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It's actually taught me that I drink far too much during the day. It's cos I'm in the house by myself bored working all day, so I'll neck bottles of water and tea and coffee just as something to do to get me away from my desk. I can easily have downed 2 litres by 9am and probably 4 to 5 litres a day most days.

So, about 80% of what you got in prize money for the Premier League final position? That is fucking batshit. ~£40m for playing against Wydad Casablanca (finished 3rd in the Moroccan league), Al Ain (5th in the UAE Pro League), Juventus (4th in Serie A), and Al Hilal (2nd in the Saudi League)? Going off transfermarkt, just with that windfall, you could buy Wydad Casablanca's squad and still have enough left over to get a 6 bed Georgian in Belgravia. It's just ridiculous.

I had to have a 24 urine collection to check my kidney function once. They gave me this 4 litre plastic collector thing cos they needed to know the volume as well as analysing it for various things. So I kept it under my desk at the hospital, took it home, next day still 6 hours to collect. I'd been dehydrated so I was worried it was less than half full, so in the last few hours I started drinking gallons of water. But then I couldn't stop pissing. I remember just being able to stop as it was overfilling, then stumbling off to the path lab to hand it over as I grabbed my crotch to stop pissing myself. Fun times. I was fine BTW, thanks for asking.

We’re surely not going through another window without backing Eddie, are we? He absolutely deserves to be backed this summer. There are no longer any excuses to not spend money. We’re about to go into a champions league season. There is extra revenue coming because of that. We shifted Miggy, Minteh, Anderson and Kelly for decent money in recent windows with few coming in the other way. I understand PSR remains a headache but there must be money to spend. Howe can’t be expected to work miracles again with a threadbare squad and all the extra fixtures in the new season. For that reason I’m not worried yet. I expect us to spend a bit of cash eventually. It would be a travesty if we don’t. It must be annoying for Howe however to see other clubs getting their business done early, which is exactly what he asked the owners to do this time. I agree with Craig that some of our supporters on social media are getting hysterical - it’s still early in the window. I suppose my main worry is if he starts to lose patience. His stock has never been higher and he would have no problems getting a job somewhere else if he concludes he isn’t getting the support he needs. Howe is the golden goose - I hope the owners realise this

Stefan Borson is on TalkSport at the moment. He's summed it up well with Chelsea selling their women's team to themselves, now Villa. PSR is dead. End of.

Aye, the rule in this thread should be just to spill what's going on, and don't take the piss too much when people do. Better that people are talking about stuff and getting things checked out.

Happy memories for this fella no doubt.

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I tell you what. At least we all come on here and have a laugh at ourselves or we get support when needed. Fuck me. Pissing into a jug 🤣

Wykiki looks to have started his today. Sounds like he'll need two jugs.

When you said piss diary I thought you meant for the Transfers thread.

I'm having to make a fucking piss diary this week btw, before going in to the hospital on Friday to piss into a special toilet to see how fast I can do it. It's a total waste of time as well cos this is for the poor cunts who are up in the night and who drink 1 litre and piss it out in 10 x 100ml trips to the bogs. I'm not remotely experiencing those symptoms but apparently a urology referral at 49 comes with this hurdle. Anyway it's nice to have to write down the volume of every drink you have for a few days and then piss into a jug before tipping it into the toilet. Keeps you honest.

the new season can't come soon enough

Knopfler went to school in Gosforth, which was historically in County Durham.

Talking of Wilson did his contract not supposedly end on Monday? And yet no “thanks Callum” from the club. Like a new signing etc

Meanwhile, this lad is upset that Going Home is our theme tune, maybe someone should let Mark Knopfler know it's used? Oh. Also maybe someone should contact Elvis yo see if he's okay with them using "Wise men say" [sic]?

I dunno, remember the detail that one about the crisp with lions head went into? A quick Google lens revealed the pointless lie in milliseconds.

I AM PISSING MY PANTS ITS OFFICIAL

Welcomeback, Muto.

I'd love to tell you it's "would have" and not "would of", but even that would still be wrong ffs. Other than that, absolute zinger mate.