TicTacWoe 0 Posted May 11, 2012 Share Posted May 11, 2012 there'll be hell toupee when the mods see this Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38806 Posted May 11, 2012 Share Posted May 11, 2012 Has he left an hair, or did he have no kids? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38806 Posted May 11, 2012 Share Posted May 11, 2012 I'd heard he owed millions to the casinos from gambling. Dieing is a pretty extreme way to clairol you debts though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckyluke 1 Posted May 11, 2012 Share Posted May 11, 2012 This forum is head and shoulders above the rest when it comes to making god awful puns. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brock Manson 0 Posted May 11, 2012 Share Posted May 11, 2012 Why did he have to die sassoon? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckyluke 1 Posted May 11, 2012 Share Posted May 11, 2012 Why did he have to die sassoon? Howay Craig! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NYD 0 Posted May 11, 2012 Share Posted May 11, 2012 Mick, from Dublin, appeared on 'Who Wants to Be a Millionaire' and towards the end of the program had already won 500,000 euros. "You've done very well so far," said Chris Tarrant, the show's presenter, "but for a million euros you've only got one life-line left, phone a friend. Everything is riding on this question. Will you go for it?" "Sure," said Mick. "I'll have a go!" "Which of the following birds does NOT build its own nest? A. Sparrow B. Thrush C. Magpie D. Cuckoo "I haven't got a clue." said Mick, ''So I'll use last lifeline and phone my friend Paddy back home in Dublin." Mick called up his mate, and told him the circumstances and repeated the question to him. "Fookin hell, Mick!" cried Paddy. "Dat's simple - it's a cuckoo." "Are you sure?" "I'm fookin sure." Mick hung up the phone and told Chris, "I'll go with cuckoo as my answer." "Is that your final answer?" asked Chris. "Dat it is." There was a long, long pause and then the presenter screamed, "Cuckoo is the correct answer! Mick, you've won 1 million euros!" The next night, Mick invited Paddy to their local pub to buy him a Guinness. "Tell me, Paddy? How in Heaven's name did you know it was da Cuckoo that doesn't build its own nest?" "Because he lives in a fookin clock! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38806 Posted May 11, 2012 Share Posted May 11, 2012 Incendiary stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 9010 Posted May 12, 2012 Share Posted May 12, 2012 Why did he have to die sassoon? I'm sure someone'll get to the root of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 26937 Posted May 20, 2012 Share Posted May 20, 2012 Couple driving home and run over a badger, they get out and find it's still breathing but freezing cold. He says "Put it between your legs to warm it up", she says "But it's all wet and it stinks", he says "Well hold the badgers fucking nose then!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wykikitoon 16728 Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 KNOCK KNOCK... KNOCK KNOCK... KNOCK... KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK... ...KNOCK KNOCK... KNOCK... KNOCK... KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK... KNOCK... HURRY UP WHITNEY, I NEED A SH1T. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ewerk 26441 Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 Topical Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wykikitoon 16728 Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 Topical Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NYD 0 Posted May 30, 2012 Share Posted May 30, 2012 The wife was asking me how many women I had been with,I said "do we really need to do this as I know it may upset you",she says "I'm not worried about that so just tell me". I said "ok ,here goes 1 2 3 4 5 6 you 8 9 10 !!" I was right,she did get upset Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 26937 Posted June 3, 2012 Share Posted June 3, 2012 (edited) Had a bit of a heart to heart with my new Thai Girlfriend, basically she said that a small cock shouldn't really have too much effect on a stable and loving relationship. I still wish she didn't have one though. Edited June 3, 2012 by Howmanheyman Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 9010 Posted June 4, 2012 Share Posted June 4, 2012 You heard about that block of flats in Lagos? It's got a new wing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wykikitoon 16728 Posted June 6, 2012 Share Posted June 6, 2012 What do you call an Irish man with shampoo on his head? Tim-O-Tay John Terry is going to his daughter's sports day this week. He's wearing his full PE kit in case she wins. Kenny Dalglish starts his new job with sky this week he will be putting his first dish up this week Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trophyshy 6434 Posted June 6, 2012 Share Posted June 6, 2012 Halfway through my shift at Jessops, a guy came in to pick up some photos of his naked wife. Naturally, I had a little peek as I handed them over. "Would you like the negatives?" I asked. "Yes please," he said sheepishly. I said, "Your wife's got saggy tits and a fat arse.” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 26937 Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 I was having sex with a girl last night when she suddenly started crying. I said, "What's the matter?" She said, "It really hurts. "I said, "Not used to a big cock eh?" She said, "I'm talking about the pepper spray in my eyes you twisted cunt." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wykikitoon 16728 Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 I was having sex with a girl last night when she suddenly started crying. I said, "What's the matter?" She said, "It really hurts. "I said, "Not used to a big cock eh?" She said, "I'm talking about the pepper spray in my eyes you twisted cunt." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 26937 Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 A Chinese girl approached me in an alley. She said "sucky fucky five dorra" I said "you're way too young" she said "how you know my name?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetleftpeg 0 Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 My Mrs asked me if her appendix scar made her look unattractive. 'Don't worry love' I said 'Your tits cover it.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 26937 Posted June 23, 2012 Share Posted June 23, 2012 A recent survey asked men exactly why they loved receiving blow jobs. 6% liked the thrill of it. 9% loved the feeling. 85% just enjoyed the silence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 26937 Posted June 23, 2012 Share Posted June 23, 2012 Bloke sees a Jamaican putting up a sign, 'Boat For Sale'. The man looks but all he sees is a Caravan and a Jeep. He goes up to the Jamaican and asks, "Where's the Boat? All I can see is a Caravan and a Jeep." "Ya Mon", replies the Jamaican, "and they Boat for Sale....!!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 26937 Posted June 27, 2012 Share Posted June 27, 2012 My neighbours son has finally made it onto the Submarines which was his ambition when he applied to the Royal Navy. He's a hard working half Geordie/half Indian lad and everybody's really pleased for him. Here's to Able Seaman Gandeep Undawatta! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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