JawD 31 Posted November 14, 2011 Share Posted November 14, 2011 Took me a couple of reads Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lake Bells tits 1 Posted November 14, 2011 Share Posted November 14, 2011 I didnt get it ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WubbleUC 0 Posted November 14, 2011 Share Posted November 14, 2011 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jusoda Kid 1 Posted November 14, 2011 Share Posted November 14, 2011 don't get that one mind fist Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 34679 Posted November 14, 2011 Share Posted November 14, 2011 I got that one on a first read. It didn't have any chemistry references though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38866 Posted November 14, 2011 Share Posted November 14, 2011 don't get that one mind fist Clue; "Shurely not Mish Moneypenny" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brock Manson 0 Posted November 14, 2011 Share Posted November 14, 2011 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38866 Posted November 14, 2011 Share Posted November 14, 2011 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckyluke 1 Posted November 15, 2011 Share Posted November 15, 2011 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
McFaul 35 Posted November 16, 2011 Share Posted November 16, 2011 This is a criminally shit joke but I heard it tonight in the club off a drunken Scotsman and this thread is for even shit jokes. "Why dae scouse women, like a mans baws slappin em durin sex? So they get the FULL BENEFIT." It was a shit joke, and it was so shit I laughed like a mug for a good 30 seconds. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38866 Posted November 16, 2011 Share Posted November 16, 2011 How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? Put in the microwave until it's Bill Withers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 27009 Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 Peter decided to invite his mother for tea as a thank you for helping him out financially when he bought his new flat and decorated it. Peters mam notices that Peters flatmate, Joe, is a very handsome lad if a little camp, there has been times when Peters mam has raised a few psuedo-innocent questions about when she is going to be a Granny but Peter usually changes the subject and she lets it slide. Joe is his flatmate, " a Canny lad", says Peter, a little too forcefully when his mother gently enquires about the "handsome boy". A week passes since Peters Mam visited the flat for her tea and her gentle questioning of her sons suspect sexuality. Joe says to Peter, "Ever since your Mam came to tea I can't find the frying pan anywhere!" Peter e-mails his dearest Mother; "Mam, I know it seems a bit daft, but ever since you came to tea we just can't find the frying pan anywhere!" "I'm not saying you DID take it and I'm not saying you DID NOT take it, I'm just a bit puzzled to where it could have got to." Peters Mother replies to his e-mail the next day; "Peter, I'm not saying you DO sleep with Joe, I'm not saying you DO NOT sleep with Joe, but if he was sleeping in his own bed he'd have found the fucking frying pan by now. Love, Mam" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38866 Posted November 21, 2011 Share Posted November 21, 2011 Was really busy this morning so I killed two birds with one stone. Fucking love Sharia Law. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38866 Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 Mrs. Fist has been banging on about a night out for ages, so today while she was at work I had the locks changed. Sorted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 27009 Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 Walked past a new restaurant with the little Lady the other day, She said, "Mmmmm, that new restaurant smells lush.", I thought to myself, 'go on, treat her', so we walked past it again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38866 Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 Watched Fatima showering on that jungle show , thinking " mustn't get a stiffy, mustn't get a stiffy!" She fucking did though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
@yourservice 67 Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 Watched Fatima showering on that jungle show , thinking " mustn't get a stiffy, mustn't get a stiffy!" She fucking did though. I'm sick of all these Fatima Whitbread jokes now!. After all, it is someone's son. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38866 Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 Due to her appearances on the show, she's been asked to endorse a new Fatima Whitbread Breakfast Cereal. *may contain nuts* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catmag 336 Posted December 1, 2011 Share Posted December 1, 2011 Courtesy of my brother.. My wife called me a "sick and twisted" pervert earlier after she went upstairs to use the computer and found semen on the mouse. "Our children touch that!!" she screamed at me. To be fair though, the sawdust had soaked most of it up and they're due to clean the little bastard out anyway... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38866 Posted December 3, 2011 Share Posted December 3, 2011 Couple of days ago I walked past the hotdogs in the supermarket and felt a tingle of panic. Yesterday , same thing, but I got the sweats started hyperventilating. Today, I was so scared I couldn't even go down the aisle. I fear the wurst. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 9022 Posted December 3, 2011 Share Posted December 3, 2011 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 9022 Posted December 3, 2011 Share Posted December 3, 2011 My favourite character in The Jungle Book is Kaa the python, but then Mr Kipling did make exceedingly good snakes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38866 Posted December 3, 2011 Share Posted December 3, 2011 Looks like we're both bludging from the same page Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38866 Posted December 15, 2011 Share Posted December 15, 2011 If Stevie was German, which footballer would he be? OberTan. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tooj 17 Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 I tried to buy a town in the south of France. The locals were Avignon of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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