Ayatollah Hermione

It's more that he can't drop a 40 yard pass over the shoulders of centre halves who are camped in their box.

I'd send Hayden out on loan, next year. Think there's a decent utility player in him but he probably needs another season of game time. Send him to Cardiff or something, I don't care if they have a say in the matter. Just force them to play him.

If he was wearing a Liverpool shirt, he'd be in, even if he started 10 games all season. With regards to Shelvey, it's maybe the worst exclusion since Darren Bent in (2006?) where he was in pretty strong goal-scoring form. For me, this crack about temperament is complete bollocks; I think he doesn't know how to play him and/or won't shift from whatever terrible system we're playing this year. You can almost see how the Tunisia and Panama games are going to pan out now. Lots of England possession as the midfield move it slowly sidewards, Sterling tries to take him man on but can't so he goes back into the centre, it's moved left very slowly for not-a-left-winger Rashford to try and take his man on but can't because they're so deep so he goes back to the centre, rinse, repeat. I think Alex's point about international sides sitting deep is valid but even with that mind, Shelvey's eye for a pass elevates him well above someone like Jake Livermore, who is going to contribute absolutely nothing. Imagine looking to the bench when chasing a game and see Jake Livermore and realising you've left Jonjo Shelvey at home. We deserve what we get. I'm not sure why it's taken the World Cup squad selection to remember that Southgate is a shit manager too

Can get some first XI out of that Brazil squad, my word. Aye, that's what I was looking at. Was hoping When Saturday Comes might have one

Reckon if/when Gayle and Mitrovic go, it'll probably be one striker bought for big money and then a freebie/loan so I can see the Abel Hernandez links persisting.

Before this goes off the rails, who does the best World Cup preview magazine/online guide these days?

Someone revive the shit claims to fame thread so I can tell the story about holding a door open for Steve Cram again

Aye, well Colin Todd called me a "canny lad" when me and my dad bumped into him after our reserves played Bolton's. Beat that!

I played 5-a-side with Andy Carroll at the Gateshead Leisure Centre. He was on one of the teams in a local tournament. Top that

Awful stuff. I remember a girlfriend of mine loved The Midnight Organ Flight. That’s not a euphemism either

He could at least google better comebacks. Hold on, I'll do this one for you, kidda: "If you want some good come back, ask your lass" You can have that one. Which is also what I said when I was rattling your racist mam in her unmade single bed

One for every time you’ve Sieg Heiled during a Pegida march

Its not a game of Snap, you flabby arsed, turbo minge.

Moving on, it’s beating a dead horse now to point out that we’d be about 2 places better off if we had better strikers but here’s another example. A shit hot leading man and a good option off the bench are vital

Was getting bang into after that one died. Lovely tune

What a tight bastard. Probably only one type of pie available at half time: Pastry

Wouldn’t be so quick chucking that about when you had a full blown shit-fit about your little snooker vest. The only biker in the world who hasn’t took the stabilisers off yet.

Right, this doesn’t make a lick of sense in any context, you weapons grade simpleton. It’s not funny, it’s not witty and you’ve well and truly run your course. Take some more Brain Force and fuck off back to YouTube comment sections

Oh my god, make it stop

Huddersfield have Chelsea and Arsenal to play. Fingers crossed those pack of frauds fuck off at the first time of asking, even though Swansea have been a waste of a team for about 3 seasons now

Shaqiri is a right little lazy bastard who, if he spent more time grafting and less time whinging on to refs and diving, he'd be brilliant. Plus, he always scores past us so bring him in.

There’s no denying how absolutely radical it would be but I want to hear more from Eddie Hitler here

Liam Fox has just bought the Geordie Pride bar in Benidorm. We’ll see some kickback from that place

Alex, the thread has moved on dramatically

That's what it's all about, folks. I saw none of this and who gives a fuck? Job is done, the sun is out. Get that opening ceremony started.