toonotl 4681 Posted August 14 Share Posted August 14 Write: "Your little angel has been sticking your 'secret' dildo up his ass on the reg" on the football. I'm sure it'll come back over the fence almost immediately every time. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toonpack 15587 Posted August 14 Share Posted August 14 22 minutes ago, Holden McGroin said: What's your experiences with kids footballs going into next door neighbours gardens. One side of us is fine (who don't have kids) and throws them back over but the other (a 50+ year old woman has a 12-13 year old) has started hiding them. She moved in a couple of years ago and is a miserable cunt. Avoids any sort of eye contact and has a permanent face like a slapped arse. She forces a hello when I try to be friendly and I've never seen the twat smile. I understand it might be an inconvenience and might damage her plants etc but her kid is a complete twat as well.. He fires up Gemmils favourite biftas when she isn't in and stinks our garden out and hilariously had his mates around in the garden last night where they broadcasted that they found her dildo in her drawer and then used it on his own arse. Lovely for my 6 year old to hear 😀 We are thinking about getting some nets put up. The mrs won't let me flip dog shit over the back garden but i'm fuming. Having a read through reddit it seems like I might be in the one in wrong ??!? Sounds like a job for SuperNark and his friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toonpack 15587 Posted August 14 Share Posted August 14 (edited) 3 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said: Also, tell her that her laddie has been cramming her Electric Friend up his hoop, wouldn’t want her getting an infection and being more miserable 100% this, I would add "your lad has been boasting to his friends that......" Edited August 14 by Toonpack 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 50728 Posted August 14 Share Posted August 14 22 minutes ago, Christmas Tree said: So, this sex ban thing…. Quite often when I search for answers to life’s great questions, I get a list of reddit answers that usually help. Lately I’ve been getting a message saying can’t display etc and telling me to download the app (which I don’t want to do). Is this new ban something that you just have to register proof of age with your ISP or do you need to go into a police station and sign a register. (No, I wasn’t asking dodgy questions and yes, this is in relation to Reddit) Nearly three weeks since this came in CT almost at bursting point. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrew 7467 Posted August 14 Share Posted August 14 25 minutes ago, Christmas Tree said: So, this sex ban thing…. Quite often when I search for answers to life’s great questions, I get a list of reddit answers that usually help. Lately I’ve been getting a message saying can’t display etc and telling me to download the app (which I don’t want to do). Is this new ban something that you just have to register proof of age with your ISP or do you need to go into a police station and sign a register. (No, I wasn’t asking dodgy questions and yes, this is in relation to Reddit) You have to register separately with every service you use that might contain what the government determines is adult content. Its important that there is maximum opportunity for both censorship but ALSO for dodgy offshore companies to have all the information needed to commit identity theft on you which will inevitably be hacked and leaked and which the government has no recourse to prosecute. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ewerk 39218 Posted August 14 Share Posted August 14 In other news, 47% of wankers are now using a VPN. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 50728 Posted August 14 Share Posted August 14 5 minutes ago, ewerk said: using a VPN Nah Print this off and keep it in your wallet… Use it for the “selfie” id. When it asks you to smile, use this one. Life finds a way. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holden McGroin 9897 Posted August 15 Share Posted August 15 Update on the garden balls as im sure you're all on the edge of your seats. I haven't yet confronted the fat cow but she has thrown 4 balls over today. Must have been clogging her shed up or smelled the McGroin wrath brewing. I'll keep the dildo leverage for another day. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 50728 Posted August 15 Share Posted August 15 Was just eating some bait in Thurrock, the most miserable of all the services, when 4 tubby fuckers , obviously on a hen do, wobbled their way to the table opposite me. Was just about to increase my misery-wallowing when they all screeched and what was clearly the Hen of the do bounced up to the table, fit as a butchers dog, silver hot pants, and what looked like a couple of handkerchiefs hanging off her neck as a top. Misery averted. She had a tray piled high with trough for the bushpigs, and as she stared dishing it out, she bent over and her glorious, unfettered, ski-jump chebs made their presence known, to me, but clearly not to her She was either woefully unaware that her fantastic puppies were jiggling their way out every time she dished out the pig food, which she did one item at a time, or she didn’t give a shit. Either way, laser eyes were locked in and bank deposits were successful. Amazing how a pair of unexpected tiddies can change the mood Just to make sure you lads understand this, we’re not talking a fleeting glimpse of more than the usual amount of upper boob. These were absolutely A1, top notch ski-jump tiddies, with nips like a rabbits nose, unfettered by such trifles as a bra, flinging themselves about with utter abandon in a top as structurallly sound as one of Wykiki’s old employer’s bridges, belonging to a fit lass with as much bodily awareness as Luke Onion on a match day. Like diamonds in a field of shite 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 50728 Posted August 15 Share Posted August 15 4 minutes ago, Holden McGroin said: Update on the garden balls as im sure you're all on the edge of your seats. I haven't yet confronted the fat cow but she has thrown 4 balls over today. Must have been clogging her shed up or smelled the McGroin wrath brewing. I'll keep the dildo leverage for another day. I’d wash them first, at least one member of her family has probably crammed them up an orifice. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 63173 Posted August 15 Share Posted August 15 That's how they got back over the fence, her son fired them out of his arse. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 50728 Posted August 15 Share Posted August 15 2 minutes ago, Gemmill said: That's how they got back over the fence, her son fired them out of his arse. @Holden McGroin, is this woman called Vicky by any chance? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trophyshy 9003 Posted August 15 Share Posted August 15 Just bought some of these to ease the monotony of swimming. Frankly astonishing sound quality given there’s nothing in your ear. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Craig 12372 Posted August 15 Share Posted August 15 1 hour ago, trophyshy said: Just bought some of these to ease the monotony of swimming. Frankly astonishing sound quality given there’s nothing in your ear. I used some of these for cycling years ago. You wouldn’t think you could hear perfect clarity through your cheek bones, but you can Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinRobin 14502 Posted August 16 Share Posted August 16 11 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said: Was just eating some bait in Thurrock, the most miserable of all the services, when 4 tubby fuckers , obviously on a hen do, wobbled their way to the table opposite me. Was just about to increase my misery-wallowing when they all screeched and what was clearly the Hen of the do bounced up to the table, fit as a butchers dog, silver hot pants, and what looked like a couple of handkerchiefs hanging off her neck as a top. Misery averted. She had a tray piled high with trough for the bushpigs, and as she stared dishing it out, she bent over and her glorious, unfettered, ski-jump chebs made their presence known, to me, but clearly not to her She was either woefully unaware that her fantastic puppies were jiggling their way out every time she dished out the pig food, which she did one item at a time, or she didn’t give a shit. Either way, laser eyes were locked in and bank deposits were successful. Amazing how a pair of unexpected tiddies can change the mood Just to make sure you lads understand this, we’re not talking a fleeting glimpse of more than the usual amount of upper boob. These were absolutely A1, top notch ski-jump tiddies, with nips like a rabbits nose, unfettered by such trifles as a bra, flinging themselves about with utter abandon in a top as structurallly sound as one of Wykiki’s old employer’s bridges, belonging to a fit lass with as much bodily awareness as Luke Onion on a match day. Like diamonds in a field of shite Did you remind the hen that it's tradition to have one last fling with a balding Geordie before the big day? 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaddockLad 22486 Posted August 17 Share Posted August 17 @Gemmill "Sausage sandwich eating motherfuckers" 😉 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Craig 12372 Posted August 18 Share Posted August 18 There's a Michelin-guide restaurant in Cheshire who has launched a 'water only' menu with one bottle coming in at £19. For fizzy water! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ewerk 39218 Posted August 18 Share Posted August 18 30 minutes ago, Craig said: There's a Michelin-guide restaurant in Cheshire who has launched a 'water only' menu with one bottle coming in at £19. For fizzy water! A restaurant in Belfast tried that, they were selling iceberg water for £26.50 a bottle, and that was the price ten years ago. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Craig 12372 Posted August 18 Share Posted August 18 The menu has been put together by one of only five British "water sommeliers". Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Doran Binder. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dazzler 16172 Posted August 18 Share Posted August 18 18 minutes ago, Craig said: The menu has been put together by one of only five British "water sommeliers". Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Doran Binder. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Craig 12372 Posted August 18 Share Posted August 18 Is Fish's current stomping ground in Cheshire? I bet he's a regular at this place. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renton 27778 Posted August 18 Share Posted August 18 1 hour ago, ewerk said: A restaurant in Belfast tried that, they were selling iceberg water for £26.50 a bottle, and that was the price ten years ago. At that price, I'm assuming it was made from the iceberg that sank the Titanic? 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alex 42149 Posted August 18 Share Posted August 18 (edited) 2 hours ago, Craig said: The menu has been put together by one of only five British "water sommeliers". Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Doran Binder. Grifting hipster - final boss Edited August 18 by Alex 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 50728 Posted August 18 Share Posted August 18 4 hours ago, Craig said: The menu has been put together by one of only five British "water sommeliers". Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Doran Binder. He looks like a character from Cyberpunk 2077, specifically, a Joy Toy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Isegrim 11894 Posted August 18 Share Posted August 18 5 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said: He looks like a character from Cyberpunk 2077, specifically, a Joy Toy He looks like he has rich energy for breakfast tbh. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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