Ayatollah Hermione

Wears those stupid gloves as well, thinks he's on a test drive day at Silverstone, the daft cunt. I have absolutely no qualms about adding him to the Official Football Fraud List.

I spent most of the year listening to old Japanese music so I'm not even sure. Probably that Psychic Mirrors album or Genesis Owusu.

I can’t get over how bad a bit of man management that is, man. Basically coming out and saying that you don’t trust your players to get a result unless everything goes your way. Imagine hearing that from your gaffer

Their manager says it’s “unfair” for our new signings to play What a fucking moaning loser. No wonder he keeps getting walloped 9-0

Tbf, Spurs, Everton and Sunderland are all peas in a pod so I can see why that particular Spurs fan would be a daft, bitter cunt. See Danny B for further evidence

It’s a frankly incredible signing, isn’t it? it’s finally sunk in that we’re the richest club in the world and planning to go places. Fucking hell

Coutinho has the touch of the James Rodriguez’ about him, I reckon. Will be good at the beginning, soon fade off and also has the potential to possibly be considering a sex change

Ah, the old Rio Ferdinand defence. Much like everything else he’s ever said, that didn’t hold up to much scrutiny either

If/when we stay up, the summer window is going to be fucking brilliant, isn't it?

I assume some quick video editors are coming after we’ve sorted this transfer window out, fuck me

Shut up, you quim. Though can they announce it now, I need something to watch at work

I imagine the conversation would go along the lines of “That’s a nice briefcase full of money, how much is in it?” ”£54 million and a little bit extra for your trouble, wor kid” ”Oi oi!”

Could do a lot worse than Origi up top for the rest of the season tbh. His record is pretty shit hot when he’s started, isn’t it? Nketiah could do either way but he has Palace all over him.

Hope we sign Digne just to make that Romano melt look like, well, a melt

No-Vax Djokovic, more like

Hey, he's some boy, Diego. Even bringing the trim to the table now.

The Athletic is saying that Barca want us to "help them out" and buy De Jong On one hand, we should oblige but on the other, fuck having another De Jong anywhere near us.

Schar on the way out because his contract runs out in the summer, apparently. I'd keep him around and just take the hit in the summer tbh. Fuck Clark off instead.

That Romano seems to fire out plenty shite tbh. I'm going to live in hope. Coutinho on the radar of 5 PL clubs apparently and I'd be amazed if one wasn't us.

Top that, readers!

Sat next to CT at SJP in the 80s IIRC

Got a week in an all-inclusive, Greek gaff booked for June. I'm going to come back 20 stone

Shame their positions weren’t reversed. Umtiti big up top and Kuntz and Botman tight at the back

Umtiti and Botman should be the ideal partnership, surely? Something for everyone.

Standing at the airport like a one man Beatlemania