Ayatollah Hermione

Schar is great on the ball but he’s a shocking defender at times What a fucking idiot. This’ll be 4-5, no problem.

We’re fucking terrified when we have the ball Carroll is the only one who actually wants it.

Would honestly put Clark at left back over Rose. He’s completely finished.

Dear me, Darlow. Sorry for my language but that’s ticked me off!

My mate used to live next door to Danny Graham growing up. Don’t know the street name but what an anecdote.

Was some big shindig in a park. I’m assuming it was 2013 for the 40th anniversary of the cup but there was a Ferris wheel and a lot of people who weren’t really interested in our covers band. I can’t remember much because it was 2013 and I distinctly remember being on the snakebites after we finished.

I once played a gig in Sunderland where Jimmy Montgomery did a speech about the cup final directly before we played. My mate’s mate also had a phone conversation with Fernandez when his car broke down last week.

I once saw Nikos Dabizas and his lass shopping for wedding dresses once and he looked well miserable. Top that!

Wish I’d never asked now, Jesus Christ

Am I FUCK signing this communist BULLSHIT

Can any readers top that piece of celeb trivia?!

BRB, off to get a trolley full of drink.

I fully cannot believe you’re watching BT Sport, of all the channels, immediately after this. I’m amazed they’re not just broadcasting McManaman pulling the head off it while singing along to You’ll Never Walk Alone.

Well, time to avoid all sports media for a month.

Manquillo looks to be our best right back but that really isn’t saying much. Carroll getting another year seems short-sighted, unless we’re having him teach Joelinton how to chuck his weight about

Been some good young players coming through Norwich as well in the last few years. I’d consider it as a young player too, even if it is a fucking nightmare to get to.

One of the teams that won it with some decent competition for a start

NUFC Twitter calling for Hayden to get an England call-up are fucking mental, mind. He's a solid utilty player who has the occasional purple patch. He's mobile and recycles the ball well but I maintain he's nowhere near the player Rice will be, to use their comparison. Rice will come out of this lockdown as West Ham's best player; comfortable at CB and CM, good with both feet, good in the air, can carry the ball out, good range of passing. It's no contest. The thick cunts.

Tom, have you considered moving to bottles?

Not to distract from Tom’s top-notch mutton chop efforts, the break has really exposed Sheffield United. They were basically running on momentum, in the same way that a strong Championship side does and now all of that has been lost. Makes you (me) think about an outside bet on their relegation next year

I know you’re taking the piss but he’s clearly their best player. Get him around players who are on his wavelength and his vision and movement will come to the fore. Thought it was a fair result, neither team deserved to win it and a shame that Bournemouth are simply to shit to beat anybody so Villa can’t be dragged any further

I like to think Pardew told him that lie and the thick cunt believed it

We couldn’t get shot because he didn’t want to leave the area (that and the inflated pay packet) IIRC so I will piss my strides if he goes to Sunderland

Would hope that we could find some consistency toward the end of the season but I don’t trust us to find any real form. I’d be rotating with the cup coming up; as much as you can with our crop anyway.

Really, only David Moyes would continue picking Mark Noble. He’s completely finished