Ayatollah Hermione

Some might say that bloke was A-TRACTOR-ED to farming implements.

IMDb ffs. One step above asking for recommendations on Facebook

Ah yes, that traditional drinking time: 6 in the morning

I’m having none of this Toy Story slander. You want to be lucky they’re not watching Frozen on a loop

Shittest Blind Date line-up ever

Can’t remember who said it first but whenever they bring up “ideal” solutions to the current problem, it’s always a batshit one that benefits them

Aye, that’s not bad so it’s nailed on that ours will be some seizure-inducing nightmare design.

Unlike Steve Bruce who didn’t leave a club in the shit to join us. Nor has he ever annoyed or shit all over his reputation at previous clubs by joining their bitter rivals when the money was good.

I like the idea that Rafa, who was making the team better every season, also wouldn’t have managed to have a better season this year.

From the sound of the commentary, it seems like it’s an open secret that Liverpool have been on the pop all week

Reckon we’ll knock a million goals past Spurs

Imagine if your train was this “imminent” on a regular basis. You’d think, for a borderline fascist country, we’d get this done on time.

Aye, if that’s the case, how is our goal difference worse than the last two seasons? Not to mention, had it not been for the last few games, our goals scored column has been embarrassing.

That’s the kind of middle class hell that I thought only existed in twee Facebook posts, self-congratulating themselves on clapping every Thursday. Some cunt will be outside playing a bassoon every Saturday morning before you know it.

Mission accomplished as far as the Tories are concerned

Not to go to the negatives but what on Earth does Bentaleb actually do? Feels like we let Ki go for somebody even less mobile

Can you not expose your bedroom habits here, please?

Bournemouth are absolutely wank like That Solanke chance when Dubravka was at sea has to be the worst miss I’ve seen since Sunday. Brooks is their only decent player and he’s a clever player in a stupid team. Cook at the back is about as clumsy and uncoordinated as you can be at the top level too. Hopefully we keep this tempo, get the third and treat the lads to a Burger King when they get home.

Give Bruce the Saudi billions and use their political clout to make sure we play all the shit every week.

Poor Karl Darlow and his 30 quid signed gloves

Or when Wigan brought him out to actually lift the FA Cup because of his ridiculous non-story. Ignoring that he got the injury as a result of HIM trying to do somebody else. I’m actually half pleased Ashley reduced his stores to dust.

I assume the bottom left knob is to adjust the levels of FABULOUSNESS

Fucking hell, check out Brian Gay here. This post has been brought to you by 2006

Rest players for West Ham, let these win so we can drop Villa and West Ham into the shit and then unleash ASM on Sunday to double West Ham’s agony. West Ham.

Mind, that relegation battle at the bottom of the Championship is mental. Luton have clawed back into it and Stoke have well and truly dropped their arse. Any 3 of 7 could go.