Ayatollah Hermione

The only jumping I’ll be doing is into your mam’s grotty bed to give her a good once-over.

Sure you’ve cracked that about 4 times on here

Behave, man. If we're turning down strikers because they're 28, then the pickings across Europe's top leagues just got a lot smaller. When he's fit, he's always scored and he's finally shaken that off, it seems. Great movement, good finisher with both feet, grafts his bollocks off. If Southampton have money woes as rumoured, we should be first in line with our blood money.

Aye, one of the leagues lowest scoring teams certainly don’t need a 20 goal a season striker.

Fucking hell

Grealish can sign providing he get a proper haircut and pulls his socks up. Literally, not figuratively.

Bruce jumped the lowest possible hurdle which was “Don’t be the complete disaster we expect” The very fact that was the situation at all should tell those fuckwits all they need to know

Kevin Campbell has come as Brother Mouzone

Aye, the one decent benefit of The Athletic coming about is him not sugarcoating his opinions anymore.

Old people, man. They simply cannot be trusted to do anything right.

Lovely to see his fellow journos take a pop at Edwards. Is he now the most pre-eminent, baldy arsehole covering the cathedral on the hill?

Not sure we’ll have to let you win tbh. You’re capable of that on your own.

Thank fuck we’re fantastic or else this could be a real embarrassment.

Having spent 20 minutes watching that, I have hereby concluded that I’d rather eat a glass salad.

An absolute piece of piss that goal. All the more baffling that this pair of pricks on BT are wanking over it. Their coverage is grim.

Got a fiver on Tim Allen last goal scorer.

Whoops, CT got a hold of my account there.

Going for a bank holiday Monday curry for my birthday thanks to these savings. Wow, what a government. Not like Team Nasty!!!

The coast is clear. God bless Tory bloodlust.

And they still never have what you’re looking for

Awful circumstances but at least I won’t have to hear their boring fucking racket for a while.

Seems like it’s time to intervene on China. And after that, we might as well sort Japan out when we’re next door.

Why do they think Watmore would have been a world beater? He was a headless chicken before the injuries. If the seats weren’t there, he’d keep running out the stadium.

It'd be a terrible shame if Liverpool got a rocket up their arse and took it out on Villa.

When you consider the state of men’s toilets in pubs all over the town, it’s fucking incredible that there’s are by far the worst. Fucking manky