Jump to content

The Secret Diary of Lee Ryder (aged 44 and a half)


Recommended Posts

  • Replies 1.9k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Posts

The secret diary of Lee Ryder aged 44 and a half   16/02/2019   Oh this year we're off to sunny Spain! Y Viva Espana! EEEh ya fucka, diary. The things ah get to do in this crazy wo

"Well diary, long time no see, ah was just about to set off for graft as some clever cunt, or so-called clever cunt had intraduc, introjuice, err brought in social distancing into Thomson house and we

The secret diary of Lee Ryder aged 44 and a half   16/02/2018   The Rise and Fall of the Ryder Empire.   Alreet diary? Been a while like. Ah thought mebbeez it was time t

Posted Images

  • 1 month later...
  • 2 months later...

The secret diary of Lee Ryder aged 44 and a half

 

16/02/2019

 

Oh this year we're off to sunny Spain! Y Viva Espana! EEEh ya fucka, diary. The things ah get to do in this crazy world of following NUFC just so me loyal punters get their daily fix of Ryder hot takes of life on the United beat as Olly used to say. Ah managed to get to Murcia via an easyjet flight to Alicante then bussed the rest of the way to the United camp, 'living the fucking dream' diary! Lol. When ah fund oot aboot the trip ah thought ah'd ring rund the lads and kill two bords with one stone which is something all us seasoned hacks know is the way to get the scoops. Anyways, ah bells cockeyed Mala and he let on that Pigeon chest Campbell was thinking of having a second stag do after his first got ruined by getting drugged and bummed by a couple of rent boys in Budapest after a prank got a bit oot a hand. Like Hannibal off the A-Team, ah fucking loved it when a plan got together and thought we'd ah'll gan on the piss after the friendly v CSKA Moscow where ah'd metamorf, meteormophis, err change into Balou with the NUFC stuff and only do the bare necessities with a Rafa quote, a player quote and a 'five things' bit before giving the Spanish senorita hinnies six nowt later on! Ah'd also gave one time Spanish Toon defender, 'Sore-finger-on-my-chip' Marcelino a bell asking him to turn up so ah could tek a photo of him as ah knew he lived close by. "Senor Ryder! I am having a family BBQ that day! I cannot make it, my old friend"  he said on the phone. Ah then reminded him of a certain Thomson House cleaner called Jeanette and how Senora Marcelino might want to hear a few tales when he reluctantly decided to show up! (You have to be ruthless in this game, diary, kid gloves off). Anyways, after a shite kickabout ah got a couple of quotes, took 'fingers' pic then met the lads in Murcia toon centre. Ah'd already had a few chilled sangrias pitchside in the heat and mustn't have realised the potency as we headed oot. Ah was fucking rampant winking at the Iberian fanny and any holiday makers of the female variety. Ah was fucking mortal by the time we got to a nightclub and that's where these fucking Russian booncers set their lip up. "No! This one does not come in!" said fucking Ivan number one. "What ya talking aboot ya daft cunt! ah've anny had a few!" ah said trying to stand up straight. It was then ah noticed a CSKA tattoo on his knuckle! So, he was in the huff at not beating the mighty Mags in a friendly, eh? Thought he could mess with the former foot soldier of the Toon army? Ah was aboot to swing a punch when ah realised he was probably one of the MMA Russian hardcore hooligans. Ah thought to mesel that ah couldn't spoil Pigeon chest Campbell's second stag do after the first one went Pete Tong so ah let Ivan off the hook and we staggered to a brothel where even Cock eyed Mala got his end away and Pigeon chests arsehole remained unmolested! Lol. Anyways, flights to catch, NUFC stuff to write, Punters to keep happy! Ryder and fucking out. 

 

 

  • Haha 13
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...
  • 3 weeks later...

:lol: He’s thick as fuck, man. Basically reasoning that the article is of interest because people have read it and seemingly unable to process the information that people would have needed to read it first before deciding if it’s saying anything worthwhile. 

  • Haha 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
On 25/03/2019 at 13:14, Dr Gloom said:

Love how he is so thin-skinned that he takes the time to reply to each and every troll out there 

It’s barely trolling. It’s pointing out the obvious :lol: 

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 months later...

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
×
×
  • Create New...