Howmanheyman

Away tales mixed in with a 'shit yourself' story. Love it. :lol:

I heard a tale from round wor way a few years ago, it goes a something like this; The Toon had drawn Blackpool in the Littlewoods Cup over two legs, the return leg we won 4-1 with Mirandinha and Gazza amongst the scorers, think Tinnion scored as well? Anyway, 1st leg was midweek at Bloomfield Road (3rd div Blackpool beat us 2-1, TC getting our goal IIRC?) and a transit van from the East end made it's way down to the game, obviously a lot of drink was consumed and as it was Blackpool they stayed in a clurb after the game topping up the alcohol levels. Anyway, about five minutes after setting off they spot someone they know from Walker sprawled over a kerb absolutely comatose. They stop the van, get out and ask him how he got down? Getting no sense out of him they decide he must have got down early for the game and got off his face and missed the bus/van home so they help him in their van and decide to drop him off as they didn't like to leave the kid by himself in Blackpool. Anyway, a few hours later they pull up at his street and after a bit of sleep he's had they manage to wake him up. The kid sees one look at his house and says, "Ahh fucking hell, man!!! Wor lass is ganna fucking gan beserk!!" He'd went down to Blackpool with the Missus and his bairns that week.

Are these pics meant to put us off? Nowt wrong with her, I would 100% and if she wanted to finish me off a bit quicker she could start talking in her French accent. Must be some right Adonis like males on here with a retinue of Playboy Bunnies playing sex games with them every night. Or not.

Beep beep beep beep!!

Fill your boots.

Is Lineker on the Spurs hiring Committee? First Pardew now Moyes getting the interview grilling.

"WELCOME TO HELLAS"

Anyone seen Zanzibar's shirt? Think that would compliment Fish to be fair, well it would match his leopard skin hondacrackas at least when he's in 'Bravado' mode.

He was on Question Time last night. It was in Stockton on Tees and half the audience looked like this;

Anyone who hasn't paid £5 to have someone put a tattoo on your arm in someones kitchen in a house in Walker is frankly a puff, especially if the tattoo in question is a skull with a snake curling around the skull with a sword going through said skull. So they reckon, like.

More controversial evidence found here > http://www.grapheine...4e2f61eb1d.html

http://www.grapheine...9f3046bf1a.html

Very sadly, and as much as it pains me to say it, I think he would get away with it after a week of 'debate' on forums, media etc.

I think it's His Holiness Niall Quinn, before he stepped off his 'magic carpet' ride, (the drugs were still strong at that point), Ashley and Llambias.

Alright, seen worse but you just know the back will have one huge blank white patch on it.

At least ITV have got their security sorted out, I swear I saw some Scouse kid walk off the street and sit next to Keane the other day. He even had the cheek to talk to Cabbage Heed Chiles at one point, something about Jelovic being better than Cisse or something? Hard to say for sure, his voice was canny squeaky.

Du du du du du, Inspector Stevie .

Very good. I think I might use that, mate. Theyall bea brahhn envelope in yer sky rocket tumorra, dahn't say nuffink to nobody.

Happy birthday, men! And to my youngest who's 7 today! You don't know her but she's great, she pointed out to me last night that a Russian got 'Megged' which I thought was good football knowledge for a then 6 year old girl!

A Chinese girl approached me in an alley. She said "sucky fucky five dorra" I said "you're way too young" she said "how you know my name?!

I wouldn't know when to start with away tales but the simple ones are the best, at Bramall Lane one of our number who for arguments sake we'll call 'silly' Billy, was standing up on a metal bollard, pissed and starting some singing off, it was the game where we got beat 2-0 but qualified for Europe in our first season back up as Arsenal got beat at home to West Ham, anyway, it was a sunny and about 8,000 Geordies in Sheffield had a good day out on the drink. Back to Silly Billy, he gets up and starts to sing but loses his balance as the Union Jack flag wrapped round his waist with 'NUFC' on went down to his feet and kind of tripped him up. He fell ower and hurt his back and got stretchered off by the stewards and St. Johns Ambulance. As Silly Billy was getting taking around the pitchside we started singing 'Billy! give us a wave, billy, Billy give us a wave' which he ignored as all we could see was his hands over his eyes and you could just see his nose and tache. Then all of a sudden, the chant went up from the 8,000, 'If you're proud to be a Geordie clap your hands'. The call was too much to ignore, the hands moved from the eyes, and despite looking in pain , the hands went up to start clapping whilst lying on the stretcher with teeth being grinded as it hurt to clap. Proper Geordie, Billy, like. We took a big metal sign back to our local which we ripped off the wall as well that day as a souvenir, it said 'CCTV is watching you at Bramall Lane'. Obviously not watching hard enough, though!

I know what you mean but in the spirit of freedom of information I can confirm I have a shite every day and have a piss when I wake up. My wages are above average according to that link, but if you took away unsociability shift allowances would be under. I've never worked 'proper' mon-fri hours for 16 years. I'm a bit fed up with shiftwork tbh.

Cheers for that, mate!

I was having sex with a girl last night when she suddenly started crying. I said, "What's the matter?" She said, "It really hurts. "I said, "Not used to a big cock eh?" She said, "I'm talking about the pepper spray in my eyes you twisted cunt."