Alan Pardew once of the throne of Barrack Road, from the Knight Ryder. Firsts off, ah got access in the tunnel at Selhurst Park after Carvs lads had fought for a valiantly hard won point at a tough place to go where we won 3-2 and 3-0 in the last two meetings. Ah was waiting for Carvs when ah spotted Pards walking past, being a journalist you learn not to let opportunities like this pass up, the ordinary punter in the street might get starstruck in these situations and stammer or ask for an autograph but Ryder spots the chance to get an exclusive Pards interview for the first time since the King had left the building. Ah was nee messing about with the silver Fox, ah said, "Alan! Alan! Hi mate! Great to see you again! great game tonight, it's me! Lee Ryder! Can ah have a couple of words if you're not too busy, like? The Chronicle's readers would love to hear from you, mate." Pards took one look and said, "Sure, Lee, would Lahve to have a natter, my old san. I tell you what, see that Palace PR geezer over there, tell 'im the King sent you and tell 'im to take you to the Longstand conference room. I'll see you in there in abaht ten minutes." Fucking champion! Pardew not forgetting our special relationship and a fantastic example of keeping good contacts in this crazy business of ours. Anyways, ah'm in this pokey Longstand conference room forra about an hour and a half, fuck me ah thought, is Pards tekking the piss here, like? how long is his fucking post match team talk going to go on for? Here was me waiting on him in this Longstand conference room which was just a glorified boot room where the lazy Palace players had just dumped their boots, bibs and cones, when finally a Palace employee opens the door and is about to turn the light off when ah dives in, "How! What ya deeing, man?! Ah'm waiting for Pards! " The Palace kid said, "I dahn't know who you are, fella, but Mr Pardew left for home 45 minutes ago and you shouldn't really be in here, Geordie." So that was the score, eh? The PR guy was trying to save Pards a Ryder grilling and ushered the ex-King out of the way, very cute ah suppose, credit to the PR kid, protecting his boss. Some you win, some you lose. The next day as ah finished up me match report ah decided to head down to the Thomson house canteen for some scran. Ah notice a new cook in there so ah says to him, "Alreet mate? Ah'll have three sausage, one black pudding, some bacon, give iz the crispy looking ones, some fried bread and beans. Cheers, mate." The cook said back, "Jamie Oliver doesn't get called 'mate' so divvent call me 'mate' ok?" Fuck me! the cheeky bastard! Ah says back, "Ah call Jamie Oliver a soft cockney wanker, do ya want me to call you a 'wanker' instead?" We stare each other out a bit before the Ryder glare gets too much for the kid and he serves up me bait. Fucking hell man, the company have to stop taking on these YTS catering kids, it's not doing the kids any favours thinking they can be lippy to old sweat, ex-terrace, away day Toon Army foot soldiers like yours truly. Anyways, respect, diary. Ryder and out. Wonderful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 26898 Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 The secret diary of Lee Ryder aged 44 and a half. 18/02/2015 Well diary, ah thought ah'd pay a visit to me Ma's to see how she was getting on, like. Ah was in the kitchen going through the fridge for some Marksys biscuits that she always gets when the door bell rang, me Mam went to the door to answer it as ah delved through the choccy biccies on my quest for a treat. A minute later me Ma opens the kitchen door to say that there was someone asking for iz. "Did he say who he was?" ah said to the Ryder Matriarch. Me Mam said that no he didn't say who it was but he looked a bit desperate, had a NUFC tracka top on, had a DVD copy of 'The likely Lads' in one hand and a Bobby Robson DVD in the other. "Fuck me!" Ah said, "What!!!!!?????" Me Ma replied with a death look on her face ah knew only too well, "Ah mean, dear me! It's gotta be John Carver! How did he know ah was here?" Anyways ah goes to the door and right enough it was Carvs standing there. "How's it gannin, Lee? Ah phoned the Chronicle and they said you'd be here. Can ah come in, like?" said the head Coach of Barrack Road. Ah asked him what he wanted and his face got a dark look about it. "Your fucking mate Neil Cameron, not exactly on board with me getting the job permanently is he? Ah'm needing you to go into overdrive, mate, Ah'm even hearing Rafa rumours now, man! Lee Ah need your help." Ah thought, nee way am ah going to stand by and see a fellow Geordie overlooked for the Toon managerial vacancy so ah says to Carvs, "Had your horses, John, chill oot! Ryder's fucking on it! But ah'm expecting the phone calls from SJP to come into Thomson House via the Ryder extension not the Cameron one, Capiche, Bonny Lad?"Carvs agreed all too easily and not only had ah secured the next Toon bosses aliegien, allergecienc, err loyalties but ah had also done Cameron up like a fucking Kipper! You just have to get up dead early in the morning to catch out the Knight Ryder, the premium man 'on the United beat' as me old mentor Ollie would say. An hour later Carvs sent round U21 player, Kyle Cameron to big up Geordie John giving youth a chance and also asked me to have a go at young Lubo Satka while ah was at it. "Why's Carvs pissed off with Satka?" Ah said to the Toon starlet. "He's not." Kyle replied, "Ah'm the one fucking pissed off. The Slovakian twat sent this lass ah fancy a text asking her out." Ah had to laugh, like, Big Andy Carroll said it with fists to my singing black and white canary, Stevie Taylor, but young Cameron was being a bit more subtle using yours truly for revenge, ah didn't think it was ethical, but ah divvent like these foreigners stepping on Geordie toes so ah did a hatchet job on the foreign love rat and got another Toon starlet onside which was another thing ticked off the list after me nark, Remi Streete fucked off to Ibrox. Three birds and one stone but that's all the ammo the Trinity group regional sports writer of the year needed to get Cams one and two plus Carver right where ah wanted them, ie, in me Levi's back pocket. Lol. Laters, diary, Ah've blagged Sir Les's phone number off Rob Lee, time for some easy Toon retro copy for me loyal Chronicle readers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ewerk 26413 Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
McFaul 35 Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ayatollah Hermione 12767 Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 Nee chance Ryder would know what a matriarch is though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 26898 Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 Nee chance Ryder would know what a matriarch is though. Pooetic, Poyetic, err, I thought I'd stretch it a bit, like. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 8998 Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 (edited) Levis? Edited February 18, 2015 by The Fish Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38786 Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 Pooetic, Poyetic, err, I thought I'd stretch it a bit, like. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howay 12460 Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 Fucking class. "Ah had to laugh, like, Big Andy Carroll said it with fists to my singing black and white canary, Stevie Taylor, but young Cameron was being a bit more subtle using yours truly for revenge" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ayatollah Hermione 12767 Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 34533 Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 His Bo Selecta head man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alex 30440 Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 If he knew as much about the fans as he likes to think he does he would know how embarrassing his patter is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kitman 2188 Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 Sadly it feels like Carvers being positioned as our head coach for next season. Hope I'm 'wide of the mark' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 19828 Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 course he fucking is. all we need to do is survive to guarantee he gets the job Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 26898 Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 Anyone fancy quoting it, it's too small on my phone. Is it a ryder piece? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 19828 Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 the diary entries are getting scarily accurate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howay 12460 Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 Sadly it feels like Carvers being positioned as our head coach for next season. Hope I'm 'wide of the mark'Aye this whole charm offensive I guess they're attempting is a good indication of that. "Carver is qualified we promise" despite the fact he's fucking useless. They're welcome to give the potato headed lug a full season it'll just end up costing them fucking millions in the inevitable relegation though, so saving the million quid or so on a capable replacements wages will end up not being worth it for lard arse and his rent boy Charnley. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alex 30440 Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 While I wouldn't put it past Ashley I also wouldn't read much into these stories beyond Ryder being Carver's ring/mouthpiece. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ClubSpinDoctor 0 Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 I want to see him get it in a bit of a sadistic way, he'd end up topping himself the minute sackcarver.com gets registered Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
McFaul 35 Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 He is by far and away the thickest bloke in the United Kingdom's media. He replies to constructive comments from ordinary people with massively defensive tweets, nearly always ending in pal. It's like in Auf Wiedesehen Pet when Stick out of Spender, thinks Moxey is trying to shag his lass in the nightclub, and he says pal 4 times prodding him in his upper chest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 34533 Posted February 20, 2015 Share Posted February 20, 2015 insanely specific analogy. "four times". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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