Howmanheyman

Here's a little tip. When I worked at a certain local brewery, I'd take an empty can of coke in with my bait. I'd then take a bottle of Broon up to the bait room kitchen, fill a mug with the Broon ale then sit in plain sight with my mug of broon ale with the empty can strategically placed near the cup with a bit of broon ale round the rim of the can of coke to make it look freshly poured pop instead of an actual 'icer' as we called them*. You could sneak a bottle of any of your carefully selected 15 varieties of soft drink into a bar, take an empty can of stella and do the reverse and still keep your cool credentials. *Most times I just necked the bottle out of the way like everybody else, though.

Watched Groundhog day for only the second time but this time with the kids as well. Despite the initial moaning they enjoyed it.

Drinking in rounds is the real killer. Especially if you're drinking with genuine beer monsters. Otherwise, a good drink of water helps.

FYP

Similar. Hair wasn't as long plus I was a bit well served at the time with Mrs HMHM.

Good job we haven't got Allardyce still hanging around.

It wasn't Mbemba, like. Looked older than an academy player if it was indeed a footballer.

It wasn't their son unless he was adopted. Looked a bit like Loic Remy.

Spotted Paul Simpson in Uno's last night with (I presumed) their lass who were then joined by who I presumed to be a footballer. Didn't recognise the kid but it wasn't Moutinho or Benzema.

It's a mix of :lol: and The lols at her fucking dial when her questions were not going how she envisaged them, the at the fact that those questions were asked in the first place by one of the many Tory friendly media.

Anyone going to work early? Anyone staying back late? Doing it for no pay? Fuck that, even if you do get paid.........

Couldn't find microwave, phoned chinkees instead.

The secret diary of Lee Ryder aged 44 and a half 22/07/2015 'Yeeee Haaaaah', diary! 'Rollin’ rollin’ rollin’! Keep the toon news rollin’, Keep the toon news rollin' Geordie Pride!' 'I want to wake up…..in a city that doesn’t sleep!' 'Viva!!! Las Vegas!!' 'Do you know the way to San Jose?' Guess where I’ve been? That’s right diary! Sacramento! Ah got up this morning and took an ‘elevator’ doon to the ground floor in the hotel ah was stopping in for covering the trio of Stateside toon games. Obviously ah knaa not all me readers have been to the good ‘ol US of A, so ah thought I’d not only get ah’ll the craic off the likes of Schteve the Boss and future England Captain, Stevie ‘Tayls’ Taylor, no not just their craic, diary, not just the write up of our games as well, nah, not just that shit, ah thought ah’d hoy in some culchara, culchuru, err, some yank phrases and places of interest. Ah’d started off in Millwaukee, home to the Fonz who’s almost as cool as me, then California where Clint Eastwood had ‘made their day’ by being a mayor once and had supped some Broon ale into the bargain, then ah finished off in Portland where ah struggled to find a famous person if ah’m honest but had a laugh with the ‘regular Joes’ who made up their support. Ah’d telt them ah was a famous journalist in the UK and they were fucking eating oot of me hand with all me tactical formation talk about ‘soccer’. Ah was ‘Tailgating’ with some US Mags which is basically eating and drinking out of the back of a car which was fucking ok with me, like, as ah love nowt better than deeing a bit of weight lifting when it's a full pint glass ah'm lifting, like, when one of them pulled iz aboot something ah’d said aboot California, he said, “Buddy, California is the ‘Golden State’, not the ‘Sunshine state’, that’ll be Forida” Ah telt him ah’d be in a ‘right fucking state’ if ah drank any more of the blooter they were chucking doon me neck, but like Ruud’s understanding of the Tyne & Wear derby, they just didn’t get it. Anyways, the pavement was a ‘boardwalk’, the mustard they had wasn’t as hot as proper English mustard and me Steve McQueens didn’t need a belt nee more such was the sheer amount of bait on offer! Lol! Ryder and out!

Fair play to the Tories and friends in the press, they've absolutely convinced the Labour Party and Tory voters that there cannot be a party who stands up for the poor and working classes. As that tweet posted earlier says, if they don't stand for the people then what the fuck do they stand for?

Was hitch hiking along the M180 when I got real lucky and got a lift from a BMW transporter and instead of a hairy tattooed bloke, the driver was a female! Things were going ok until she spotted a fucking minuscule spider crawling along the dashboard which must have been about 1mm big. She screamed and made an absolute twat of herself, swerving to one side of the road just as a car behind us tried to overtake us with another screaming female driving that as well! I'll just pay for a train ticket next time.

What a parcel of shite that is.

Ok.

Some of those are superb and a bit eerie as well.

Aye, it's almost like Charnley is out of his depth. Maybe we should call him '20,000 fathoms below the sea' rather than 'Penfold'?

I liked Wet Wet Wet's 'Popped in, Souled out' album back in about 1987. Shame they fucked about with shit like love is all around and goodnight girl to target a more CT-ish audience and faded away. Anyone who can't appreciate this tune is a wanker........

Part of the Welfare bill written by a Tory in power. Point 28, Households that get one or more benefits will be affected by the change if they are in receipt of a benefit that is being changed. (You don't say!) Point 29, Single Mothers will get it in the neck unless there is 'behavioural change' According to point 30, Disabled people will be less likely to be affected as they probably wont have kids, (Apart from the likes of wor lass who flagrantly had our children defying conservative ideology, the irresponsible scrounging harlot!) Point 31 holds no pretense, Nig Nogs have loads of kids and will be affected but that's ok because nobody gives a fuck about them.

If this is the way they're going, being scared of The Daily Hate and co and not standing up for their beliefs, then the sooner the border moves south past the Tyne the better.

Think I'll ask my MP what the fuck he's playing at.

"MILF sitting next to me now, I'll just finish posting this on Toontastic then I'll down the pint my Dad is getting me at the bar then I'll turn on the famous Mako charm........Wait!.........Where you going?........I didn't mean to call you a milf! Didn't know you were reading this! Mam and Dad don't mind if I make friends on holiday, honest!!"