Ayatollah Hermione

“Vote against the Tories” should be a standing order, regardless of the ongoing shitstorm surrounding everything else

Would be a terrible shame if he were sequestered in some Dubai shithole jail for 6 months

As bad as Ashley is, some of our lot are just as bad for assuming he’s ever going to change his stripes

Bielsa has admitted to spying on all of Leeds' opponents this season

You spend all week saying "Aye, we need to concentrate on the league" and then this comes around and you realise you'd fucking love a cup run again

I thought it was Jools Holland

EIGHTEEN series of Silent Witness? There can't be much blood left in that stone.

He was absolutely dog shit against us last year. Totally anonymous, couldn’t get a grip on the game at all and was resorting to fouls after about 25 minutes. Not to mention blowing out of his arse after 70 minutes. You’ve just got to look at how little he contributed compared to the season prior to see that he’s on a clear downward slope. If he was anywhere near the player he was, Palace would have kept him around.

Diame will be back next week, Shelvey is back from Spain and Ki is due back in a couple of weeks. I know you lot like a panic but there’s more alarming areas than central midfield

And then he lost. I’m afraid he’s now Scotland’s Andy Murray for me, Jeff.

Cabaye is completely finished. I’m not sure he actually would walk into our team with Shelvey, Ki and Diame around

Who knew Stan Collymore would be the lesser of three evils?

The only thing he loves more than himself is the attention tbh.

Not sure it was quite as stupid as giving the Cardiff penalty to the worst player on the pitch but that short corner at the end is up there. It would be one thing playing it short to a right footed player on the right but giving it to a left footer was enough to nominate it for a Darwin award. You score once from a direct corner whipped in and you play that one short. Beyond stupid. It's a decision that deserves relegation.

Another penalty, what a shock

Liverpool dropping their arse

Put Schaer in there and just have him alternate between pinging diagonal balls and kicking Jorginho up the arse

Our place (pharmaceuticals) is clearly stockpiling, as well as pharmacies. January is usually our quietest month and it's been almost as busy as Christmas this year. We need a second referendum because I'm having to send too many fucking e-mails.

Jesus Christ, can you even imagine? Ricky Gervais doing his "offended" shtick while True Geordie blows smoke up his arse. The interview with Nile Ranger was largely the same, with Ranger offering the hollowest of regrets and apologies for his actions and TTG chirping in with absolute fucking bollocks in support.

What else is on at half 5 that I can watch?

Good work if you can get it, mind.

How the fuck can you be off by EIGHT MILLION? Few hundred grand, a million or so, I understand but eight million quid apart in valuation

Well, at least they've taken last night's piss taking well.

Am I fuck watching dull as dishwater Champions League games on a weekend. Can this lot pack it in?

Had a pint in that pub near the ground before the game (and DIDN’T get my head kicked in by their numerous radge fans, can’t understand it) and I’ve never seen so many football tops tucked into jeans in my life. Have some respect for yourself ffs