Meenzer

Speaking of which, did everyone else's school/college have a skanky kid with dreadlocks who claimed "the oils from the scalp mean the hair cleans itself" while batting away swarms of flies?

(This mainly works if you're called Steve Harris too, but I reckon there's a reasonable chance you are.)

"Couldn't find a chargrill so used a blowtorch"

They're looking for applicants in this neck of the woods (for the TV show, not the version involving CT's circle of chubby compadres). I'm actually a tiny bit tempted.

CT's belly twitches when he sees a tin of spaghetti hoops.

Ah, seems to be at the top-right on the drop-down menu where you access your profile etc. Didn't realise we had that function. Still not sure where Ken's message comes into it though...

Butter? Butter.

"Bon anniversaire à toi I don't know who you are But you'll be subbed for Dummett In minute soixante-trois"

A good effort

Stevie's new theme song: Fingers crossed one more time for you, here's hoping the news is nothing but good.

There we go. Straight out of a Delia series in a beige 80s kitchen, but genuinely really nice. (CT SAFETY NOTICES: 1) No, it doesn't have to be Caerphilly; 2) No, I don't actually use lard. 100g of margarine is fine; 3) "Decorate as shown" just means "hoy some rings of red and green pepper on top", which I rarely do anyway (but if you do, try not to use the roasted ones, eh?); 4) You can up the amounts of carrot and courgette by at least 50% without changing any of the other quantities and it'll still come out fine; 5) Seriously. Don't use lard.)

They're great sliced as the basis for stir-fries too. And then there's the legendary snipped-out-of-the-Chronicle-in-the-1980s flan recipe that I shall dredge up for you in just a mo.

Versatile vegetagle, the courbette. But seriously: a couple of courbettes shredded and sautéed with pancetta or smoked bacon, then stirred through pasta with some crème fraîche, parmesan and grilled chicken breast = easy dinner win. Basically a poor man's pesto, but hey.

Get Justin Whittle to apologise first.

Ironically, his commitment to the booze is something Ken would be proud of.

You never know who you might bump into in the city's drinking establishments... https://twitter.com/leazeslad/status/501384909785944064

Chubrighter.

As he said, one vigorous blow to the head could kill him.

Calling a thick cunt a thick cunt means you're a thick cunt.

HTH

And to stop expecting applause simply for remembering to breathe and feed himself.

What a wreck.

http://imgur.com/a/rCcU6