The Fish 9086 Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 It's a Christmas miracle, you somehow possess Pardew! After punching yourself in the wang and publicly admitting your many flaws you're somehow still employed as Newcastle manager. What's your 5 point plan to improve the season? Rotate the squad? Change the default formation? Buy a certain player? Buy some depth for positions? Change captaincy? Howay, it's not like anybody is actually going to do any work today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alex 30673 Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 If I get him to kill himself, do I die too? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monroe Transfer 0 Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 Add to the coaching staff. Bring in a dedicated attackimg coach, even if it it means breaking up the old boys club of Stone, Carver and Pardew himself. West Ham brought Sheringham in in the summer and he seems to have done some good, looking at their recent performances. Redknapp brought Hoddle to QPR at the same time too, so there's no shame in admitting you could do with a little extra help behind the scenes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rayvin 4964 Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 1 - Buy Cabaye back or some other playmaker who can unlock defences. Would throw the entire budget at this if need be. All £10. 2 - Recall MYM if possible. 3 - Sack John Carver and begin process for revitalising the coaching structure so that the club has quality people in place despite any managerial changes. I would ensure that decision making surrounding who was brought in was not the responsibility of myself; perhaps Graham Carr calling the shots on that one. 4 - Tie Sissoko down to a new contract if at all possible. 5 - Strong challenge for the FA Cup to get the fans back on side. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin Carr's Gloves 3240 Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 Find rope tie into noose.......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scoobos 297 Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 I'd just have him play players in their natural positions without fail and play 2 up front. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David Kelly 1117 Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 Release Goufrran from his contract. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheGoslingBeast 0 Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 Sack Carver, appoint Sami Hyypia as my assistant, resign, and hopefully Sami Hyypia will take over from there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BLACKANDWHITEGEORDIE 0 Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 1. Ashley to make regular public statements on his running of the club 2. Ashley to sack Pardew and the whole of the coaching staff 3. Ashley to get rid of all dead wood amongst the playing staff 4. Ashley to appoint a top foreign manager 5. Ashley to change the stadium name from St. James' Park to the Sir Bobby Robson stadium Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StoneColdStephenIreland 74 Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 The same hyypia who just resigned from Brighton after only winning 1 in 18? Kk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 9086 Posted December 23, 2014 Author Share Posted December 23, 2014 Add to the coaching staff. Bring in a dedicated attackimg coach, even if it it means breaking up the old boys club of Stone, Carver and Pardew himself. West Ham brought Sheringham in in the summer and he seems to have done some good, looking at their recent performances. Redknapp brought Hoddle to QPR at the same time too, so there's no shame in admitting you could do with a little extra help behind the scenes. Absolutely, it worked in Remember the Titans. In all seriousness I think the backroom staff need an over haul, now would be the perfect time to call on favours from other managers even if they're just pointing you in the right direction. Unfortunately I can't see Pardew having too many mates in the managerial world. But yeah bin off a lot of the staff, especially Simon fucking Tweddle. I'd just have him play players in their natural positions without fail and play 2 up front. Hard to do that & accommodate people in the natural positions though. Also, not many sides with our teamsheet can play with two up front any more. Sack Carver, appoint Sami Hyypia as my assistant, resign, and hopefully Sami Hyypia will take over from there. Hyypia? The fuck has he done at all? 1. Ashley to make regular public statements on his running of the club 2. Ashley to sack Pardew and the whole of the coaching staff 3. Ashley to get rid of all dead wood amongst the playing staff 4. Ashley to appoint a top foreign manager 5. Ashley to change the stadium name from St. James' Park to the Sir Bobby Robson stadium somebody didn't read the question. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trophyshy 6441 Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 1. Invent time machine 2. Go back to 1955 3. Kill my mother and father, just to be sure 4. ......... 5. Pwofit Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ayatollah Hermione 12825 Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 Everything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 27319 Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 I'd change the Fish saying 'the fucks he done?' and replace it with What the fucks he done?' Straight outta Blyth Crazy mutha fucka Named Fish The fucks he talkin' Bronx pish? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rayvin 4964 Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howay 12495 Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 Hyypia? The fuck has he done at all? Resigned from Brighton. I'd bring in coaching staff that can actually coach football players, and hand walking papers to Carver, Stone etc. I'd start coaching the team to have its own identity, to start keeping the ball on the deck and keeping control of it, then concentrate on this identity and not just try and limit the opposition every fucking game. Drop Gouffran into the reserves, recall MYM. Play Sissoko in central midfield. Just before my control over him ran out I'd have him resign, then waggle his cock around in Lee Ryders face at the press conference embarrassing both, before saying something racist in the hope it prevents the fucking low life from ever working in football again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tooj 17 Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 Stop playing Colback every week Stop playing Colback every week Stop playing Colback every week Stop playing Colback every week Stop playing Colback every week Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaddockLad 14775 Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 Free transfer runs around to no great effect so far this season. Tbf Falcao has been worse value for money iyam... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monroe Transfer 0 Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 The same hyypia who just resigned from Brighton after only winning 1 in 18? Kk Think we're dealing with a WUM here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ewerk 26681 Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 Stonecold is alright iyam. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monroe Transfer 0 Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 He has his moments. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kid Dynamite 6013 Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 Stop playing Colback every week Stop playing Colback every week Stop playing Colback every week Stop playing Colback every week Stop playing Colback every week Been our best midfielder behind Sissoko, why would we drop him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tooj 17 Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 Because he offers fuck all perhaps? Oh no he runs around a bit and tackles, so the morons in the crowd love him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kid Dynamite 6013 Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 Alreet precious Anita instead perhaps? Colback is very good at what he does. We didn't buy him to be a David Silva Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kid Dynamite 6013 Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 He and his agent will have got decent signing bonuses I'd imagine if you're going to be pedantic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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