Ayatollah Hermione

Got an iPod Nano or Shuffle at a Uni Open Day. They say it was a random name out of a hat but I know for a fact, it was because they were desperate for me to lift the reputation of the place by applying.

Thank you for the NIGHTMARE FUEL

Tell you what, they made Harry Kane look like Henry last night. That Vergini couldn't tighten up his belt, never mind their back four.

Beck's new album is brilliant and I think it's some of his best songwriting in years. Reminds me of slower Shins tracks, Elliott Smith and Scott Walker at times. Lovely production work too.

The ironic Shola love-ins stopped being funny a long time ago. Right around the time, it became obvious he was completely finished rather than just good for a month a season.

It isn't real, you know

Cabaye is going to have medals coming out of his arse, he's made the right move.

I always laugh at the old bloke who quite clearly hasn't heard the announcement properly and is just clapping along anyway.

Gr8 banter mate

If it's owt like our season in the Championship, it'll be class. One big long holiday with mad away trips. Our season will be like being trapped in a prison cell with Purple Aki.

Lunacy. Sheer bastard lunacy. I'll recommend you something to watch; anything past your own nose.

If they're stay up, us and them want to move the derby to Monday's so that'll soon change.

Graham Carr will pick out someone to drag us out of the shit and cover up Pardew's embarrassing tactics next season. A player, under anonymity, will come out and lift lid on poor morale and lack of faith in the manager.

That place with the big horse statue is supposed to be canny in the town.

He met Steve Wraith as well and you can guarantee for a fact, that was a personal life goal of his.

As my mate says, Pardew is so scared of conceding, he plays defensive-minded players. The problem is, we still get beat.

Defeats under Alan Pardew

This police record is from when Daddy got shot in the leg whilst lurking around Area 51

Meenzer on a tear today. I know all too well about the dangers of meeting people off the internet (not like that). Whenever I met anyone off Twitter, for a while it was, "Are you (DAFT FUCKING NAME)?" Aye" "Aye"

Shit crisps are the best, man. Happy Shopper Monster Claws. Took the Monster Munch formula and perfected it. Disgrace that Happy Shopper is out of business (probably).

aye, even CT has packed in

Not a laugh those concussions like. Just ask Chris Benoit. Well, he's deed but you know what I mean. His family didn't kill itself.

Dead Phelps.

What have they ripped the synth line off?