Magma 0 Posted October 24, 2009 Share Posted October 24, 2009 Just been to my first Muslim birthday party. The musical chairs was a bit slow but fuck me the pass the parcel was quick!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrew 4231 Posted October 24, 2009 Share Posted October 24, 2009 Not bad taste but: he's planning to leave me - maybe he's found someone else. MAN'S DIARY Saturday 17 October 2009 Newcastle got beat. Gutted. Got a shag though. love it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jusoda Kid 1 Posted October 25, 2009 Share Posted October 25, 2009 Just been to my first Muslim birthday party. The musical chairs was a bit slow but fuck me the pass the parcel was quick!!! Jesus wept Magma, did the old boiler you're banging at M & S tell you that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
@yourservice 67 Posted October 25, 2009 Share Posted October 25, 2009 The missus has just rang and said that Gavin from Autoscreen has just called around and squirted his resin into her crack. The strange thing is she hasn't even got a car? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AgentAxeman 82 Posted October 25, 2009 Share Posted October 25, 2009 Beer contains female hormones! Yes, that's right, FEMALE hormones! Last month, Sydney University and scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain Phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women . To test the theory, 100 men each drank 8 pints of beer within a one hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects, yes, 100% of all these men:- 1) Argued over nothing. 2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong. 3) Gained weight. 4) Talked excessively without making sense. 5) Became overly emotional 6) Couldn't drive. 7) Failed to think rationally, and 8) Had to sit down while urinating. No further testing was considered necessary!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Magma 0 Posted October 25, 2009 Share Posted October 25, 2009 Just been to my first Muslim birthday party. The musical chairs was a bit slow but fuck me the pass the parcel was quick!!! Jesus wept Magma, did the old boiler you're banging at M & S tell you that? No got it Sickipedia. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38884 Posted October 25, 2009 Share Posted October 25, 2009 Just been to my first Muslim birthday party. The musical chairs was a bit slow but fuck me the pass the parcel was quick!!! Jesus wept Magma, did the old boiler you're banging at M & S tell you that? No got it Sickipedia. Just had a look there. Found this. I applied for a job at Childline the other day. Apparently, "I like listening to children's rape stories" is not an acceptable reason for employment. Yes, I laughed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 27047 Posted October 26, 2009 Share Posted October 26, 2009 A Welsh man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool. After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and phones a vet for help. The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination. The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and instead will lie down and wallow in grass when they are pregnant. The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep himself. So, he loads the sheep into his Land Rover, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back, and goes to bed. Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he deduces that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the Land Rover again. He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back, and goes to bed exhausted. Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing round. Try again. he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up, and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the sheep and upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed. The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look out of the window. He asks his wife to look, and tell him if the sheep are lying in the grass. "No", she says, "they're all in the Land Rover....... ......and one of them is beeping the horn!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wykikitoon 16771 Posted October 27, 2009 Share Posted October 27, 2009 Ive tried finding this on here but not seen it: What have Stephen Gay-etely and Ayrton Senna got in common? Both died with skid marks on their helmets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trophyshy 6434 Posted October 27, 2009 Share Posted October 27, 2009 Ayrton Senna's dead too? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lazarus 0 Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 A man goes to the hospital to visit his wife and see his new born baby for the first time. After spending a few minutes with his wife the nurse leads him to a room where his baby is in a cot. The nurse lifts the baby from the cot and - as she does so - the infant slips from her hands, smacking its head hard on the floor. The nurse picks the child up by its leg, swings it round and round her head furiously before letting go. Its sails across the room, smashes its head into a brick wall before collapsing in a heap on the floor. 'Stop' cries the man, horrified. 'You're killing my baby!' 'Haha, April Fools' replies the nurse. 'It was still born.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JawD 31 Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 fucking hell Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lazarus 0 Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angelus71 4 Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 A man goes to the hospital to visit his wife and see his new born baby for the first time. After spending a few minutes with his wife the nurse leads him to a room where his baby is in a cot. The nurse lifts the baby from the cot and - as she does so - the infant slips from her hands, smacking its head hard on the floor. The nurse picks the child up by its leg, swings it round and round her head furiously before letting go. Its sails across the room, smashes its head into a brick wall before collapsing in a heap on the floor. 'Stop' cries the man, horrified. 'You're killing my baby!' 'Haha, April Fools' replies the nurse. 'It was still born.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom 13883 Posted October 30, 2009 Share Posted October 30, 2009 Fucking hell! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paddy 9 Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 fucking hell Laz!!!! i did laugh though!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AgentAxeman 82 Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kid Dynamite 5941 Posted November 1, 2009 Share Posted November 1, 2009 Hilarious. Not Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom 13883 Posted November 1, 2009 Share Posted November 1, 2009 A black man, a Muslim and Jew walk into a bar. Subsequently they are served drinks, they pay for them, drink them and leave. Nice lads. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
khay 8 Posted November 1, 2009 Share Posted November 1, 2009 Thats just shit tom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom 13883 Posted November 1, 2009 Share Posted November 1, 2009 Racist! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 27047 Posted November 1, 2009 Share Posted November 1, 2009 A black man, a Muslim and Jew walk into a bar. Subsequently they are served drinks, they pay for them, drink them and leave. Nice lads. That's a bit like the one where a Mackem, a Jew and an Irishman walk into a bar. The bar-tender says, "Is this some kind of joke?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckyluke 1 Posted November 1, 2009 Share Posted November 1, 2009 I thought that the punchline to that was "what a wonderful example of an integrated society". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brock Manson 0 Posted November 1, 2009 Share Posted November 1, 2009 It's not really a bad taste joke either... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckyluke 1 Posted November 1, 2009 Share Posted November 1, 2009 I think the idea is that you think it's going to be. Now that we've fully deconstructed that piece of humour, can we move on please? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now