Ayatollah Hermione

Spending a solid night blocking grown men who spend all day in a playground argument about two professional footballers should keep me busy

“The official rules say...” is the go-to response for people who’ve never played football tbh

CT just thinks there’s an international eBay where we can list a load of national exports and have everyone bid on them

Was hoping FOTC would finally bite the bullet and do the full band arrangements of the tunes

Not sure who was harder work there: Uruguay and their rigid, boring shite or Saudi Arabia and their endless sideways passes. Like a side of Colbacks

There’s a WOMAN commentating. Fuck me, they’ll be playing the sport next

Very neatly summed but I ask you, couldn't they have gotten a PERSON OF COLOUR to give that speech? Another old white man. YAWNSVILLE, am I right?

My mate. But then again, he does have epilepsy.

World Cup trim has arrived

Was thinking that. Mo Salah is rapid as fuck and he couldn't even get anywhere near a 35 year old centre half in a foot race

For fans of Prefab Sprout/Style Council/Assorted 80s jangle

Are you fucking right in the head? Tunisia were time wasting from the fourth minute when they realised that they couldn't cope with what we had. We dominated that game from front to back; name a save Pickford had to make other than the pen that he almost saved. Tunisia turned up with an anti-football tactic and got rightfully beat. If England had any kind of direct plan B, we'd have won that game 10 minutes earlier but they never stopped. And, as fans of Rafa's Newcastle, we can all appreciate that. Southgate's subs were fully focused on height because he knew they were poor at set pieces and tbf, that might be the greatest moment of his career. Give credit to Maguire for bullying and winning every header he challenged for. I say, play the second string against a Panama side with a high line and then try to turn over a sub-par Belgium

It's almost poetic that England were the team to expose VAR as an opinion-based arseache because I'd have sworn Newcastle would have got there first

It seems immediately apparent that VAR with competent officials is useful and that VAR with the other 90% is a complete waste of time

That Swiss performance was class. Lichtsteiner, Behrami and Schar were immense and even if Neymar was half-fit, he looked a bit all-fart and nee-shite. Mexico were terrifying on the break and if Hernandez wasn't such a gigantic waste of space from any further than 4 yards out, they'd have probably put Germany half-way out of the tournament. Lozano looked excellent but the two central midfielders had such a grip on Kroos that the entire German attack collapsed. Interesting that no "big" side have looked too impressive yet, even though it's likely that France, Uruguay, Brazil etc. will grow into the tournament. If Belgium trounce Panama, it doesn't count because they're shite but I'm half expecting England to turn up tonight, trounce Tunisia and for everyone to lose their mind.

What Adios hasn't mentioned is that he continues to be a fucker for smack

If we want a fat lazy attacker with a good left foot, Ben Arfa might come back

Not sure what's wrong with just having those full kit wankers in the grassing booth giving the ref instant advice. No idea why he has to go up to the tv on wheels to have a look at something that multiple touchers have already told him is a penalty.

Sitting with you as you’re hunched over Betfair, putting 20p on corner bets? No thank you, sir

Why not try taking a punt on getting some mates?

Can get your big shop and a pasty from their centre halves

Ice to the eskimos

Did it for a month. Felt the health (mental and physical) benefits after about a week, saved a load of money and felt a fair bit sharper. But, as soon as I went back on, I had the worst hangover of my entire life so I’m never stopping again

Can’t wait to watch Pontius Jansen play it out from the back. Not that I’d watch that shite unless forced to but you get my drift

Ah, Lee Ryder's patented "one line per paragraph" technique.